Deacon Mac…Chris Redd
Pervis… Kenan Thompson
Traci… Leslie Jones
Melissa Malik… Cecily Strong
Kayla Manik… Amy Schumer
[Starts with Deacon speaking]Deacon: From Huntsville, Alabama, welcome to “Gospel Brunch, with Traci and Pervis Scott.” [Cut to a choir group in a church dancing and singing] Come on, everybody.
All: [singing] Feed the body, feed the soul
ooh, feed the soul
Pervis: Come on, raise your voices.
[singing] blessed us from his handsleft it to our mouths
Traci: Stew some butter bee
and praise him all around
Pervis: For on this day,
we take our daily bread
Pervis and Traci: We give him thanks
to keep us all well,
sing it.
All: She’s a body, feed the soul
ooh, feed the soul
Pervis: Amen.
Traci: Amen.
Pervis: Amen.
Traci: Amen.
Pervis: Amen. Alright. Praise him. Well, welcome to “Gospel Brunch” everybody. Say hello to Deacon Mac.
Deacon: Am, thank you. Blessed to be here. Blessed and hungry.
Pervis: Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful.
[Pervis and Traci walk to the kitchen set]Traci: Blesses. I’m Traci. That’s Pervis. And each week we show you how to make southern cooking with spirit.
Pervis: From fried chicken to fried okra. Alright, Deacon Mac, how’s your twin brother doing?
Deacon: Oh, not too good. He just had sex tuple bypass.
Traci: Sex tuple?
Deacon: Uh-huh. That’s six of em’. Yup. By the time they unclogged four chambers of his heart, two more got clogged right on the operation table. But he better do praise god. Amen.
Pervis: Praise Jesus. Praise Jesus. Alright. Alright.
Traci: Um-um-um. Seems like there’s a new case of heart disease or diabetes every week around here.
Pervis: Well, I don’t know where it could be coming from. Well, today we’re going to be making our honey butter fried pork casserole. [They show the dish. It doesn’t look good.] And Traci’s famous four-cheese mac and cheese with bacon and potato chips.
Traci: Um, delicious! Now, let’s get to cooking. And to help us is a chef all the way from Phoenix, Ariozona.
Pervis: That’s right. She’s taken southern cooking and added an asian twist, here’s Melissa Malik.
[Melissa walks in. She is wearing chef’s dress. She brings in some food with her.] [cheers and applause]Pervis: Alright.
Melissa: Hello, Traci, Pervis. This is so fun.
Traci: Now, Melissa, you got something special for us.
Melissa: Um, yes, I do. Today, I’ll be making Teriyaki chicken wings.
Pervis: Oh, praise. Jesus, that sounds delicious. Let’s praise him together.
Traci: Let’s praise him.
[Pervis and Traci try to hold Melissa’s hand to praise god.]Melissa: Guys, you know what? I would but I’m an atheist.
[Pervis and Traci looks shocked]Pervis: Oh. Melissa Malik, everybody. Ha-ha. [Traci packs everything that belongs to Melissa] Time for you to go, Melissa. Bye, bye.
[Deacon walks in with a broom and pushes Melissa with it.]Traci: [singing] You can’t come up in the lord’s house and say that it don’t live.
Pervis: Hah! Alright. Now, she was really nice.
Traci: Yes, she was. Too bad she couldn’t stay.
Pervis: I hear that.
Traci: Our next guest is a chef from Marietta, Georgia, who just put out her own cookbook called “Eating healthy the southern way.” Here’s Kayla Manik.
Pervis: Come on, Kayla.
[Kayla is walking in dancing.]Traci: Praise him. Praise him. Praise him.
Pervis: What you doing over there? What was that? What was that? Girl, you got so much energy.
Kayla: Oh, yeah. That’s right. You know I do. Now tell me, who’s ready to get healthy?
Traci: I am.
Pervis: I don’t know how are we going to do that.
Kayla: Well, you can eat healthy by just making a small few changes to your diet. Okay, like, I know we all love biscuits in gravy, right? I’m not speaking out of school here. But you can’t have all that meat. All right? Well, here’s my own recipe for vegetarian biscuits and gravy. Okay, here it is looking very good.
Pervis: It looks nice.
Kayla: Thank you. Now, this is 100% no meat except for a little bit of chicken and a lot of sauce.
Pervis: Well, you need that for the flavor.
Traci: It has to taste good.
Pervis: You got to have that for the flavor. That’s for the flavor.
Kayla: That’s right. Well, you got to make it edible before we’re gonna eat it. Right? Praise him.
Choir group: [singing] Praise him.
Kayla: Oh, great. Okay. Next, a great way to eat healthy is to make a smoothie. Right? If it’s through a straw, it’s healthy. And that is a fact.
Pervis: That’s right. That is fact. That’s right.
Kayla: Okay. So, this is a healthy smoothie I made myself with my own hands on my own time. Okay? And it tastes just like pecan pie.
Traci: What? You serious?
Kayla: Any pecan fans?
[Pervis raises his hand]Pervis: Right here.
Kayla: I’m thinking of you, Pervis.
Traci: You can’t be serious.
Kayla: Yes, I am. I promise y’all. You just blend up some ice, some low fat milk. Okay, the banana, cinnamon– And you know what? Just a little a whole pecan pie.
Pervis: Oh, that’s how it’s gonna taste like pecan pie.
Traci: That’s how it’s gonna taste.
Pervis: Yeah, you just blend all that up. That’s nice. Oh, be careful though.
Kayla: Here you go. Here you go.
Pervis: That’s wonderful. Alright, well, praise him!
Traci: Praise the lord.
Kayla: The lord doesn’t always work, and that’s fine.
Pervis: That’s alright.
Traci: That’s– well, I know that.
Kayla: You’ll have to trust me. This is delicious.
Pervis: I believe you. This is sort of a miracle.
Traci: It’s a show miracle. Now, you got more healthy tips for us.
Kayla: You know I do.
Traci: But before we get into that, we gonna take a moment to acknowledge the friends who passed from heart disease, diabetes and sugar foot.
Pervis: It is such a shame I don’t know why this keeps happening. Must be something in the water. Well, this song is for you.
Pervis and Traci: [singing] Ummm…
butter, salt, pepper and mayonnaise
stuff it in cheese
put it all in a turkey for Jesus
a turkey for Jesus
living in peace
Pervis: Oh, man. Thank you so much, Traci. Why don’t we go to commercial. When we come back, we’ll get to cooking. Come on, y’all.
Traci: Ay!
All: [singing] Feed the body, feed the soul
ooh, feed the soul
Pervis: When we come back, we gonna show y’all how to add a little flavor to your salad with salt and just a little bit of–
[The End]