Author: Don Roy King

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 11

80k: Charlene Tilton / Todd Rundgren, Prince

Backstage Jealousy

…..Charlene Tilton
…..Charles Rocket
…..Joe Piscopo
…..Ann Risley
…..Gail Matthius

(After the monologue, Charlene runs off to the stage door, where Charles Rocket is waiting for her. He claps, and she gives him a big hug, giggling with excitement.)

Rocket: All right, Charlene!

Tilton: Charlie, how’d I do?

Rocket: You were great. Hey, listen, let’s go to your dressing room, I’ll make a few more notes, okay, give you a couple more ideas? All right.

Tilton: Okay!

(they both run by Joe Piscopo and Ann Risley. Piscopo sits down on the bench with Risley and tries to get affectionate with her by kissing her on the neck)

Risley: No, n-no, no, no, no, no-no more. No more.

Piscopo: Why? What’s wrong? (continues to kiss her)

Risley: What’s wrong? Joe, THIS is wrong! It’s – we just can’t keep on like this! I’m, I, I think we ought to end it.

Piscopo: Aw, come on, Annie …

Risley: No, rea- it’s, it’s over, Joe. It’s over. It’s just too selfish. I mean, we have to think about the show. Look, romance and work just don’t mix.

(she gets up and walks away, leaving Piscopo dejected)

Piscopo: Ann!

(Gail Matthius enters and sits down by Piscopo)

Matthius: Uh, Joe, anything wrong?

Piscopo: Ann doesn’t wanna see me anymore.

Matthius: Oh, why not?

Piscopo: She says romance and work don’t mix.

Matthius: Oh, that’s funny, ’cause I … I called Charlie’s apartment last night about a script, oh, it was about 2 or 3 in the morning and uh, Ann answered the phone.

Piscopo: Wait, wai-wai-wai-wait … she was at Charlie’s apartment?

Matthius: (rolls eyes) Joe, get WITH it! God! Hey, yeah, she’s been at Charlie’s apartment every night this week! I guess they … (suggestively) MUST have been working on a script or something.

(she gets up and walks away. The camera zooms in on Piscopo, revenge on his face)

Piscopo: I’ll get that Charlie Rocket if it’s the last thing I ever do.

(cliffhanger cue)

Submitted by: The G Man

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 11

80k: Charlene Tilton / Todd Rundgren, Prince

A Fiddler Be On The Roof

Teyve…..Eddie Murphy

[ open on silhouette of a fiddler on stage ]

Announcer: In the Broadway tradition of the all-Black “Hello Dolly” and “The Wiz”… Hal Prince presents Stevie Wonder as the immortal Teyve.

[ Stevie Wonder steps on to the stage dancing and singing traditional Jewish song ]

Announcer: Stevie Wonder IS… Teyve!

[ Stevie Wonder continues his performance ]

Announcer: Stevie Wonder IS Teyve in… “A Fiddler be on the Roof”! Call now for tickets.

[ fade ]

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 11

80k: Charlene Tilton / Todd Rundgren, Prince

Goodnights

…..Charlene Tilton
…..cast of SNL

(everyone is gathered on stage. Charles Rocket, cigarette in mouth, sits in a wheelchair wearing a robe, with a white bandage on his left clavicle. Charlene holds a pink balloon.)

Charlene Tilton: Charlie, how are you feeling after you’ve been shot?

Charles Rocket: Aw man, it’s the first time I’ve ever been shot in my life. I’d like to know who the fuck did it.

(most of the cast reacts with excited shock)

Charlene Tilton: Okay! (lets out an excited scream, then kisses Charlie on the cheek. As the closing music plays, everyone waves goodbye, the audience applauds, and the credits start to roll.)

Don Pardo V/O: Saturday Night Live will be back in two weeks, when our host will be Bill Murray. This is Don Pardo saying, I’M the one who shot Charlie Rocket! I caught him fooling around with my wife, the lovely Mrs. Don Pardo. I used a Smith n’Wessun 32 which I purchased from the Spiegel catalogue, Chicago 60609. Good night.

(meanwhile on stage, Gilbert gets a big hug from Charlene. Looks like he got his wish.)

