Jeremy… Bobby Moynihan
Ms. Dodson… Margot Robbie
Fishman… Kenan Thompson
Cecily Strong[Starts with Jeremy listening to the music staring at Ms. Dodson in the library. Ms. Dodson is a librarian.] [Kyle comes in and slaps on Jeremy’s forehead.]
Kyle: Snap out of it, you Donkes.[Jeremy’s friends come to sit with him
Jeremy: Come on!
Fishman: Drooling over Ms. Dodson again?
Jeremy: Shut up, Fishman.
Mikey: I heard Ms. Dodson hooked up with a student once.
Jeremy: Oh, man! She’s so hot.
Kyle: [mocking] Oh, she’s so hot. You Donkes!
Jeremy: Come on, Nate! Don’t be an anus![Ms. Dodson slams a book on their table]
Ms. Dodson: Shh![Ms. Dodson turns around and walks back]
Alex: Ask her out, Jeremy!
Jeremy: No way.
Fishman: Ay, Ms. Dodson.
Jeremy: [whispering] Shut up!
Fishman: Jeremy thinks you’re hot.[guys giggling]
Jeremy: Fishman, what are you doing?
Ms. Dodson: Is that true, Jeremy?
Jeremy: Um, no– it– no. I’m– ugh! I mean, yeah.[Ms. Dodson walks towards their table]
Ms. Dodson: Well, Jeremy, what are you gonna do about it?[music starts playing] [Ms. Dodson takes off her glasses and opens her sweater.]
Jeremy: Oh yeah.[She pulls her skirt up.]
Fishman: Oh yeah.[She loosens her hair.]
Kyle: So beautiful.[Ms. Dodson starts pulling her hair off]
Jeremy: Oh no![Ms. Dodson is bald.]
Mikey: Oh no.[Ms. Dodson peels off a banana, throws the banana and eats the banana peel.]
Jeremy: Oh no.[Ms. Dodson swallows the whole lollipop with the stick]
Kyle: Not the stick![Ms. Dodson takes her teeth off, her real teeth are disgusting.]
Fishman: What is happening?[Ms. Dodson shows her tattoo of a student.]
Jeremy: Haley Joel Osment?[Ms. Dodson shows another tattoo]
Mikey: Haley Joel Osment now?[Cecily walks to Ms. Dodson and they start getting intimate] [Ms. Dodson breaks Cecily’s neck and smiles at boys]
Fishman: Straight up murderer?[Ms. Dodson walks to the boys and gets on the table crawling towards Jeremy. She looks scary.] [Ms. Dodson has her tongue like snake, licking Jeremy on face.] [Ms. Dodson’s saliva drops on the table and the table is burning.] [Ms. Dodson slowling ripps off her shirt and shows her breasts.] [All the boys stare at her breasts]
Boys: Oh yeah.[All boys’ heads pop bursts.]