Disney | Season 44 Episode 6

Dad….Steve Carell

Son 1….Mikey Day

Daughter 1….Melissa Villaseñor

Son 2….Pete Davidson

Daughter 2….Aidy Bryant

[Four kids are sleeping. Dad turns on the light and wakes them up.]

Dad: Kids, kids, wake up. I have a big news.

Son 1: Dad, it’s in five o’clock in the morning.

Daughter 1: Why is dad in here?

Dad: [Cut to dad] Because it’s time for you to pack your bags. We’re going to Disney World.

Daughter 1: [Cut to two daughters] Disney world?

Daughter 2: Yes, that’s so nice, but you don’t have to cheer us up. We already know that mom’s leaving you.

Dad: [Cut to dad] She what?

Son 2: [Cut to dad and two sons] Don’t worry.

Son 1: Yeah, we’re fine with it.

Dad: What are you talking about?

Son 1: [Cut to son 1] My god, does he not know?

Daughter 2: [Cut to Daughter 2] No, no, no. He has to know.

Son 2: [Cut to dad and two sons] He’d be idiot if he didn’t know.

Daughter 1: The whole town knows. [Cut to Daughter 1] It’s in the newspaper.

Son 1: The messed-up part is dad is the one who introduced each of them to one another?

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Introduced who? What’s happening? [Cut to everybody in the room]

Son 1: No, is our dad dumb?

Son 2: Yeah.

Daughter 2: He didn’t even notice when the cat ran away, we replaced it with a dog.

Dad: You what? My cat?

Daughter 1: What is wrong with him?

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Okay, enough. Have some respect. I am your father.

Son 1: [Cut to Dad and two sons] I mean, not technically.

Dad: What does that mean?

Daughter 2: [Cut to Daughter 2] I mean, how can we know all of this and our dad has no idea.

Son 2: [Cut to Dad and two sons] You mean your dad!

Dad: [Cut to Dad] All right, how about this. Why don’t you tell me what the hell is going on here and I will still take you to Disney world.

Son 1: [Cut to Son 1]We were just at Disney world.

Dad: [Cut to Dad] You were?

Daughter 2: [Cut to Daughter 2]Yeah, for Jeremy’s birthday.

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Jeremy?

Son 2: [Cut to Jeremy] Me. Does he not know our names?

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Wait, wait, if you were at Disney, where was I?

Son 2: [Cut to Dad and two sons] We assumed you were coming but then we realized mom didn’t invite you.

Daughter 2: [Cut to two daughters] Yeah, and we were like why are we at Disney World with dad’s boss?

Son 2: Yeah, is dad as boss, [Cut to Son 2] Ron going to be with us the whole trip?

Daughter 1: [Cut to two daughters] It was pretty clear he and mom were sleeping together.

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Oh, I’m so confused, I can scream right now.

Daughter 1: [Cut to two daughters] Actually, why are we whispering?

Dad: I don’t want to [Cut to Dad] wake up your mother.

Son 1: [Cut to Dad and two sons] Dad, she’s definitely not here.

Dad: What?

Daughter 1: [Cut to two daughters] Yeah, she’s been gone or a month. She lives in Arizona with Ron and in four days, so will we.

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Oh, I’d love to go too, Arizona. I’ve never seen the ocean.

[Cut to Son 1 looking confused]

Son 1: Dad, and I mean this, what the hell is wrong with you?

Dad: [Cut to Dad and two sons] Okay, okay. Listen, [Dad walks up to Jeremy and sits beside him] I have something, I want to tell you guys. Things haven’t been going well with your mom.

Son 2: Jesus, dad.

Dad: I think she might be cheating on me.

Daughter 2: [Cut to Daughter 2] I can’t do this again.

Dad: [Cut to Dad and Jeremy] Maybe with my friend Dave.

Son 2: It’s [Cut to everybody in the room] Ron!

Dad: But I’m giving up because you kids are four miracles. You’re my miracles. [Cut to Dad and Jeremy] Especially since your mother and I have only done it twice.

Son 2: All right, dad, I think that’s enough.

Dad: Okay, you’re right. All right. [Cut to everybody in the room] I’m going to bed. I have a big day today. Gonna surprise my kids with a trip to Disney.