Submitted by: The G Man

SNL Transcripts

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 11

80k: Charlene Tilton / Todd Rundgren, Prince

After Midnight

Vince Calypso…..Charles Rocket
Marylin Sparks…..Gail Matthius
…..Charlene Tilton
…..cast of SNL

(groovy music plays over the opening title. The host sits on a mattress wearing only sunglasses and a swimsuit, holding a microphone, talking in a hip, suggestive tone.)

Vince: Hi. I’m Vince Calypso and welcome to “After Midnight”, the cable TV show that’s not afraid to explore relationships. We believe that only by knowing others can you get to know yourself, whether you’re into swapping or making your loved one walk on a leash. Everything’s all right, as long as nobody gets hurt. We’ve been joined tonight by someone who’s very much into what I’m into … Honey? Tell us your name.

(pan over to “Kitty,” martini in hand)

Kitty: (speaks softly, like Marylin Monroe) My name is Marylin Sparks, but you can call me Kitty. (sips martini)

Vince: Kitty, why don’t you introduce us to your friend here?

(a live sheepdog is also on the mattress with them)

Kitty: Sure. This is Muffin.

Vince,/b>: Kitty, why don’t you tell everybody what we’re going to do with Muffin?

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 11

80k: Charlene Tilton / Todd Rundgren, Prince

Charlene Tilton’s Monologue

…..Charlene Tilton

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Charlene Tilton!

Charlene Tilton: Alright! Hello! I LOVE it! I love you! I can’t tell y’all — it is SO great to be here! It is so refreshing to get away from the crime, the corruption and the sex I have to face each week on “Dallas”. I mean, I gotta tell ya’! If you want to get away from crime, sex and corruption, where else should you go except New York? [ the crowd cheers ] Speaking of sex, though — I mean, you wouldn’t beleive how many people here at this show have tried to take advantage of me. [ male audience member “whoo”s ] Hey, can you blame them! [ she laughs ] But, no, really, honestly — the only one I trust at this show is Charlie Rocket. The only one! He is the only one at this show who has NOT tried to take advantage of me, and he’s the ONLY one who’s really not a lecher! Um — and I really gotta take this opportunity to thank him for helping me and coaching me, and I really do appreciate it, Charlie. Uh, also, there is one other thing I’ve always wanted to say, ever since I was about, uh, [ sge holds her arm up ] this high! [ she laughs ] And that is, uh: “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” No, I’m just kidding! I’m just kidding! Charlei gave me permission to say that, so he said it’s okay. So, uh, anyway — we’ll be right back, okay?

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 11

80k: Charlene Tilton / Todd Rundgren, Prince

Speaking Out

Bill…..Matthew Laurence
Officer Ruth Warren…..Denny Dillon

[ open on title card ]

[ dissolve to public access set ]

Bill: Good evening. Welcome to “Speaking Out”. Sitting next to me is a member of the New York City Police Department — Officer Ruth Warren. Officer Warren is part of a special unit, recently formed to combat a growing problem in the city. Officer Warren? [ he acknowledges the camera ] speak Out.

Officer Ruth Warren: Thank you, Bill.

Bill: You’re welcome.

Officer Ruth Warren: I’d like to speak out to every citizen who is watching. We have a very serious new crime that is being committed all over the city, and we intend to put a stop to it.

Bill: What is that crime?

Officer Ruth Warren: Well, the crime is illegal use of bathroom facilities that were built for the handicapped only. You see, what we’ve got, Bill, is a lot of people in the wrong toilets.

Bill: That’s awful! That is awful!

Officer Ruth Warren: Right! Now, THEY know they’re in there, and WE know they’re in there, and we intend to pull them OUT of there!

Bill: Well, Officer Warren, uh — what exactly are they doing in there?

Officer Ruth Warren: Well, uh, why, uh… face it, Bill — it’s a great stall! I mean, it’s as big as a room, there’s no graffiti, and, best of all, you’ve got those wonderful chrome rails. You know, you just throw your coat over it.

Bill: Wow, that’s really outrageous to me, that’s outrageous. Now, how do you catch these people?

Officer Ruth Warren: Well, we have our basic techniques. Uh — foremost, of course, of which is surveillance.

Bill: Waht do you mean?

Officer Ruth Warren: Peeking. You know, take a look, preferably over the top.

