Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 5: Episode 3

This free script provided by

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

November 3rd, 1979

Bill Russell



Ed Herlihy

Tom Davis

Jim Downey

Tom Gammill

Max Pross

Peter Aykroyd

Al Franken

Mitchell Laurance

Paul Shaffer

Tom Schiller

Yvonne Hudson

Howard Shore

Harry Shearer

Howard Johnson

Kennedy In '80
Summary: Ted Kennedy (Bill Murray) is running late for his presidential announcement because he panicked on the drive over and jumped out of the family car to swim across Boston Harbor.

Recurring Characters: Ted Kennedy, Rose Kennedy.


Note: Don Pardo introduces SNL's newest performer by saying, "And a little of Harry Shearer."

Bill Russell's Monologue
Summary: Non-comedian Bill Russell promise this will be the funniest comedy show he's ever hosted.


Summary: Ed Herlihy pitches the electronic device that records your grief for use at funerals so you can tend to more personal matters.


The Black Shadow
Summary: The basketball team at John Davidson High School is determined to help Coach Lewis (Bill Russell) fight his inner demons and go all the way to the State championship.


The Landers Files
Summary: Ann Landers (Jane Curtin) answers a letter from a widow (Gilda Radner) with a series of calamities following her husband's death.

Recurring Characters: Ann Landers.

Chicago performs "I'm a Man"

Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Bill Murray
Summary: Laraine Newman reports from the scene of a Korean Surprise dinner party. Bill Murray sings "Happy Birthday" to Thomas Edison's light bulb.

Nick Borealis
Summary: Nick Borealis (Bill Murray) entertains the Black troops stationed in Greenland, with a little help from the Swankettes (Laraine Newman, Jane Curtin, Gilda Radner).

Recurring Characters: Nick the Lounge Singer, Shelley.

The Continuing Correspondence of Eleanor Roosevelt
Summary: Elenour Roosevelt (Jane Curtin) mistakes letters from creditors for steamy lesbian love letters.

Recurring Characters: Eleanor Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt.

The Mr. Bill Show
Summary: In a film by Walter Williams, "Mr. Bill Stays Home" yet calamity still befalls him.


Sports Hotline
Summary: Bill Russell is vexed that radio host Eddie McVey's (Bill Murray) listeners are unfamilar with basketball and are more interested in obscure sports he's never heard of.


People Losing Money For People
Recurring Characters: Joe Garagiola.


Chicago performs "Street Player"

Barry White's Big & Tall That's All
Recurring Characters: Jenny Rocker, Ron.



SNL Transcripts