Father… James Austin Johnson
Chloe Fineman
Andrew Dismukes
Claire… Jenna Ortega
Mrs. Shaw…Ego Nwodim
Frank… Kenan Thompson
Chloe: Father, can you save her? Can you save my daughter?
Father: I need Father Murphy? I can’t perform an exorcism alone.
[Claire is possessed]
Claire: You will rot in hell.
Andrew: Honey, hear my voice. I know you’re still in there, Claire.
[door knocking]
Chloe: Did someone just knock on our door?
Mrs. Shaw: Oh, hello. It’s the middle of the night. What is all the ruckus?
Chloe: Oh Father, this is our upstairs neighbor Mrs. Shaw.
Mrs. Shaw: Yeah, and I should have been asleep 45 minutes ago. But I guess you all decided to throw a party on a Tuesday.
Father: This isn’t a party, Mrs. Shaw.
Andrew: It’s our daughter. She’s been possessed.
Chloe: We’re waiting for Father Murphy.
Mrs. Shaw: Oh, don’t no one have to wait for him. I’ll do it.
Chloe: Do what?
Mrs. Shaw: The exorcism, I’m getting my sleep tonight.
[Claire is screaming]
[Mrs. Shaw also screams in the same way]
Mrs. Shaw: See, I can do it too, okay? You don’t scare me sweetie.
Father; You should be careful. You’re in over your head.
Mrs. Shaw: In over my head? You know I have been a crossing guard at Nasaau and Edge Mont for 40 years. That’s six lanes. Every day, I’m the only thing stopping 300 mean fifth graders from getting sent straight to hell by UPS truck. Now where the cross at? Give it here. Give it here.
[Father gives the cross to Mrs. Shaw.]
Okay hello. [Claire screaming] Okay, you need to get out. [Claire screaming] Uh-uh, use your words.
Claire: Suck my butt.
Mrs. Shaw: No ma’am, I don’t do all that. I tossed salad once, and I was like, “Um-um, this ain’t for me.”
Chloe: Maybe we should just wait for the priest, Mrs. Shaw.
Mrs. Shaw: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I need to get my eight hours. [Claire starts levitating] Oh-oh, where is she going?
Claire: You’re going to hell, you stupid whore.
Mrs. Shaw: Stupid what now? Oh honey, you’re gonna have to do much better than that. Yesterday a third grader called me “A used up skank.” What else you got? Come on.
Claire: You’re an ugly- um.. umm…
Mrs. Shaw: Umm… Umm… what? Look at your stuttering. Now sit down baby before I turn on the ceiling fan. [Claire falls down] That’s what thought.
Andrew: My god, is it working?
Mrs. Shaw: Yeah, it is. That is exactly what I thought.
Claire: Let me out.
Father: She’s expelling the demon. Quick. We’ll need a new vessel.
Mrs. Shaw: Oh okay good, I got you. I got you a vessel, all right. [walks to the window and screams upstairs] Frank! Get down here, Frank!
Frank: Woman, what do you want? I’m trying to sleep.
Mrs. Shaw: Oh, you kind of asleep, but you’re talking. [Claire starts levitating again] A little girl. your ass better not be levitating back there. [Claire falls down again]
Claire: Sorry, Mrs. Shaw.
Mrs. Shaw: Thank you baby.
Frank: Waking my ass up at 9pm in the middle of the night.
Mrs. Shaw: We doing an exorcism, Frank.
Frank: Yeah, well I shoulda been asleep 47 minutes ago.
Mrs. Shaw: Yeah, we know, baby. Now you gotta be a vessel for this demon.
Frank: Well, I want to do that.
Mrs. Shaw: Frank, if you don’t do it I’m a counselor sex date next week.
Frank: Oh, okay. Found my weak spot. Let me get situated first. All right. Come on now, demon. Do you worst. [Frank gets posses for a second, then continues reading the magazine.]
Claire: Oh my god. Mom, dad, what just happened? Why are the Shaws in our house? Shouldn’t they be asleep?
Chloe: Oh, my God. Mrs. Shaw, we can’t thank you enough.
Mrs. Shaw: Yeah, it’s all good. Y’all sleep tight now. Come on, Frank. Frank.
[Frank’s head is spinning around]
Frank: Ah! I don’t like this.