Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 13














09m: Jon Hamm / Michael Buble

Closet Organizer

Housewife.....Kristen Wiig
Closet Organizer.....Will Forte
Testimonial.....Jon Hamm

[ open on black-and-white footage of a hall closet ]

[ SUPER: "DRAMATIZATION" ]

Announcer: Has this happened to you?!

[ Housewife walks up to closet, opens the doors, the contents spill to the floor ]

Announcer: Is your closet an absolute mess?! Are you way too STPUID to keep your closet clean?!

Housewife: [ offended ] Hey!

Announcer: Introducing the ZipCo Closet Organizer!

[ the closet opens to reveal itself as clutter-free, but with a man dressed in blue spandex. As objects are thrown at him, he swats them in different corners of the closet. ]

Announcer: Great for SHOES! SWEATERS! BELTS! HATS! PARKAS! JEANS! UNDERWEAR!

[ the Closet Organizer pockets the panties ]

Announcer: SOCKS! SCARVES! DOCKERS! WATER!

[ water is splashed on the Closet Organizer ]

Announcer: BLANKETS! LAMPS! TROPHIES! MARBLES PHONE BOOKS! ADDITIONAL WATER!

[ more water is splashed on the Closet Organizer ]

Announcer: LOOSE PEANUT BUTTER! PIE! PIE!! PIE!!! PIE!!!

Listen to this testimonial!

[ cut to Man giving testimonial ]

Man: I got so laid last night! I was at this club, and I went up to this really hot Black girl, and I was, like, "Hey -- anybody ever tell you you look exactly like Beyonce?" And then I went in for the liss, and I noticed she had, like, a full man's mosutache? And I was, like... "Let's do this thing."

[ cut back to the Closet Organizer ]

Announcer: It's so simple to use! All it needs is two meals a day and a little bucket to do his business in!

[ more objects are thrown at the Closet Organizer, as he swats them in different corners of the closet. ]

Announcer: PILLOWS! TIRES! IMPORTANT PAPERS! GLASSWARE! ANIMAL FEATHERS! DIRT! AND CHEESE!

[ cut to Housewife ]

Housewife: A clean closet is just a phone call away!

[ cut to product card ]

Announcer: The ZipCo Closet Organizer! Available at Bergor Goodman and the gift shop at the Vatican! Order one today!

[ fade ]


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