Michael Buffer… Taran Killam
Floyd Mayweather… Jay Pharoah
Manny Pacquiao… Aidy Bryant
Referee… Kenan Thompson
Justin Bieber… Kate McKinnon[Starts with a message video]
Male voice: Good evening. As many of you know, tonight’s episode of Saturday Night Live will air concurrently with the Floyd Mayweather/ Manny Pacquio boxing match, an event many are calling: “The Fight of the Century”, “Historic, Once in a Lifetime Television” and “The Moon Landing of Sports”. In fact, right now, many of you are frantically calling your cable company to order it on Pay-Per-View, for the very reasonable cost of “one month’s food.”
Here at NBC, we did everything we possibly could to keep boxing fans glued to our network. At noon, we showed a hockey game. At 4 pm, it was the Kentucky Derby. Then at 7:30, we showed night golf. Not even regular golf- we showed golf played at night. Without a doubt, it was the whitest day in the history of professional sports.
Luckily, one of the guys in our crew knows a guy, who has a friend, who was able to steal the Pay-Per-View signal.
So, at this point, we’re just going to air the Mayweather/Pacquiao fight in it’s entirety. Without further delay, we join the action ringside.[Cut to Michael Buffer]
Michael Buffer: Ladies and gentlemen. [cheers and applause] Let’s get ready to rumble. In one corner with an undefeated record of 47 and 0 with 27 knockouts, [Cut to Floyd Mayweather in the boxing ring] the reigning walter-weight champion of the world and also the 9th place finisher in 2007’s Dancing With the Stars, Floyd Money Mayweather.[Cut to Michael Buffer]
And in the other corner with the record of 57 wins with 38 knockouts, the pride of Philippines, [Cut to Manny Pacquiao in the boxing ring] Manny Pacman Pacquiao.
Male voice: Warning: Because this is a pirated broadcast of the fight, some of the visuals may appear distored. For example, Floyd Mayweather may appear slightly taller, while Manny Pacquiao may appear to be a white woman with a fake goatee and a t-shirt.[Cut to Referee]
Referee: The both opponents, touch gloves.[Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao comes in and touch gloves]
Okay, you know the rules. No holding, no hitting below the belt. Also, you both pretty old. They calling this the ‘Fight of the Century’ but only because your combined ages are 100. Don’t push too hard, understood?
Floyd Mayweather: Yeah.
Manny Pacquiao: Si senor.
Referee: [whispering to Manny Pacquiao] Um, yeah, he doesn’t speak Spanish. He’s from the Philippines.
Manny Pacquiao: Yeah, okay.
Referee: Okay, that’s worse. Also, there are ton of celebrities here tonight. So, if you knock down your opponent, go to your neutral corner and have a casual drink with Mark Wahlberg and P. Diddy. If you’re the one who gets knocked down, I will count to 10 very slowly. Try to drag this fight out. I may repeat the number six several times. I might also make up the number normth. During that time, Justin Biebe will be allowed in the ring and he will do a very condescending in your direction. Are you ready Justin?[Cut to Justin Bieber]
Justin Bieber: Yeah.[cheers and applause]
I was born ready, y’all! I was also born premature.[Cut to Floyd Mayweather, Referee and Manny Pacquiao in the ring]
Referee: Alright, you heard the man. Now, when you hear the bell, let’s have a fight.[bell ringing] [Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao are acting like they’re boxing.]
Male voice: We apologize to viewers who are shocked by the violent intensity of tonight’s fight. This is what happens when you air raw footage from a real boxing match. It’s brutal to watch, but there’s also a strange beauty to it. Two graceful warriors locked together until the bitter…[Floyd Mayweather and Referee look at the time and leave the ring]
Okay, at this point, two of our actors Kenan Thompson and Jay Pharoah, have left the sketch to watch the actual fight in Wiz Khalifa’s dressing room.[Manny Pacquiao is dancing alone in the ring]
So let’s just say Manny Pacquiao won. There’s no reason to change the channel.
Manny Pacquiao: And live from New York, it’s Saturday night!