Michael Che[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: With so much happening in the world these days, it can be overwhelming to keep up with the news. Here to comment is our very own, Chris Redd.[Chris Redd slides in]
Chris Redd: Yeah. Thank you, Che. Thank you, man.
Michael Che: How are you doing?
Chris Redd: And may I just say what y’all do up here every Saturday, keeping us informed. It’s important, bro. But Che, when do you take a moment to talk about the important unimportant things?
Michael Che: What do you mean by that?
Chris Redd: You know. Stuff most people don’t talk about because technically it doesn’t matter. Here. Let me take a moment quick. Hear me. [music playing] All this talk about debt ceiling and climate change but nobody talks about the fact that nobody in here knows one person who drives or operates a blimp.
Michael Che: A blimp?
Chris Redd: Yes, a blimp. Why do we not now who drives it? Like, when someone says, “I’m a driver”, you don’t say, “Oh, car or blimp?” Who is flying these things? I mean, they could fly a plane or jet. “No, I wanna fly a slow ass dildo across the sky.” For real! I’ve asked people all across the country, not one person knows a blimp driver. This might be a dumb question to ask you, but are we sure blimps are real?
Michael Che: I’m pretty sure they’re real, Chris.
Chris Redd: Exactly. Pretty sure. Plus, blimps are slow as hell. You ever seen a fast blimp? No. Because that is a missile. Anyway, what y’all doing? Y’all good? What’s going on?
Michael Che: Hold up, Chris. This wasn’t the plan. I mean, weren’t you supposed to be talking about the last time you were up here? And that thing you said?
Chris Redd: No. I don’t think so. I’m supposed to be talking about stuff like, why is everybody so mad about superman’s son in the comics being little bi-sex boy now? What a waste of time. He’s not real. I don’t care what real people do with their sex. So, why would I care about stencil, dog? There has to be something for everybody. So, treat life like a Pornhub selection. If it ain’t for you, don’t click the tab. Anyway, what porn you watch, Che?
Michael Che: We’re not talking about porn, Chris.
Chris Redd: Yeah, me neither, man. My porn watching days are over. I knew it when I started emailing feedback, “Passion is not in your eyes no more”. You know? Colin, can I smoke weed in your house?
Colin Jost: No. I have a baby.
Chris Redd: That’s right. That’s right. Congratulations again on little baby Cletus.
Colin Jost: You know that my baby’s name is not Cletus, Chris. I’ve sent you pictures.
Chris Redd: I get a lot of pictures, Colin. I only remember the boobies. Anyway,–
Michael Che: Chris, that’s enough. Let’s talk about the last time you were here.
Chris Redd: Aite, man. Aite! Damn!Roll the damn clip.[Cut to clip from 2020]
Colin Jost: Chris Redd, everyone.
Chris Redd: Black people can’t get coronavirus.[Cut back to Chris Redd today]
Chris Redd: Okay. So, I guess that didn’t hold up great.
Michael Che: I’m not sure people caught that clip from February, 2020. Roll it again, please.[the clip replayed]
Chris Redd: Okay! In my defense, I was just saying something crazy! I’m not a scientist. I went to community college. Which is like, high school, but you can have sex with your teachers. With consent.
Michael Che: I’m pretty sure you actually can’t, man.
Chris Redd: Hah! Well, I learned a lot today.
Michael Che: That’s Chris Redd with very important unimportant news.
Chris Redd: Not enough people are talking about it.