Aidy Bryant
Beck Bennett
Kate McKinnon
Kenan Thompson
Sheila … Nasim Pedrad
Melissa Villaseñor
Alex Moffat
[Starts with Netflix video bumper. It’s a documentary about hippy cult.]
[Cut to people walking in groups everyone wearing red.]
Aidy: It was the most fulfilling time of my life.
Beck: We created an entire community based on compassion and sharing.
Kate: Rajneesh’s agenda was simply to raise consciousness. That was his goal.
Female voice: It was beautiful.
Male: It was about love.
Kenan: Me? I do it for the ass.
Sheila: The people of Oregon was so blinded by their bigotry that they couldn’t even witness the miracle that was happening right in front of them.
Kenan: I mean, there was ass everywhere. Damn!
Melissa: I don’t know where they came from, but I wish they’d go back.
Alex: We weren’t just gonna sit back and let some cult move in and take over our town. I mean, this was our home.
Kenan: They would do these meditations. Everybody get butt naked and just wiggling their flappy parts. I put on my old adidas track suit and blended in with them hippies. And before I knew it, I was knee deep in happy ass. Ain’t no hip!
Beck: When I saw Rajneesh in person, I was so overcome with joy and emotion. I cried like a baby.
Kenan: I see this long caravan of cadillacs roll up and I’m thinking, “Hmm, that must be the OJ or somebody.” Then this brother steps out dressed in all red and everybody following him were dressed in all red too. And I said to myself, “Oh, lord. Here come the bloods.”
Alex: He was a conman. He had those people brainwashed.
Melissa: I don’t like that guy.
Aidy: He was incredible. He spoke with this, unbelievable power. So much grace.
Kenan: Man, I ain’t understand a damn word he was saying. I just know 10,000 horny white women showed up the town wearing no bras overnight. So, I told my old lady, “Look, baby, I think we’re growing apart.”
Aidy: The town was a bunch of trash hicks.
Pete: They all have this weird dead look in their eyes. I don’t know if it’s drugs or satanic.
Beck: There were no drugs in the community.
Kenan: I’d do a little bump before I left the house. And then another one just outside the house. And then one more before going back in the house. But that was it. Whoow!
Sheila: Free love was certainly part of it. It was essential to our spiritual journey.
Sheila when she was young: Okay, who want’s to [bleep] Sheila?
[Kenan raises his hand]
Kenan: Man, Sheila was a freak. She made me harder than trigonometry.
Alex: We’d hear them at night loudly having sex like animals.
Kenan: Oh, it was wonderful. You could smell the sex funk from miles. It was thick. Smell like a karate class for monkeys.
Aidy: And it all changed.
Kate: A bomb went off.
Aidy: They bombed out hotel and it was a deliberate attack.
Sheila: If I didn’t take measures to protect our community, no one else would do it.
[Now, all the women have guns]
Sheila when she was young: They want to play rough? Okay. Would you kill for Bagwan?
Kenan when he was young: Who’s bagwan?
Kenan: All of a sudden, everybody was walking around with pistols. I said, “I knew y’all was the bloods. Don’t you get me caught up in this mess.” You see, I’m from Compton. I left because of the crime situation. I committed bunch of crimes and it became a situation.
Beck: It’s a shame that western would couldn’t accept us.
Kate: We were free.
Sheila: We were a religion.
Kenan: We was the bloods.
Male voice: Sheila, whatever your plans are, we don’t want the Rajneeshs. We don’t want the orange people in our town.
Sheila when she was young: What can I say? Tough [bleep]
Kenan: You one crazy ass Puerto Rican lady.