Weekend Update- Jafar on Ron DeSantis’ Attacks on Disney

Michael Che

Jafar… Bowen Yang

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: This week, Governor Ron DeSantis wrapped up his war on Disney after they stopped his attempts to control Disney World’s district. Here to comment is the villain from the movie Aladdin, Jafar.

[Jafar slides in] [cheers and applause]

Jafar: Ha-ha-ha-ha. Hello, Michael. So this is the famous Rockefeller palace.

Michael Che: Okay, so Jafar, as a Disney character, what do you think of Ron DeSantis?

Jafar: You mean the boy? Well Michael, as far as villains go, the boy’s an amateur. He has no rizz, no spark, no drip. The look is giving baby mayor. I mean he did wear those white cowboy boots, but let’s be honest, they wore him.

Michael Che: Well, he might not look the part, but are you saying the sandals isn’t bad enough?

Jafar: Not at all. Don’t get me wrong, the boys plenty evil. I mean, banning Rosa Parks and schools. I’m a dark sorcerer and even I was like “Jesus dude, it’s Rosa Park.”

Michael Che: Yeah, now he’s coming for Disney after their stance against his “Don’t say gay” bill.

Jafar: Ha-ha-ha-ha. If the boy thinks he can somehow prevent Disney World from being gay, that carpet has flown. You know what I mean?

Michael Che: No, I really don’t.

Jafar: I mean, if you opened up Grindr on Main Street USA, your phone explodes. And everywhere else in the park, it’s nothing but 40 year old men with braces. I don’t know what that is, but it ain’t straight.

Michael Che: Or are you saying that you’re-

Jafar: A little light in the loafers? Did my John Water stash not tip you off? Of course I’m gay, you petulant fool. My waist is snatched, my eyeliner on point, my final form is a yolked Genie with goddess nails. And I might grow pony. But yeah, Michael I love cooch.

Michael Che: Yeah, I got it. Well. It seems like DeSantis doesn’t even want anything remotely gay happening at Disney World at all.

Jafar: Ugh. There’s already a gay. There’s already a Disney World where nothing gay happens. It’s called Six Flags. There are lots of them at Disney, Michael. Ursula the lesbian,Scar is bi, and Mulan just got top surgery, congrats to them. Now if I may, I’d like to address the boy, DeSantis. Well, if it isn’t the swamp rat, bravo for attempting to seize our precious land, only to be thwarted once again by the House of Mouse. You pitiful straight, you can try to stop us boy. But we ill outsmart your to every turn. “Don’t say gay?” Well, if there is no gay, there is no Disney. And everyone loves Disney, including you. Because your dumbass got married there. And that’s the gayest thing you can do. Though I’m sorry, Mr. DeSante, the gay shall stay and you stay away.

Where were we, Michael? Oh yes. Your earring. It intrigues me.

Michael Che: No, no. Jafar, everybody.

Jafar: Your wedding was at the Grand Floridian and it was gorgeous. It was a gorgeous wedding.