Verbal Reversals
Partner…..Dana Carvey
Frank…..Jimmy Smits
Detective…..Chris Farley
[ open on interior, Precinct 17 Squad Room, as detective partners put away their report files ]
Partner: Well. I guess that case is finished.
Frank: Or maybe it’s.. just beginning.
Partner: [ chuckles ] No, it’s finished. Remember? We finished it.
Frank: In a way.. maybe it.. finished us.
Partner: [ chuckles ] Well.. I just know I, you know, wouldn’t want to go through that again. I think it might drive us crazy.
Frank: Or keep us sane.
[ they sit down at their desk ]Partner: Well, anyway, we solved the case. I guess that’s what really matters.
Frank: Well.. did we solve the case? Or.. did the case solve us?
Partner: Wha-what do you mean? That doesn’t even make sense!
Frank: Sometimes, the things that don’t make sense.. make the most sense of all.
[ pause ]Partner: Well.. well, I wouldn’t know about that. [ grimaces as he drinks from a cup of coffee ] I do know that this is the worst coffee I’ve ever had.
Frank: Or maybe the best.
Partner: [ annoyed ] You know something, Frank? Whenever anyone says anything, you’ve gotta say the opposite, just to make yourself look smart!
Frank: Or maybe to look dumb.
Partner: You’re doing it again!
Frank: Am I?
Partner: [ angry ] I’m going to have to kill you.
Frank: Maybe by killing me, you’ll be giving me life.
Partner: Stop it! Stop it right now!
Frank: Maybe by stopping it now, I’ll be continuing later.
Partner: [ shoots Frank in the heart ]
Frank: Maybe- [ drops dead, facefirst across the desk ] [ Detective walks up ]
Detective: Killed your partner, huh?
Partner: Yeah. But.. maybe in a way, my partner killed me.
Detective: Uh-oh. Now you’re doing it.
Partner: Maybe by doing it, I’m.. not.. doing it.
Detective: Only, you’re not as good at it. [ a beat ] Hey, let’s get a bite to eat. [ eyes spark ] Or.. let’s let a bite.. get.. us.. something to eat.
[ they nod at each other and smile satisfactorily to fade ]