Bill: Over the top?

Officer Ruth Warren: Uh-huh.

Bill: Did you ever try, you know, just peeking through the crack in the door?

Officer Ruth Warren: Well, Bill, one of our officers tried that, see, and what happened was, the door opened and he lost half his nose.

Bill: Ow! Now, are you making many arrests?

Officer Ruth Warren: Oh, yes. Thanks, of course, in part to our informers.

Bill: Informers. Now, who are those?

Officer Ruth Warren: Oh, well, you have your bathrom regulars, you know, that the police department works with.

Bill: It sounds to me like you’ve got the problem well in hand.

Officer Ruth Warren: Uh, not at all. You know, these people are getting very tricky in there.

Bill: How?

Officer Ruth Warren: Well, the most common trick is, uh, they lift the left foot up, you know? [ she demonstrates ] So that way, if somebody looks underneath, they see a person with one foot, God forbid!

Bill: Oh! These people are getting SO clever these days.

Officer Ruth Warren: Oh, that’s nothing! Now these bimbos are bring shopping carts in there, so when the police look under all they see is wheels.

Bill: Officer Warren, we’re running out of time. Do you have any final comments?

Officer Ruth Warren: Oh, yes. Yes. Uh, yes. We — we — we need public assistance. If anyone sees one of these criminals, please remember: Don’t just sit there, DO SOMETHING!

Bill: “Do something.” Good night. Thank you.

[ fade ]

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  Season 6: Episode 7

80g: Karen Black / Cheap Trick, Stanley Clarke Trio

60 Minutes

Dan Rather…..Joe Piscopo
Bill Leonard…..Pete Fatovich
Heather Clark…..Jeannine Kerwin
Mike Wallace…..??

[ open on graphic of ticking clock ]

[ dissolve to Dan Rather seated in front of “No Babes In Newsland…” graphic ]

Dan Rather: I’m Dan Rather… with another edition… of “60 Minutes”. In past shows, we’ve investigated everything from the Tunisian Gulf… to the Love Canal. Tonight, we take a look at ourselves. In a recent poll, it was disclosed that what IRKS most viewers of “60 Minutes”… is that there ARE… NO… WOMEN. We explain this phenomenon as we examine… No Babes… In Newsland.

[ cut to film footage of Dan Rather interviewing Bill Leonard ]

Dan Rather V/O: We talked to Bill Leonard, President of CBS News, about this situation.

Bill Leonard: There ARE women on “60 Minutes”! Ask anyone on the show!

Dan Rather: I AM on the show… and there ARE no women!

Bill Leonard: That’s because — that’s because 1 out of every 4 weeks, they wouldn’t be able to work! [ chuckling ] You know what I mean, Dan?

[ Dan Rather offers a stone-faced reaction ]

Bill Leonard: I mean, after all, Dan — we’re replacing you with a Black man. That’s practically the same thing!

[ cut to Dan Rather walking through the offices of “60 Minutes” ]

Dan Rather V/O: We decided to ask some of the women who work on the “60 Minutes” staff… why there are no women on the air. But we couldn’t find any women… here.

[ Dan Rather looks back at the desks dominated by male employees ]

[ cut to male employees drinking coffee in the break room ]

Dan Rather V/O: — or here.

[ cut to Dan Rather standing in front of a women’s restroom ]

Dan Rather: — or here.

[ cut to Dan Rather interviewing Heather Clark ]

Dan Rather V/O: This is Heather Clark… award-winning journalist.

Heather Clark: I was almost hired by “60 Minutes” to be an acnhorperson, but it never materialized.

Dan Rather: Why not? What happened?

Heather Clark: [ she sighs heavily ] I don’t like to say this, but… I just have a feeling that Mike Wallace did not want me hired.

[ cut to Mike Wallace ]

Dan Rather V/O: So we spoke to Mike Wallace.

Mike Wallace: Ridiculous! Heather Clark is a fine journalist, and she’d be an asset to the show.

[ cut to Dan Rather speaking to Heather Clark ]

Dan Rather: Mike Wallace told us — and I quote — “Heather Clark” would “be an asset to the show.”

Heather Clark: Well, I just get the feeling that he did not want me hired.

Dan Rather: Why?

