Lisa Ferar… Cecily Strong
Jackie Fong… Reese Witherspoon
Kedal… Kenan Thompson
Marquees… Jay Pharoah
Andrew Marks… Pete Davidson
Clay Alexander… Kyle Mooney[Starts with The Scene in LA intro] [Cut to Lisa Ferar and Jackie Fong in their show set dancing drinking cocktails.]
Lisa Ferar: Hi, you guys. Welcome to our premiere episode of The Scene in LA. I’m Lisa Ferar.
Jackie Fong: And I’m Jackie Fong. The Fong is by marriage, obviously.
Lisa Ferar: Yes, she is married to the fabulous plastic surgeon, Henry Fong. He is generous producer of our show and maker of these boobs.
Jackie Fong: And these, among other things.
Lisa Ferar: [laughing] Yes, I love that.
Jackie Fong: I also love this couch.
Lisa Ferar: Ooh, me too. Hey, Kedal, where is this couch from?[Cut to Kedal and Marquees in the sound department.]
Kedal: Huh? What’s that, sweetheart? I can’t hear you coz I’m in my headset.[Cut to Lisa Ferar and Jackie Fong]
Lisa Ferar: But don’t our mics feed into your headset?[Cut to Kedal and Marquees]
Marquees: Um, not as of right now.
Kedal: We’re still trying to figure out what all this stuff is, okay?[Cut to Lisa Ferar and Jackie Fong]
Jackie Fong: Well, at least we’re on fleek!
Lisa Ferar: Oh! [laughing] Yes, I love that. Fleek! Okay, guys, we promised a hot show and we are going to deliver because our first guest is hot, hot, hot!
Jackie Fong: He was just named one of the top chefs under 25 in LA Weekly.
Lisa Ferar: Please welcome Andrew Marks![Lisa Ferar and Jackie Fong stand up and dance as Andrew Marks walks in] [Lisa Ferar and Jackie Fong put Andrew Marks between them]
Jackie Fong: Hey!
Lisa Ferar: Hi!
Andrew Marks: Hello.[Lisa Ferar and Jackie Fong are sitting super close to Andrew Marks]
Lisa Ferar: First ques… um, how much under 25 are you?
Jackie Fong: Second ques… what’s your age ceiling?
Andrew Marks: Ha-ha. I… um… I thought we were gonna talk about my restaurant.
Lisa Ferar: Yeah, we’ll get there.[phone message alert. Lisa Ferar checks her phone.]
Lisa Ferar: Alright, guys. I’m so sorry. You guys, my assistant Kevin just texted. I gotta call him back, it’s an emergency. You guys get cozy.
Jackie Fong: Okay. So, chefs have really long hours. [you can hear Lisa Ferar dialing the number on her phone] Um, must be you have a lot of stamina.
Andrew Marks: Well, you know…
Lisa Ferar: [speaking on the phone] Kevin, it’s me. You need to get me my poise pads.[Jackie Fong and Andrew Marks look confused]
Jackie Fong: Um, so, um… do you think I’m hot?
Lisa Ferar: speaking on the phone] No, you gave me freaking depends diapers. It feels like I’m sitting on a wet pillow.
Andrew Marks: Are you hearing that?
Lisa Ferar: I said, find me some poise pads.
Andrew Marks: You must have heard that, right?
Lisa Ferar: Okay… [Lisa Ferar walks back in] What did I miss?
Jackie Fong: Hey girl.
Lisa Ferar: Nothing fun I hope.[Cut to Kedal and Marquees]
Kedal: Um, sweetheart, you left your mic on.[Cut to Lisa Ferar, Jackie Fong and Andrew Marks]
Lisa Ferar: When?[Cut to Kedal and Marquees]
Kedal: We had a direct connection to you for all of that.[Cut to Lisa Ferar, Jackie Fong and Andrew Marks]
Lisa Ferar: Why didn’t you turn my sound off, Marquees?[Cut to Kedal and Marquees]
Marquees: Okay, I’m sorry. I do not know how.[Cut to Lisa Ferar, Jackie Fong and Andrew Marks]
Jackie Fong: You told Mr. Fong you could do all of this.[Cut to Kedal and Marquees]
Marquees: Um, honey. We all lie in interview, okay? You get on the job and you figure it out.[Cut to Lisa Ferar, Jackie Fong and Andrew Marks]
Jackie Fong: Okay, well, while you’re figuring it out, let’s just bring out another guest.
Lisa Ferar: Yes! I love my job!
Jackie Fong: [to Andrew Marks] You can your DP can just move over to that chair so that we can make room for our next guest. He was named one of LA’s 25 hottest DJs under 22.
Lisa Ferar: Come on out, Clay Alexander.[Lisa Ferar and Jackie Fong stand up and dance as Clay Alexander walks in] [Lisa Ferar and Jackie Fong put Clay Alexander between them]
Jackie Fong: So, you play music but you don’t write it.[Lisa Ferar and Jackie Fong are sitting super close to Clay Alexander]
Clay Alexander: Well, I guess you can say–
Lisa Ferar: [interrupting] Hey! Has anyone ever told you that you look like a young Scott Bakula?
Jackie Fong: Yes! Yes!
Clay Alexander: I don’t even know what that is. That can be like, the name of an animal or something.
Lisa Ferar: [laughing] Yes, I love that. So funny.
Jackie Fong: It’s time for a commercial break, so you guys don’t go anywhere.[Jackie Fong runs out] [Cut to Kedal and Marquees]
Kedal: I don’t know what she’s talking about. We not in a commercial.[Cut to Clay Alexander and Lisa Ferar]
Lisa Ferar: We’re not? Oh, hey, what would you do if you saw me in the club?[you can hear Jackie Fong through the mic]
Jackie Fong: Oh, my god. Thank god that bathroom is empty. How cute is that DJ? [farts] [Jackie Fong and Clay Alexander are disgusted] Oh, my god! I just farted so loud. Thank god I did it in here, not in front of that hunky DJ.[Lisa Ferar comes back in]
Lisa Ferar: Okay. What were we talking about? Any hot hookups while I was away?[Cut to Kedal and Marquees]
Kedal: Sweetheart, we heard what you did. It was nasty.[Cut to Lisa Ferar, Jackie Fong and Clay Alexander]
Jackie Fong: What? Why can’t Marquees turn off our mics?[Cut to Kedal and Marquees]
Marquees: Okay, please do not yell at me today. I cannot deal with that type of energy.
Kedal: I mean, we’ll be better by the next show, I bet.[Cut to Lisa Ferar, Jackie Fong and Clay Alexander]
Lisa Ferar: Okay, ya, please do. Oh, here comes my baby Winston to take us out. Winston! What have you got?[a dog walks in]
Clay Alexander: Is that a poise pad?[the dog gives Lisa Ferar a poise pad]
Lisa Ferar: No, no.[Andrew Marks and Clay Alexander run away from the stage]
Jackie Fong: Hey, where are you guys going? Don’t leave. What are you doing later tonight?
Lisa Ferar: Just… let’s dance.[music playing] [Lisa Ferar and Jackie Fong stand and start dancing]