Treece Hinderson… Kenan Thompson
Rad Dates… Kyle Mooney
Isaac Luneberi… Martin Freeman
Roman… Taran Killam
[Starts with a band performing in a restaurant]
Treece Hinderson: So great to have been performing at the Pine River Lodge annual tree lighting tonight. Once again, I am Treece Hinderson. I need to apologize to all of the ladies, my red jumpsuit is in the cleaners. It had worn very thin in the couple of spots. You know how that goes.
[Cut to everybody]
How is everybody’s Christmas? Looking good? Well, great! Here we go.
[drum rolling and music playing]
[singing] Twiddle-do-tweed
twiddle-do-twad
twiddle tree top on top of the Christmas tree
Oh! Ladies and gentlemen. I could not do any of this without these guys. The amazing house band here at the Pine River Lodge. You know them. Making all those wonderful sounds on his magic box, Mr. Rad Dates.
[Cut to Rad Dates]
Rad Dates: Treece, love you man!
[Cut to the band]
Treece Hinderson: Ha-ha, love you too bud. And Mr. Isaac Luneberi on Sax.
[Cut to Isaac Luneberi playing saxophone]
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]
Treece Hinderson: Ah! Isaac is such a good friend for letting me stay with him for this annual event. Thank you so much, Isaac.
Isaac Luneberi: You are welcome.
Treece Hinderson: Let me tell you something. This guy has been through a really rough patch.
[Cut to Isaac Luneberi]
Isaac Luneberi: Oh, I didn’t want to talk about that tonight.
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]
Treece Hinderson: I think you need to.
Isaac Luneberi: No, these people don’t wanna hear about my troubles.
Treece Hinderson: But it might feel good to talk about it.
Isaac Luneberi: Can we just play the song?
Treece Hinderson: Are you sure?
[Cut to Isaac Luneberi]
Isaac Luneberi: Yeah, I’ve been instructed not to talk about it, okay?
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]
Treece Hinderson: Are you in trouble?
Isaac Luneberi: Yes.
Treece Hinderson: Because of what you did to Roman?
Isaac Luneberi: I’m not supposed to talk about it, okay?
Treece Hinderson: So, nothing was resolved.
Isaac Luneberi: No.
Treece Hinderson: Fine.
[drums rolling and music playing]
[singing] Twiddle-do-tweed
twiddle-do-twad
twiddle tree top on top of the Christmas tree
Whoo! It is really happening. Look at this lovely couple down front here.
[Cut to the couple]
How are you guys feeling?
Man: Curious.
[Cut to Treece Hinderson]
Treece Hinderson: What? What about?
[Cut to the couple]
Woman: Well, about what’s going on with your Sax player.
Man: And like, who is Roman and what did he do to him and all of it.
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]
Treece Hinderson: You see, Isaac? Is there anything you could do to clear it up a bit?
Isaac Luneberi: I’m just here for the gig, my man.
Treece Hinderson: Fine! Look, we’re just trying to help you. I mean what happened with Roman?
[drums rolling and music playing]
[singing] Twiddle-do-tweed
twiddle-do-twad
twiddle tree top on top of the Christmas tree
[phone ringing]
[Cut to the couple]
Is that a phone that I hear ringing? We explicitly told you that your ringers should be off.
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi. Isaac Luneberi takes his phone out.]
Isaac Luneberi: No, it’s my phone. Oh, I have to get that. My ADT security system’s calling me.
Treece Hinderson: Oh, is there a problem at your condo?
[Cut to the couple]
Woman: Oh, did Roman break in?
[Cut to Treece Hinderson]
Treece Hinderson: Oh! That’s interesting. I didn’t think of that. [asking Isaac Luneberi] Is that why they’re calling?
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi. Isaac Luneberi is still on the phone.]
Isaac Luneberi: [talking to Treece Hinderson] Just a second. I’m talking to the police. [talking on the phone] My code is 5866.
Treece Hinderson: Where’s the damage?
Isaac Luneberi: [talking on the phone] I’m listening.
Treece Hinderson: Is it in the living area?
Isaac Luneberi: Be quiet. [talking on the phone] The guest bedroom?
[Cut to Treece Hinderson]
Treece Hinderson: Oh! No! But that’s where I am staying.
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]
Isaac Luneberi: [talking on the phone] Bran Sact? Are you kidding me?
Treece Hinderson: Bran Sact? Does that means that they took my red boots?
Isaac Luneberi: I’m– I’m– I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that.
Treece Hinderson: Ask them if they see some red boots.
Isaac Luneberi: [talking to Treece Hinderson] Can you just wait a second?
Treece Hinderson: Oh, that sucks. Those are my red boots. Ask them about the boots.
Isaac Luneberi: [talking to Treece Hinderson] Will you shut up?
Treece Hinderson: There were two boots. A left boot and a right boot. And both boots are red.
Isaac Luneberi: [talking on the phone] Okay. Are there any boots lying around? Yeah. [talking to Treece Hinderson] They don’t see any red boots.
[Cut to Treece Hinderson]
Treece Hinderson: Oh! Those are my mama’s boots. And they also feet me.
[drums rolling and music playing]
[singing] Twiddle-do-tweed
twiddle-do-twad
twiddle tree top on top of the Christmas tree
Hit the switch!
[The Christmas tree lights are on]
Oh! Gorgeous!
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]
Isaac Luneberi: Oh, my god!
Treece Hinderson: What? What is it?
Isaac Luneberi: It’s Roman. He’s standing next to the tree.
[Cut to Roman]
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]
Treece Hinderson: Ah! And he’s got my boots!
[Cut to Roman. He shows the red boots. It’s a ladies boots.]
Do you think that he’s come to kill us?
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]
Isaac Luneberi: That’s a hard maybe.
Treece Hinderson: Oh, well I hope he’s got some patience. Because we have to unplug that tree and do another shout.
[drums rolling and music playing]
[singing] Twiddle-do-tweed
[Roman is dancing like he’s marching and he’s showing the boots.]
twiddle-do-twad
twiddle tree top on top of the Christmas tree
[cheers and applause]