Tag: Simu

Simu Liu Monologue

Simu Liu

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Simu Liu.

[Simu Liu walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Simu Liu: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. My name is Sima Liu. Some of you might know me from Marvel’s Shang Chi and the Legend of the 10 Rings. I am officially Marvel’s first openly Chinese superhero. I’m also the first Chinese host on SNL. to be the fourth Chinese toast on SNL. I’m actually Chinese Canadian and I am so happy to be here for the Thanksgiving show. Now, in Canada, Thanksgiving is actually in October and marks the start of the harvest season. Here in America, things are a little different. It’s a November and it marks the start of Black Friday week on Amazon Prime. But I do have a lot to be thankful for. Now, a lot of people ask me how I landed a role in a Marvel movie. The truth is I got Sang Chi how every Canadian gets their big break by asking politely back. No, no, no. For real. Back in 2014, and this is a true story, I tweeted, “Hey, Marvel, great job with Captain America and Thor. Now how about an Asian superhero?” And at the time, I think the tweet got like 10 likes, which was like 10 more than I usually got. But I worked hard. And five years later, Marvel did make their first Asian superhero movie. And after I got the part, I went online and tweeted, “Thanks for getting back to me.” Clearly. I’m Canadian.

Now, I really can’t believe my life right now because 10 years ago, I actually had a job dressing up as Spider Man for kids birthday parties. Which meant parents would pay me to entertain their kids while they were day drinking. I’ll never forget this one birthday boy’s name was Trevor. And like I don’t want to say anything bad about him, but let’s just say he was a real Trevor. Kicking my shins and screaming, “You’re not Spider Man. You’re not Spider Man.” And look, I don’t know if you’ve ever been kicked by a seven year old while wearing a $30 Walmart Spider Man suit but it will break you. It will break your spirit. But it also lit a fire under me. And I don’t know where he is now. But Trevor, if you’re watching, I just want to say you were right. I’m not Spider Man. I’m Shang Chi, bitch!

We got a great show for you tonight. Saweetie is here. So, stick around, we’ll be right back.

Simu & Bowen

Simu Liu

Bowen Yang

Andrew Dismukes

Sarah Sherman

[Bowen is just reading a book in his room. Simu comes in.]

Simu: Knock, knock.

Bowen: Simu, what’s up? My fellow, yellow, hello.

Simu: What?

Bowen: Nothing. I’m just nervous I think. I mean, this has never happened before. Right? Asian male host. Asian male cast member.

Simu: I know. It’s like we’re the Spider Man meme.

Bowen: Except you have abs and I have ibs.

Simu: Ibs?

Bowen: IBS. Anyway, Congrats, man. I Mean, the first Asian Marvel lead. That’s huge.

Simu: Oh, thank you. I almost can’t wrap my head around it. I mean, you get it, right? Like, first fully Asian cast member on SNL? It’s amazing.

Bowen: Oh, yeah, thanks. I just think it’s weird that people keep track of this stuff, though.

Simu: Oh, yeah, totally. I mean, [showing a big medal] I just got this first Asian man who moved from Canada to America named SEMA.

Bowen: I have one that says Bowen.

Simu: No way. Yeah, I always just forget to take my hat off.

[Andrew walks in]

Andrew: Hey, Bowen. I have an award for you. You are the first gay Asian cast member to mispronounce boutique.

Bowen: Is it not Bu-ti-kwa?

Andrew: No. Congrats.

Simu: Wow, Bowen, that’s so historic.

Andrew: And Simu, you were just named the first Asian man to deadpan on Splash Mountain.

Bowen: Wow, congratulations.

Simu: Thanks.

Bowen:  But seriously, Sang Chi was so good.

Simu: Thank you. Yeah, I guess they’re saying I’m the first Asian man to blow up a dragon from the inside. [showing a championship belt like of wrestling.]

Bowen: I got the same one too. But it means something else.

Simu: Anyway, don’t you think these titles are kind of ridiculous?

Bowen: Totally. Like the state of Michigan gave me the “good job parentheses Asian award”. I do not care!

[Cut to Bowen giving his award speech happy and excited]

Bowen at award ceremony: To every Asian on the planet. I did this for you.

Simu: I know. First Asian man to beat StarCraft II. I didn’t even go to the ceremony.

[Cut to Simu giving his award speech happy and excited]

Simu at award ceremony: Whoo! There’s no way this is true. But thank you so much.

[Sarah walks in with a flower bouquet.]

Sarah: Hey. Mr. Asian Panera. These are for you. [passing the flowers to Simu]

Simu: Oh, my god. For me?

Bowen: What is Mr. Asian Panera?

Simu: Oh, I guess I was the first Asian that you pick to a Panera or something.

[Cut to Simu when he was picked.]

Simu at the time: Yes! I did it! I did it!

Bowen: You know, it’s almost embarrassing. Like, I didn’t even tell anyone about being one of people’s sexiest man alive.

[Cut to Bowen calling his mom]

Bowen sobbing: Mom, I’m hot.

Simu: Weren’t you the first openly bottom guy on that list.

Bowen: I’m not open about that. Who told you that?

Simu: Sorry, I just guessed.

Bowen: Oh, nice. Good job.

[Sarah walks in again]

Sarah: Hey, I have another award for first Asian man to do a share impression on NBC. But it doesn’t say who it’s for.

[Bowen and Simu start doing the impression]

Sarah: Simu wins.

Simu: Yes!

Bowen: Congratulations. Just remember Simu, whatever first thing you do, I’ll always be gay.