Heather Clark: Well, there’s this note I received.

[ she pulls out a large, painted note that reads: “Take This Job — You’re Dead” ]

Dan Rather V/O: We spoke to Mike Wallace about these allegations.

[ cut to Mike Wallace ]

Mike Wallace: You know, Dan — I wouldn’t do a thing like that!

[ camera pulls back to reveal hand-painted signs of a similar nature ]

Mike Wallace: Besides — it’s not even my handwriting!

[ cut to Dan Rather interviewing someone who’s face is obscured by a blue dot ]

Dan Rather V/O: We asked a trusted CBS employee about Mr. Wallace’s behavior. He asked not to be identified on camera.

Voice: [ obviously Walter Cronkite ] It’s clear from every eye, from Maine to Alaska, that Mike Wallace is a good reporter. But when it comes to women, it’s another matter ENTIRELY! You know, he’s a close friend of Harry Reasoner’s, and ever since Harry was viciously CASTRATED by Barbara Walters, Mike swore NEVER to work with a woman again!

[ cut to Dan Rather standing outside of Mike Wallace’s office ]

Dan Rather: Mike? We’d like to ask you a few questions.

[ peeking through the door frame ] I’m not in!

[ Mike Wallace shuts the door, then shoves a hand-painted “I’m Not In” sign under the door ]

Dan Rather: [ he picks up the sign and reads it ] “I’m No In”. [ he glares at the camera ] He’s not in!

[ return to live studio “No Babes In Newsland…” graphic ]

Dan Rather V/O: Since we last broadcast that story… we received a number of letters.

[ letters appear on screen ]

A woman from Canoga Park California wrote: “…it was about time that you exposed this gross injustice.”

A gentlemen from Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania said: “…I like it. But why don’t you do stories on important things: Like why there are no black hockey players?”

And this, from New York City: [ signed R. Mudd ] “…as usual Rather got his facts mixed up. I can’t believe an irresponsible Journalist like him is replacing Walter Cronkite.”

[ dissolve to Dan Rather in front of the “No Babes In Newsland…” graphic ]

Dan Rather: I’m Dan Rather. Join us next week… for another edition… of “60 Minutes”.

[ fade ]

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 7

80g: Karen Black / Cheap Trick, Stanley Clarke Trio

Carters Leave the White House

Mover #1…..Matthew Laurance
Rosalynn Carter…..Ann Risley
Amy Carter…..Denny Dillon
Jimmy Carter…..Joe Piscopo

[ open on exterior, White House, with SUPER: “Inauguration Day: Oval Office” ]

[ dissolve to interior, Oval Office, as moving men stack boxes at the center of the room ]

Mover #1: Mrs. Carter? We’re taking these down to the van now.

[ the moving men wheel the boxes away, revealing Rosalynn Carter crouched in front of the President’s desk trying to pry the Presidential Seal off the front ]

Rosalynn Carter: Well, hurry up! We only have FIVE minutes! Amy! Amy! Get in here with that crowbar! I’m not leaving this house without this seal!

[ Amy runs into the room carrying part of the bannister ]

Amy Carter: I’m sorry, Mama! I needed it for the bannister!

Rosalynn Carter: [ standing ] And, honey, don’t forget about the stairs — if that damn Nancy wants to get up to the second floor, she’s gonna have to CLAW her way up!

Amy Carter: She SCARES me, Mama! You suppose she ever KILLED anyone?

Rosalynn Carter: No, honey — she just MARRIES them instead! [ she finally pries the Presidential seal loose ] Here, Amy, here — put this in the box with the sink. Now… what’s left?

[ Rosalynn begins to take down the drapes ]

Amy Carter: Well, let’s see now… we cleared out the East Wing, and, uh, there’s nothing left in the West Wing. And, uh… I drained the pool! [ she laughs ]

Rosalynn Carter: Leave the diving board!

[ suddenly, Jimmy Carter enters carrying shrubbery ]

Jimmy Carter: This is the last of the Rose Garden! [ he stuffs the shrubs into a briefcase ]

Amy Carter: [ digging through a box ] Look, Mama! I got every DOOR KNOB, every FAUCET HANDLE… I even got the handle to the toilet!

Rosalynn Carter: That’s my Amy!

