Star Track Production

Vanessa Bayer

Pete Davidson

Mr. Crocker… Beck Bennett

Daughter… Aidy Bryant

Skacy Steveā€¦ Donald Trump

[Starts with a family dinner]

Vanessa: And I said, “That’s enough, sir.”

[Everyone laughing]

Pete: Well, it smells really good Mr. Crocker.

Mr. Crocker: That’s very sweet of you, but I know for fact it smells terrible.

Pete: Yeah, it does. It stinks.

Mr. Crocker: I know. But trust me, it will taste great. Old family recipe. Plus, you’re dating my daughter, so you’ll have to eat it.

[Everybody laughing]

Aidy: Dad!

Mr. Crocker: Sorry, I’m not going to embarrass you sweetheart. I’m not one of [gesturing to quote using his two fingers] “Those dads”. Let’s just listen to a little music [Mr. Crocker turns on the music] and enjoy a great meal.

[‘See you again’ by Wiz Khalifa starts playing]

Pete: Oh, I love this song.

Mr. Crocker: It’s great, isn’t it?

[Cut to Vanessa and Mr. Crocker smiling at each other] [Cut to Pete and Aidy] [the music playing is a ‘See you again’ instrumental with Mr. Crocker’s voice recorded singing on it]

Aidy: Dad!

Mr. Crocker: Yes honey?

Aidy: Is that you singing?

[Cut to Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: Why? Do you like it?

[Cut to Pete and Aidy]

Aidy: I- I mean, I guess I’m just surprised.

[Cut to Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: [yelling] If it sucks then I’ll turn it off then!

[Cut to Vanessa]

Vanessa: Honey.

[Cut to Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: Does it?

[Cut to Vanessa]

Vanessa: What?

[Cut to Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: Suck!

[Cut to Pete and Aidy]

Aidy: No.

[Cut to Pete and Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: Do you think it sucks, Dani?

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: No.

[Cut to Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: Do you think it is good, Dani?

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: I mean..

[Cut to Pete and Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: Okay, it sucks. I’m turning it off. Let’s eat. How’s the chicken?

[Cut to Vanessa]

Vanessa: It’s fine.

[Cut to Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: It sucks. I know it does. I left it out on the counter for too many days.

[Cut to Vanessa]

Vanessa: Okay. So, I saw the most amazing thing on the subway the other day. There were these two guys–

[Mr. Crocker plays another music with him singing in it] [Vanessa stops speaking because she is annoyed] [Cut to Aidy, Pete and Mr. Crocker. Mr. Crocker is nodding his head looking at Pete.] [Mr. Crocker has also used auto-tune in the recording]

Mr. Crocker: It sucks, does’t it?

[Cut to Vanessa]

Vanessa: Honey, calm down.

[Cut to Pete and Aidy]

Aidy: Did you use auto-tune?

[Cut to Pete and Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: I had to in some parts. Yeah. You know what? I’ll just change it to a song I don’t sing.

[Mr. Crocker changes the song]

There. Now everybody’s happy. You know, some of the chicken is actually not that bad.

[the music still has Mr. Crocker singing on it] [Cut to Vanessa]

Vanessa: That’s you singing Dave.

[Cut to Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: No, it’s Adam Levine from Maroon 5. So Dani, what do you parents do? Are they in music industry?

[Cut to Pete and Aidy]

Pete: Um, no. They’re real estate agents.

[Cut to Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: Good. Because I’m not exactly happy with the people in the music industry right now. Yeah, I think I’m getting ripped off by Skacy Steve over a Star Tracks.

[Cut to Pete and Aidy]

Aidy: Who is Skacy Steve?

[Cut to Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: He’s a big producer over at Star Tracks. He cornered me in the dressing room at a men’s warehouse and he told me I had a beautiful voice and I was an absolute star. Now, I’m paying a $1000 a day for studio time and I’m on call 24/7. He can call me in any time of the day to record a new track.

[Cut to Vanessa sipping some wine]

Vanessa: That’s insane.

[Cut to Mr. Crocker. His pager is beeping.]

Mr. Crocker: [looks at the phone] Dammit! It’s Skacy Steve!

[Cut to Vanessa]

Vanessa: When did you get a pager?

[Cut to Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: Skacy Steve gave it to me. I need to go and drop another verse.

[Cut to Vanessa]

Vanessa: Can’t you wait until you’re done with dinner?

[Cut to Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: Fine, but I gotta eat real fast.

[Mr. Crocker starts eating wildly] [Cut to everybody. The doorbell rings.]

Vanessa: I wonder who that is.

[Cut to Mr. Crocker]

Mr. Crocker: Oh, no! It’s Skacy Steve.

Skacy Steve: Come on, out of my way.

[Cut to everybody. Skacy Steve walks in to the dining hall.]

Hey, I’ve got a new track for you.

Mr. Crocker: I’m having dinner with my family, Skacy.

Skacy Steve: Listen to this, Dave. This is right to your key.

[Mr. Crocker starts recording then and there in a small instrument that Skacy Steve brought in.]

Mr. Crocker: [singing] I don’t like it, I love it, love it, love it

Skacy Steve: Straight to the top of the charts, Dave. You’re gonna be a massive star.

[Skacy Steve pats Pete]

How are you doing, son? Skacy Steve. [shaking hands with Pete] Big, big producer at Star Track. Have you ever thought about a career that in the recording industry?

[Cut to Pete and Aidy]

Pete: Sure.

[Cut to Skacy Steve]

Skacy Steve: Oh, my god. The voice of an angel. You’re gonna be a massive star baby.

[Cut to Skacy Steve smiling looking at the camera. His teeh twinkles.] [The End]