Schmitt’s Gay
Housesitter #1…..Chris Farley
Housesitter #2…..Adam Sandler
[ open on two Housesitters entering dingy-looking house ]
Housesitter #1: [ disgusted ] This is a great housesitting job you found.. this place is a dump!
Housesitter #2: Just wait’ll you see the pool.
[ they reach the pool, whch is dirty and empty ]Housesitter #1: [ further disgusted ] No water!
[ Housesitter #2 grins slyly, then turns a faucet on and fills the pool. Dirty water starts to drip from the pipe, but suddenly the dirty pool is transformed into a sparkling paradise, as five heavily-pumped gay men rise from the water. ]Guy In Pool: You two look like you need to get wet!
Housesitters: [ looking up to the heavens ] Thank you!
[ flash on Schmitt’s Gay logo on the front of a bottle ] [ intercut shots of crotch areas of the gay men, as the Housesitters scream excitedly ] [ various scenes of the Housesitters engaged in activities with the gay pool guys are seen – drinking, videotaping, doing the congo, etc. ]Announcer: If you’ve got a big thirst, and you’re gay, reach for a cold, tall bottle of Schmitt’s Gay.
[ cut to Housesitters massaging the pool guys ]Housesitter #1: I think I’m gonna like housesitting..
Housesitter #2: Uh.. yeah!
[ fade ]