Chad… Pete Davidson
Elf… Mikey Day
Dwarf… Beck Bennett
Centaur… Kenan Thompson
Queen… Cecily Strong[Starts with Chad playing video game in his room at night.] [Suddenly, there’s a glowing light in his closet. Chad walks to the closet and opens it. He sees a portal inside and he walks through it. He reaches to a different world where it’s snowing. There are two men and a centaur welcoming him.]
Elf: Welcome. Our prophets told of a savior. He would arrive from another land to free our world from the grip of darkness. What is your birth name?
Centaur: The dark lord Azerhan and his army of shadows has entombed our world in ice and snow.
Dwarf: Only you can defeat him, Chad.
Elf: We must inform the queen of your arrival.[Queen walks in]
Queen: No need. I felt his presence. I am queen Chrysalis, ruler of Assyria and the nine rivers from Stark to Everseed.
Queen: There was a time when the meadows bloomed. And there is hope that they may bloom again for today marks your coming.
Chad: [giggling] Coming.
Queen: You are the savior of Assyria. So says the prophecy.
All: So says the prophecy.
Queen: But you must undertake a dangerous journey. [Chad is using his phone] You may return to your world at any time if you desire. The choice is yours. But be warned.
Centaur: He left.
Queen: What?[Elf walks forward]
Elf: My leige.
Queen: Yes.[Cut to Chad playing video game in his room. Elf walks in his room through the portal.]
Elf: Chad, why did you leave?
Chad: I was bored.
Elf: Can you come back for a moment? We weren’t done.
Chad: Okay.[Chad and Elf walk through the portal again]
Queen: Thank you, Chad. You have chosen to follow your destiny.
Dwarf: First, you must climb the mountain of despair.
Centaur: Then ford the river of flame.
Elf: And survive the forest of translucent transgressions.
Queen: And after the veil of evil is lifted, you will become king and I will give you with my virginity.
Chad: Dope! [Chad opens his pants]
Queen: After your journey.
Chad: Oh, okay. [Chad wears his pants back on]
Queen: To aid you on this quest, we give you these items.
Centaur: From the order of the centauri, I present you with this map to guide you. [Centaur passes a map to Chad] Thousands of my kind died beyond the mountains to create it. May they rest with the gods.[As they are bowing to Chad, the wind blows the map away.]
Dwarf: And from the kingdom of dwarves, I give you the crystal of Gumligin to light your path. [Dwarf puts a crystal necklace on Chad. The crystal is glowing.]
Elf: And from the Elven council, the sword of the great warrior, Ashton. [Elf gives Chad a sword. Chad starts swinging the sword randomly.]
Queen: Safe travels, young warrior. May the great gods bless you.
Chad: Okay.[Chad turns around and walks away]
Elf: That boy is our last hope.
Queen: I do not see a boy. I see a warrior.[Chad is holding the sword as if it is his penis]
Chad: Ha-ha. Look!
Dwarf: Hah! It’s like his sword is his penis. Very clever.[The End]