Matthew McConaughey… Taran Killam
Woody Harrelson[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: HBO starting production of it’s season two of it’s critically acclaimed series, “True Detective.” Here with their thoughts, on the stars of season one, Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson.[Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey slide in] [cheers and applause]
Woody Harrelson: How are you, Colin? Thank you for having us.
Matthew McConaughey: We’re no star, Josto.
Colin Jost: Now, Matthew, I’m a big fan of Interstellar.
Matthew McConaughey: Interstellar’s a big fan of you. [Cut to Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey] Coz at the end of the day, we’re all interconnected. Coz time is a flat circle. Future, present, goes to girlfriend’s past.[Cut to Colin Jost, Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey]
Colin Jost: Well, they’re starting season two and I gotta say, we’re gonna miss you guys on the series, you know?
Woody Harrelson: Oh, it’s nice of you, Colin. [Cut to Woody Harrelson adn Matthew McConaughey] We always knew it was gonna be a one and done situation.
Matthew McConaughey: Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Can’t go on and on to the breaking dawn. Coz we are the creatures of the night. Vampires, tsk-khii! Blood suckers. And when the cock crows, “Cuc-koo”, poof! Dust in the wind.
Woody Harrelson: I couldn’t have said that better myself, Matthew.[Cut to Colin Jost, Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey]
Colin Jost: I don’t think anyone could have said it like that. Now, you two have been friends for a long time. Is that why you decided to do the show together?[Cut to Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey]
Woody Harrelson: Yeah, yeah! I like working with Matthew. He really goes for it. I mean, he insisted on running his line fully nude.
Matthew McConaughey: You got to.
Woody Harrelson: Yeah! He ate lunch, fully nude.
Matthew McConaughey: Just so that open free air…
Woody Harrelson: And he even acted fully nude. They had to CGI clothes on him.[Cut to Colin Jost, Woody Harrelson adn Matthew McConaughey]
Colin Jost: Does that help your process?
Matthew McConaughey: What are actors, Co-Jo? [Cut to Woody Harrelson adn Matthew McConaughey] Truth finders. Answer getters. How many lakes does it take till you get to the center of the Tutsi park, three. How do I know? The owl told me. Hoo-hoo![Cut to Colin Jost, Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey]
Colin Jost: What owl?
Matthew McConaughey: Exact-mondo!
Colin Jost: Do you have any advise for Vince Bond and Colin Farrell? The new cast of “True Detective?”[Cut to Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey]
Woody Harrelson: Those guys are great actors. They’ll be fine. But, rule number one, trust your co-star.
Matthew McConaughey: Amen, brother.
Woody Harrelson: Yeah, this man took me on a journey. Two roads diverge and me and Matthew didn’t take either one.
Matthew McConaughey: Exactly. Because we… zeeeeee, travel by zipline. Brothers in battle. The Luigi to my Mario. I find a mushroom, pop-pop-pop-pop. Now, I’m bigger and he’s spitting fireballs. Du-du-du-du-du, Du-du-du-du-du. Pop on the turtle’s backs, send him into the base. I guess one man can jump.
Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey: Alright, alright, alright.[Cut to Colin Jost, Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey]
Colin Jost: Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson, everybody.
Matthew McConaughey: This one’s my soulmate.
Colin Jost: For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost.
Michael Che: I’m Michael. Good night.