Jimmy Carter: Well… I guess that’s about everything.

[ the two movers roll the President’s desk out the door, as the red phone begins to beep ]

Jimmy Carter: Ohhhh… that’s the Hot Line. I’ll get it.

[ Jimmy yanks the phone from the wall, wraps its wires around, then tucks the phone under his arm ]

Jimmy Carter: I’ll go get the Welcome Mat!

[ Jimmy exits the Oval Office ]

[ outside, a car horn honks ]

Amy Carter: Mama! It’s them! It’s them!

Voice of Nancy Reagan: [ over bullhorn ] WE KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE! IT’S OUR HOME NOW, SO GET OUT! IT’S ALL OVER!

Rosalynn Carter: Oh no, it’s not! It’s… [ she turns to face the camera ] “LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!”

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 7

80g: Karen Black / Cheap Trick, Stanley Clarke Trio

Paulie Herman at the Diner

Paulie Herman…..Joe Piscopo
Waitress…..Denny Dillon
Woman at booth…..Karen Black

[ open on interior, crowded diner ]

[ Jersey Guy Paulie Herman stands by a display of spinning pies ]

Paulie Herman: Woooowww! This sure is a nice place here! Yessiree! I bet all the baking’s done right on the premises! Oh, boy — I LOVE to eat out!

[ the Waitress steps up ]

Waitress: Hey, buddy — we don’t have much room, so you’re gonna have to share a booth.

Paulie Herman: [ excited ] Okay!

Waitress: [ to Woman at booth ] Lady, you mind sharing a booth with this guy?

Woman at Booth: It’s all right.

Waitress: Have a seat.

Paulie Herman: Thank you very much!

[ Paulie sits and tries to contain his excitement at dining with a beautiful lady ]

Paulie Herman: Hello! My name’s Paulie Herman.

Woman at Booth: Nice to meet you.

Paulie Herman: I’m from Jersey! [ he laughs maniacally ] Are you from Jersey? [ he laughs maniacally ] I’m from Jersey! [ he laughs maniacally ]

Woman at Booth: Heck, no — I’m from Dallas.

Paulie Herman: Woooowww! [ singing ] “Deep in the heart of Texas!”

Woman at Booth: Excuse me, but do you mind not singing while I’m digesting?

Paulie Herman: Oh. I’m sorry. [ he glances at the table ] Hey! We got a little jukebox here! We can listen to soem real music! Wow, they got a lot of contemporary artists! Look at that — Jerry Vale… Al Martino… Terrific! The Police! Hey — do you think Barney Miller’s with that group? [ he laughs maniacally ]

Woman at Booth: [ laughing ] That’s a good one!

Paulie Herman: Wow! Thank you very — So, uh… where in Dallas are you from?

Woman at Booth: Well… you know Preston Road?

Paulie Herman: No.

Woman at Booth: Uh — you know Allendale Lane?

Paulie Herman: No.

Woman at Booth: You ever been to Dallas?

Paulie Herman: No.

Woman at Booth: Let me ask you a question.

Paulie Herman: What?

Woman at Booth: What is that cologne you’re wearing?

Paulie Herman: Ethylchloride.

Woman at Booth: [ she laughs ] That’s a good one!

Paulie Herman: Yeah, we make it at the plant where I work! You know, I can proudly say that the chemical company I work for owns FOUR toxic waste dumps!

[ she laughs ]

Paulie Herman: Thank you very much!

[ the Waitress re-appears and hands Paulie a menu ]

Paulie Herman: Oh!

Waitress: You know what you want, buddy?

Paulie Herman: [ reading the cover of the menu ] This says the “Turnpike Diner”! Hey, what’s this — Last Cheesecake Before Exit?

[ he and she laugh maniacally ]

Waitress: I don’t have ALL DAY, pal!

Paulie Herman: Oh. Okay. I’d like an omelet, plain, on wheat toast, please.

Waitress: No wheat toast!

Paulie Herman: Why? Are you out of wheat toast?

Waitress: Don’t argue with me! You get WHITE toast with an OMELET!

Paulie Herman: [ meekly ] Okay.

Woman at Booth: But that ain’t what you want!

Paulie Herman: But that’s not what I want!

Woman at Booth: What he wants!

