Kevin… Adam Driver
Vanessa Bayer
Cody… Kyle Mooney
Madison… Kate McKinnon
Liev Schreiber
[Starts with Kevin and Vanessa receiving the Oscar Award]
Kevin: Dreamworks, this was your vision.
Vanessa: And thank you to Debbie Liberman and the whole team at CAA. And oh, and to this wonderful man beside me. My writing partner and my husband. Kevin, you are my rock.
Kevin: And of course to our two beautiful children, Cody and Madison, mommy and daddy did it!
Vanessa: And if you’re watching this, go to bed.
[Cut to Cody and Madison watching the Oscars on TV]
Cody: You heard mom. We have to go to bed.
Madison: I’m not tired.
[Cody turns off the TV and lights]
[Cody and Madison are brushing teeth]
[Cody and Madison are praying]
Cody: Dear lord. Thank you for giving mommy and daddy a Golden Globe.
Madison: And please watch over us until they get home.
Cody: Amen.
[Cody tucking Madison inside the bed]
Madison: But we didn’t get our story.
Cody: You heard mom. We have to go to bed right now.
[Cody and Madison are on their beds staring at the ceiling]
Madison: Are you awake?
Cody: Yeah.
Madison: Do you think mommy and daddy are thinking about us?
Cody: I know they are.
[Cut to Kevin and Vanessa at the party looking at their awards.]
Kevin: We won freaking Golden Globes.
Vanessa: This is the best thing that ever happened to us.
[Cut to Cody and Madison]
Madison: Mom looked pretty when she left. Do you think she’s ever gonna come back?
Cody: Yes, of course. [whispering] I don’t know.
[Cut to Kevin and Vanessa at the party]
Kevin: I just turned next to Leo at the urinal. I saw his whole [bleep]. It’s huge!
Vanessa: I knew it. This whole night is so amazing.
[Cut to Cody and Madison sleeping. They wake by the owl’s noise.]
Madison: What is that?
Cody: It’s probably nothing.
[Cut to Kevin and Vanessa at the party. Vanessa is sniffing cocaine and Kevin is imitating the award as it’s his penis.]
[Cut to Cody and Madison waiting at home awake]
[Cut to Kevin and Vanessa getting to another party where security stops them]
Security: Guys, guys, guys. Stars only.
Kevin: [bleep] you man! Don’t push my wife.
Vanessa: Be a man for once Kevin. Hit him.
Security: You don’t wanna hit me sir.
Kevin: Hold on to your hats. You’re about to get pounded.
[Kevin jumps on security]
[Cut to Cody. He looks at time and it’s 5 in the morning.]
[Cut to the security chasing Kevin and Vanessa]
[Kevin and Vanessa run. Vanessa falls down.]
[Kevin looks at Vanessa, turns around and runs.]
[Cut to Vanessa]
Vanessa: Hey! Come back here!
[Cut to Cody and Madison in the morning. They wake up and go downstairs looking for their parents. The award is broken on the floor.]
Cody: Look, I told you they’d come back.
[Cut to Kevin and Vanessa sleeping on the couch. They look hammered.]
[Cut to Liev Schreiber making breakfast at the kitchen]
Leiv: You kids like eggs? Good! Me too. Your parents are very cool people. Very cool. We had a good cool time. You kids can dress yourselves for school, right?
Cody and Madison: Um-hmm.
[Leiv starts making eggs and Cody and Madison go to get ready for school]
[Cut to Cody and Madison at the stairs]
Cody: I hate the Globes.
Madison: I love you big brother.
Cody: I love you too.
[The End]