Ted… Beck Bennett
Nate… Mikey Day
Tina… Kristen Stewart
Casper… Pete Davidson
Dylan… Kyle Mooney[Starts with a video clip of a commercial building] [Cut to inside the office] [Phone ringing]
Ted: Hey, Dylan? Take the lip ring out. [Cut to Dylan. He has a gothic outlook with a lip ring and ear ring on.] It’s against company policy.[Rock music playing. Music video starts.]
Nate: This one’s going out to all the corporate drones out there.
Tina: Working for the man, making other people rich.
Casper: Wait, the almighty dollar.
Dylan: You know who you are. Listen up.[Rapping]
Mom and dad said go get a job
Tina: Go work real hard go punch your clock
Nate: Climb the corporate ladder straight to the top
Casper: Be a dude someday you’ll be the boss
Dylan: But white collar life don’t work it seems
Tina: ‘Cause I ain’t no corporate worker bee
Nate: Everybody in the house who feel like me
Everybody: Get up on your feet and scream
Take this job and shove it up your —
I will never be part of this machine
you can’t hold me back
with a paycheck
this job can kiss my ass.
Ted: Hey, Tina, great work on that compete analysis.
Tina: Oh, thank you.
Ted: You should think about the management training program. We could use someone like you on the 12th floor.
Tina: Wow. I will. Thank you sir.[Cut to the music video]
Dylan: Boss man sit around on his ass all day
Tina: Doing real good work for the company
Nate: He don’t know what’s up
Tina: But he actually does though,
so let’s not be unfair to Ted, Yo!
Dylan: But the hours–
Tina: Are good!
Nate: And the pay–
Tina: Is generous!
Casper: Corporate culture straight up venomous
Tina: But our benefits–[Phone beep]
Oh, sorry. One second. I just got to make sure I RSVP for this meeting. Yep, I knew it and—[Cut to music video]
Nate: ‘Cause the people at this place–
Tina: Are my best friends!
Casper: And when it comes to the boss–
Tina: He’s my best friend!
Everybody: Take this job and shove it up your–[Cut to the office]
Ted: Tina, Nate, Casper, you got a sec?
Casper: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Nate: Uh-huh. Sure thing, Ted.[Cut to Dylan watching his colleagues go to the boss] [Cut to music video]
Dylan: I will never go down the corporate road
blah- blah- blah- blah, something blah- blah- blah
nothing, but a – nothing but a – Blah, blah, blah—
Tina: Ted asked us to if we would pitch on the digital campaign.
Nate: Yeah, it’s pretty cool, actually.
Casper: Yeah, it’s really nice that Ted is looking at ideas internally.[Cut to music video]
Dylan: You corporate drones in your suits and ties
the boss says, “Jump!” You say, “How high?”
Tina: Ted wants you to work on it too.[Cut to Dylan getting happy] [Cut to music video]
Dylan: Let’s dive right in put our heads together
Nate: Blue sky the whole thing make a good ideas better
Tina: Let’s order food
Casper: Stay here all night!
Nate: If we’re pitching to Ted
Dylan: It’s gotta be tight
if we do this right who knows where we could go
Tina: Dana is retiring
Everybody: And she’ll need to be replaced, yo!
Nate: One of us could get her job management position
Casper: Down the road we could be running this division
Dylan: Crush this presentation
Nate: No choking
Tina: Gotta foot in the door
Everybody: Now let’s kick it open[Cut to the office]
Tina: Work hard, good things will come.
Nate: That’s just how it is, people.
Ted: Dylan, lip ring!
Dylan: Sorry Mr. Abby![Dylan rips the ring off his lips. He is bleeding] [Cut to Ted]
Ted: Call me Ted.