Waitress: Read the menu! It says: [ she opens the menu ] “No Substitutions!” You know? Can’t you read? Where you from?

Woman at Booth: He’s from Jersey.

[ Paulie laughs maniacally ]

Paulie Herman: Are you from Jersey! [ he laughs manaically and shakes his dining companion’s hand ]

Waitress: Hey, uh, listen you two! I don’t have all day to fool around!

Woman at Booth: Yeah, you know, all he wants is an omelet with whole wheat toast!

Waitress: You know, I’m tired of people coming in here, like you, and thinking they can CHANGE THE RULES!!

Paulie Herman: [ thinking ] You know… this reminds me of a movie I saw once…

Woman at Booth: Yeahhhh… [ she thinks about it ]

Paulie Herman: Nah… Nah!

Waitress: [ impatiently ] You gonna ORDER, or what?!

Woman at Booth: Let me see if I can do it… [ in her best Nicholson voice ] Bring him a plain omelet —

Waitress: Plain omelet.

Woman at Booth: Bring him a chicken salad sandwich on whole wheat toast, with lettuce, mayonnaisse and tomatoes. you got that?

Waitress: Yes!

Woman at Booth: Good! Now, hold the tomatoes… hold the lettuce… hold the mayonnaisse… hold the chicken between your knees, and BRING THIS MAN HIS WHOLE WHEAT TOAST!!!

Waitress: [ fuming ] Alright! Alright!

Woman at Booth: HALLELUAH!! One more thing.

Waitress: Yes?

[ the woman thrusts the contents of the table onto the floor ]

Woman at Booth: [ to Paulie ] You gotta know how to handle ’em, honey!

Paulie Herman: [ impressed ] Wooowwww!! Wooowwww!! Woooowwww!!

Woman at Booth: I know a better place down the street!

Paulie Herman: Yeah?

Woman at Booth: Let’s get out of here!

Paulie Herman: Oh, yes!

Woman at Booth: It’s kind of messy anyway around here.’

[ they exit the diner as the Waitress yells after them ]

[ the camera pans upward into the audience, and zooms in on man with SUPER: “This Man Has Ruined His Chair” ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 7

80g: Karen Black / Cheap Trick, Stanley Clarke Trio

Saturday Night Live Action Dolls

…..Charles Rocket

[ open on Charles Rocket standing behind oversized box ]

Charles Rocket: Having trouble finding a gift for that “someone special”? Well, how about “Saturday Night Live” Cast Dolls? Yes! Now you can have your OWN cast party with these life-like adult action toys!

[ zoom in on the dolls posed inside the box, as Rocket’s hands move them around for different scenarios ]

Hey! Did Ann come to the party with Gilly? No? It’s up to you! Is that Denny passed out on the couch? That’s right — she’s had too much to drink! Look! There’s Joe boogeying with Gail! Oh boy, Joe and Gail are REALLY getting down! [ he mimicks a telephone ringing ] Uh-oh! It’s joe’s wife on the phone! He has to go home! Too bad, Joe! Yes! Hey, look, everybody — Ann’s not wearing any panties! She NEVER does! Or maybe she’s wearing THREE pairs — YOU decide! Hello! Gilly’s gonna be SICK! Gee, Gilly, QUICK — run to the bathroom! HURRY UP!! [ Rocket dunks the Gilly doll over an adjoning toilet ] Ohhhhh, just in time! That leaves Charlie all alone with all the women! Heyyyy, he’s not running away! He can handle that kind of action! [ he mimicks a doorbell ringing ] Oh-oh! That could be the POLICE! Maybe Charlie has to get rid of all his expensive drugs! Look out, Charlie! quick — to the bathroom! RUN!! RUN!! Gilly’s in the way! Alright, get him in the bathroom! Whoo! THAT was just in time! WHAT’S THAT?! It’s just JOE at the door?! It wasn’t the police at all, and he’s forgotten his wallet?! OHHHHH, Charlie is FURIOUS!! [ Charlie maneuvers the two dolls at one another ] Don’t fight, fellas!

[ Rocket stops playing with the dolls, the camera zooms back out ]

Charles Rocket: Sound like fun? You BET! They’re the “Saturday Night Live” Action Dolls! Action accessories and action apartment not included!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts