Mitchell… Kenan Thompson
Nancy, Mrs. Patterson… Cameron Diaz
Kendra… Sasheer Zamata
Richard, Mr. Patterson… Beck Bennett[Starts with a clip of a big house]
Mitchell: Well, thank you so much for having me and my wife over, Mrs. Patterson.[Cut to Mitchell, Nancy and Kendra at the dining hall]
Nancy: Of course. Anything for my husband’s new CFO.[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra]
Mitchell: Oh! Well, he hasn’t given me the promotion just yet.
Kendra: Oh, honey, he will. Where is Mr. Patterson anyway? I’m excited to meet him.[Cut to Nancy]
Nancy: Well, he’s just finishing up some work upstairs. Now, Kendra, there’s three things that you should know about my husband. He’s the most brilliant man that I have ever met. His stories can be a little dry though. And he has the body of a baby.[Cut to Mitchell, Nancy and Kendra]
Kendra: What’s the third one?[Cut to Richard sitting on the stairs, moving around his legs.]
Richard: Oh, hi there. Hope everyone brought their appetites.[Cut to everybody]
Nancy: There is the man at the hour.[Cut to Richard]
Richard: Be down in just a sec.[Richard slides down.]
Oopsie daisy! Mitchell, so glad you could finally come over for dinner. Those last quarter of numbers are definitely a cause for celebration.[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra]
Kendra: Honey, what am I looking at?
Mitchell: You’re looking at the man who’s gonna make me CFO.[Cut to Nancy]
Nancy: Come join us at the table sweetheart.[Cut to Richard]
Richard: Yes, ma’am.[Richard stands up like a baby. He cannot balance on his feet properly.]
Boss man walking.[He walks like a baby to the table]
Oh! Nancy brought out the good China. [Richard grabs the place in front of him] This was a gift from Warren Buffett.[Richard starts shaking the plate here and there like a baby then bites the plate.] [Cut to everybody. Richard passes the plate to Mitchell]
Mitchell: Oh! Thank you.[Mitchell bites the plate too.] [Cut to Richard]
Richard: Uh, Mitchell, why are you sucking my plate?[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra]
Mitchell: I do not have an answer.
Kendra: So, Nancy, how long have you two been married?[Cut to Nancy and Richard]
Nancy: Well, it will be 10 years in October. Mitchell, has Richard ever told you the story of our engagement?[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra]
Mitchell: He hasn’t.
Kendra: I actually have a lot of questions about your relationship.[Cut to Nancy and Richard]
Nancy: Well, Richard and I, we’re in Greece and I just knew he was going to propose.[Richard starts putting his hand on Nancy’s face] [Nancy kisses Richard’s hands.]
So, we’re on this beautiful boat cruise. The sun is setting.[Richard is putting his hand on Nancy’s face again. Nancy blows on Richard’s hand.]
Everything is perfect and he eats the ring.
Richard: I did, I ate it.
Nancy: The next day, I found it on his diapy and I said, “Yes.” Shall we eat?[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra]
Kendra: Sure, that story made me really hungry.[Cut to everybody taking their seats.]
Nancy: Go ahead, everybody. Take a seat.
Mitchell: Oh, I’m sorry. It looks like we need one more chair.[Cut to Richard on a baby walker.]
Richard: No, got my own.[Richard walks forward on baby walker.]
So, Mitchell, how are we looking for next quarter?
Nancy: Ah! Ah! No, no, no, no! No work at the table. In fact, Richard and I have a bit of an announcement to make.
Richard: That’s right. We’re having a baby.[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra. They are shocked.]
Kendra: Oh, wow.
Mitchell: For real?[Cut to Nancy and Richard]
Nancy: I’m excited but nervous. You know, I don’t know anything about being a mom.[Nancy feeds Richard like she’s feeding a baby making different noises.]
Pup-pup-pup. Yum-yum-yum-yum.[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra. They are shocked.] [Cut to Nancy and Richard]
Nancy: Yum-yum-yum-yum. Who’s the good boy? There you go.
Richard: Well, I’m not worried. You’re gonna be a great mother.
Richard: Come here, you.[Nancy leans forward for a kiss, but Richard blows on her mouth.] [Cut to Mitchell and Kendra.]
Mitchell: Could we maybe just do a little toast here? Congratulations.[Cut to everybody. They all raise their glasses.]
Everybody: A toast.
Richard: Oh! Look at that. [Cut to Nancy and Richard] A lemon. I’ve been meaning to try one of these.[Richard takes the lemon on his glass and puts it in his mouth, then spits it out.]
Hmm, it’s good. It’s tart.
Nancy: It seems like you don’t like it sweety.[Cut to Richard. He eats the lemon again and makes funny faces.]
Richard: No, I do. It’s just– It’s strong. Well, you two should probably head out. I’m tired-tired and I wanna go night-night.[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra]
Kendra: It’s 7:15.[Cut to Nancy and Richard]
Nancy: I know. That’s very late for him. Okay, Richard, let’s say goodnight. [Nancy stands up] High five, come on.[Mitchell walks to Richard giving him a palm to high-five on]
Mitchell: High-five, buddy.
Nancy: High-five. He usually does it. It’s so weird. High-five honey. Come on.[Richard high-fives Mitchell’s palm like a baby]
Mitchell: Yay![Kendra walks in with her palm for Richard to high-five on]
Nancy: You too, Kendra. High-five, honey.[Richard high-fives Kendra’s palm like a baby]
Nancy: Yay![Cut to everybody]
Richard: Wow, that was great. Oh, and Mitchell, I’ll see you on Monday, CFO.
Mitchell: Thank you, baby boss.[Mitchell and Kendra runs out] [Cut to Nancy and Richard. Richard is moving his hand everywhere and he touches Nancy’s back]
Nancy: Ooh! Wow! Well, well, look who’s feeling frisky.
Richard: That’s right. How about a bath?
Nancy: I’ll go fill up the kitchen sink.[Richard is happy] [cheers and applause]