Mikey Day
Beck Bennett
Rosie the Riveter… Chloe Fineman
Donna… Heidi Gardner
Dot… Kate McKinnon
Norma… Kristen Stewart
Barb… Aidy Bryant
[Starts with a caption “America at War!”] [Cut to old black and white video clips of armies]Narrator: While the men fight in Germany, [Cut to video clip of women working in factories] America’s women head to the factory to do their part.
[Cut to Mikey and Beck walking out of the door]Mikey: Well, sir, I am honored you chose our factory to find the face of your new campaign.
Beck: Then we can do it poster reads a girl who embodies the ‘can-do’ spirit of America’s women.
Mikey: Well, these girls have that in spades. This is Rosie the Riveter.
[Cut to Rosie the Riveter]Rosie the Riveter: Pleased to meet you, sir.
[Cut to everybody]Beck: Hmm. Rosie the Riveter. That’s got a nice ring to it.
Mikey: And here is Donna, a shell Shiner.
Donna: I shine them nice so that Germans see them coming.
Beck: Hmm, I like that spirit.
Mikey: And finally, we have our slug thumpers who do some of the heavier work.
[Cut to three heavy workers]Dot: There we go.
Norma: Whoa, whoa.
Barb: Open this son of a bitch. Keep fighting me, bitch, keep fighting me. That one was for you, Sammy.
[Cut to Mikey and Beck walking to the heavy workers]Mikey: Ladies, may I have your attention.
[Cut to three heavy workers]Barb: Cram it, you coward.
[Cut to Mikey and Beck]Mikey: Every day with this, ladies.
Dot: Why ain’t you over there killing Nazis, coward?
Norma: Any man is dungarees should be over there.
[Cut to Mikey and Beck]Mikey: I told you I had asthma and was deemed unfit.
[Cut to three heavy workers]Barb: I got three sons over there fighting the krauts and one of them not more than 12 years old.
Norma: Yeah, you should be hanged.
Dot: Who is this fella?
[Cut to Mikey and Beck]Beck: I’m from the army’s public relations board. We’re producing a poster to encourage more women to come work in the factories.
Mikey: He’s looking for a model.
[Cut to three heavy workers]Barb: Ooh, well, then look no further, there’s three of us right here, sir. I’m Barb, Norma and Dot.
Norma: Is this poster like a nudie thing or what? Because that’s perfectly fine with us.
[Cut to Mikey and Beck]Beck: No, no. it will be very classy.
[Cut to three heavy workers]Barb: Hey, if it helps boys overseas, I’ll take the twins out.
[Cut to Mikey and Beck]Beck: You would not be nude, ladies.
[Cut to three heavy workers]Dot: Look, if getting a look at our plumbing means our boys will put a few more krauts in the ground, I’ll drop trou. No problem.
[Cut to Mikey and Beck]Beck: It will just be a normal pose with the slogan, “We can do it.” Any ideas?
[Cut to Rosie the Riveter and Donna]Rosie the Riveter: Maybe something like this?
Donna: Or this?
[Cut to everybody]Beck: Say, those weren’t half bad.
Dot: Wait, wait! [Cut to three heavy workers] How about this? You’re gonna love it. Okay, wait! Imagine I’m Hitler, right?
Barb: I’m back here. And I got my cans out, smacking him and his stupid mustache pops right off.
Norma: And I’m the Statue of Liberty and I’ve got my jugs out.
[Cut to Mikey and Beck]Beck: And that would go with the slogan, “We can do it?”
Barb: I mean, unless you got something better.
Beck: Remember, this poster is meant to encourage women to join the war effort.
[Cut to three heavy workers]Barb: Any woman who ain’t already doing her part is a coward and a traitor.
Dot: Just like him.
[Cut to Mikey and Beck]Mikey: Oh, stop it. My asthma is very serious.
[Cut to three heavy workers]Barb: If they would just let us fight, the damage we could do.
Norma: I wish I was over there. I would find Hitler, I would strip him naked, march him across Poland with lucky strays up between his cheeks.
Dot: Yeah, yeah. I would take that Hitler and shove his head right up my ass until he was dead.
[Cut to Mikey and Beck]Beck: What?
[Cut to three heavy workers]Barb: You know what I would do? I would shoot that Hitler eight times in the leg and then I would say, “You want one more?” And he would say, “Nein.” And I would say, coming right up. And bam! One more!
Norma: We got the job or what? Come on!
[Cut to Mikey and Beck]Beck: I’m on the fence. Just kidding. I’m not. I’m scared of you. I’m going with Rosie.
Mikey: I’m sorry, ladies, but keep up the good work.
[Cut to three heavy workers]Dot: Would you mind holding this for a second? [Dot passes Mikey a hot metal ball]
Mikey: Sure. Ow!
Barb: Got you right, you coward.
Norma: You should be over there.
Dot: Do your part.
Mikey: Come on!
Barb: Coward!