Family Meeting

Dad… James Austin Johnson

Mom… Mom Nwodim

Sucre… Travis Kelce

Dad: Thanks for making the trip kids.

Chloe: Well, when you said it was an emergency, we flew in right away.

Marcello: Yeah, you’re kind of freaking us out. Are you guys okay?

Mom: Oh, we are better than okay.

Dad: Look, the truth is we had a hard time figuring out how to break the news.

Mom: That’s what the song is for.

Devon: The song?

Dad: I’m sure you all have a lot of questions, but don’t worry, the song will explain everything.

[music playing]

[Dad and go hold mics]

Dad: [singing] When I think about love
I’m so grateful for the times we have

Mom: A beautiful house
our wonderful children
1000 memories good and bad

Dad: But we’ve been drifted apart from one another
even though we still love each other
but now she’s given our bed to another
but I’m cool with it and watch…
I watch from the corner

Devon: Wait, mom, you’re cheating on Dad?

Mom: God no. Didn’t you hear the part where he said he’s cool with it?

Dad: Yeah, I believe my exact words were I’m cool with it and I watch. I watch from the corner.

Marcello: So who’s the other man?

Chloe: I don’t know. But I would guess it’s the guy sitting in dad’s chair playing Streets of Rage II.

Sucre: What up?

Marcello: God, I’m so confused right now.

Mom: Oh, well I’m so glad you said that.

Dad: Because the next part of the song will explain everything.

[music playing]

Mom: His name is Sucre and he’s a felon
he explored my whole body like Magellan
he plays Streets of Rage II and then he pleasures me in bed

Dad: And I’m cool with it and I watch…
I watch from the corner

Chloe: I don’t understand why you’re so pumped about watching from the corner.

Devon: Yeah, and I’m sorry. His name is Sucre?

Sucre: Yeah, Sucre Willadauski.

Chloe: Well, what? You’re in a throttle now with a guy named Suecre Willadauski?

Sucre: Damn, you guys are being mad annoying right now. How many times your parents have to say this? The next part of the song will explain everything.

Dad: Thank you, Sucre.

Sucre: And by the way, I’m not happy that I just had to stop just now. You distracting me so badly that a guy with a mohawk just punched me and my health window.

Dad: I think you guys should apologize to Sucre about the mohawk guy.

Devon: No, I’m not apologizing to Sucre. You got to tell us what’s actually happening.

Mom: Well, we’re trying to but you keep interrupting.

Sucre: The next part of the song really tpills things out.

[music playing]

[singing] My name spelled S-U-C-R-E- W-O-L-O-D-R-Ski.

Devon: Yo, spelling of your name was not the part we were confused about.

Sucre: Hey, can I ask you a question?

Dad: Yes, Sucre.

Sucre: How are these three kids yours?

Mom: I was on top for him. [for Devon]

Dad: Yeah. And I was on top for her. [for chloe]

Mom: Then we did it on the side one time and he came out. [for Marcello Hernandez]

Marcello: That’s not how it works.

Chloe: Okay, you guys are adults. You can do what you want. I just want to make sure that you didn’t touch the grandkids college funds.

Dad: Of course, we go over that in this next part.

[music playing]

Mom: The money’s all gone now.

Devon: Wait, you gave all the college money to Sucre?

Dad: Sucre this, Sucre that. What do you think of the guitar solo?

Devon: This a nightmare.

Sucre: Guys, I know this is a lot to take in. But I have some good news. I just be Streets of Rage II. This is the best day of my life.

All: Sucre!

Mom: Also, I’m not 100% sure, but I’m almost positive I’m pregnant.

All: Sucre!

Dad: And watch from the corner.