Professor… Kyle Mooney
Janet Yellen… Kate McKinnon
Eminem… Pete Davidson
Dr. Dre… Chris Redd
Janitor… Jack Harlow[Starts with college professor and Janet Yellen speaking to a class]
PROFESSOR: Wow, Secretary Yellen, it was an honor to have you with us today
JANET YELLEN: Well, Professor, it was my pleasure to speak to aspiring economists.
PROFESSOR: Do we have time for one more question?
JANET YELLEN: Hey, I don’t have anywhere to be
PROFESSOR: All right, anyone have a question? Come on guys, the U.S. Treasury Secretary is right next to us. Uh, yes, you, young man?[Musical intro. It’s the music from the song “Without Me” by Eminem.] SLIM SHADY: Two Silicon boys were talkin’ outside
JANET YELLEN: Okay, so what is your question?
SLIM SHADY: Two Silicon boys were talkin’ outside
JANET YELLEN: Yeah, I heard you the first time.
SLIM SHADY: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Now what the hell’s an NFT?
Everyone’s makin’ so much money
Now please explain what’s an NFT
I said what the hell’s an NFT?
It’s like real-life Monopoly
Everyone is doin’ it like Gronkowski
Can you please help me make an NFT?
PROFESSOR: Son, I didn’t understand a word you just said.
SLIM SHADY: Thanks!
PROFESSOR: That is not a compliment
SLIM SHADY: Hah! I disagree.
JANET YELLEN: I actually see what you’re saying, young man. Um, we are aware of NFTs, and there are currently—[There’s Dr. Dre from the movie “Matrix” sitting in the class.]
- DRE:Excuse me. I can break it down for you
PROFESSOR: Excuse me, are you Morpheus from the Matrix film series?
- DRE: No, but I do have pills if you need some. The thing about NFTs is
GIFs of Ron Funches eating Lunchables
Or pics of Colin Jost’s face, very punchable
Digital images of Digimon doin’ scrimmages
Or a pic of a nun with a Nintendo Switch
Dictionary with a pic of Fat Jerry
I made it last night and now I got $3,000
And now I can buy me a GIF of Peter Griff-In
crossin’ up all-star ballers, who are taller
Look at these if you please
Supreme Court Justice Chuck E. Cheese
Bam Margera in a Mini Coop with Master Splinter
Amy Klobuchar and Adam Driver having dinner
SLIM SHADY: Hey, here’s a Thanos that twerks
For 24 million, it could be yours
And the prices go up and down, you see
So that explains an NFT
JANET YELLEN: Okay, well, that was just a list of complete nonsense, but you’re not totally wrong. Can anyone here expound on that a bit more eloquently? Anyone? What about you, man with the mop?
JANITOR: Who, me? Well, I wasn’t really paying attention, but if I had to explain NFTs, I’d probably say this:
Hey, here’s the thing about NFTs
It’s a non-fungible token, you see
“Non-fungible” means that it’s unique
There can only be one, like you and me
NFTs are insane
Built on a blockchain
A digital ledger of transactions
It records information on what’s happenin’
When it’s minted, you can sell it as art
And this concludes my rappin’ part
JANET YELLEN: Wow, that’s pretty much what I would’ve said, so thank you.
JANITOR: You’re welcome
JANET YELLEN: I don’t know if this is too forward, but I actually have tickets for UFC 260 if you guys wanna come.
SLIM SHADY, DR. DRE, JANITOR: Aw hell yeah. No doubt.
JANET YELLEN: Great
SLIM SHADY: Na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na