Category: 1988

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 14

88n: Glenn Close / Gipsy Kings

Glenn Close’s Monologue

…..Glenn Close
…..William Hurt

Glenn Close: Thank you, thank you! Wow! Oh, boy.. Well, this is really exciting for me! I’m really excited, I’m really happy to be here, working with these incredible people! But.. this part – the monologue – is something I’ve really been dreading.. um.. I’ve been dreading all week, you see, because, I always think of my Mom, and my `Mom always said, “Just don’t talk about yourself, it’s rude to talk about yourself, especially in public.” So, you know, I’ve never felt comfortable doing it – I don’t feel comfortable now. In fact, I think I’ve already told you too much about myself! [ laughs ] But since, you know, at this point in the show, I know that you expect to kind of get to know me a little bit more.. I’ve asked one of my closest friends, who knows me really well, to come out and talk about me for me. So, ladies and gentlemen, I’m thrilled to introduce one of the finest actors in film and theater today, my dear friend, William Hurt.

[ audience goes wild upon Hurt’s entrance ]

William Hurt: Thank you. Um.. there isn’t much time, and a lot to cover, so let’s get started. I’ve known Glenn for more a decade. She is one of my closest friends, and probably the person I most admire. Complicated, yes; demanding, true; difficult, at times; temperamental, oh yes! Hard to take over a long period of time? Not to me. Wether she’s right for the part or not, Glenn always gets the job done. She proves the truth of the saying: “Acting is 10% talent, and 90% plain old hard work.” And no one outworks Glenn Close. The first to arrive in the morning, the last to go home at night – always reliable, always punctual, always prepared.

Now, this is something that Glenn would never tell you herself, but, in her fifteen years as an actress, she has never missed a single day of work due to illness. In the theater and motion pictures, Glenn has successfully tackled a wide range of serious, dramatic, non-comedic roles. And made each in her Yeoman-like manner, uniquely her own. Obviously, I’m a friend of Glenn’s, so I’m prejudiced – but I would place her in the top 4 or 5 actresses working in film and stage in American. In her age group. In non-comedic dramatic roles. And, of those 4 or 5, easily the hardest working. Glenn Close is not just America’s hardest-working actres, she’s also my friend.

Glenn Close: Thanks, Bill. Bill, can I introduce you when you host this show?

William Hurt: Oh, Glenny, I would never host this show!

Glenn Close: Well, stick around. We have the Gipsy Kings, and I’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 14

88n: Glenn Close / Gipsy Kings

Glenn Close’s Monologue

…..Glenn Close
…..William Hurt

Glenn Close: Thank you, thank you! Wow! Oh, boy.. Well, this is really exciting for me! I’m really excited, I’m really happy to be here, working with these incredible people! But.. this part – the monologue – is something I’ve really been dreading.. um.. I’ve been dreading all week, you see, because, I always think of my Mom, and my `Mom always said, “Just don’t talk about yourself, it’s rude to talk about yourself, especially in public.” So, you know, I’ve never felt comfortable doing it – I don’t feel comfortable now. In fact, I think I’ve already told you too much about myself! [ laughs ] But since, you know, at this point in the show, I know that you expect to kind of get to know me a little bit more.. I’ve asked one of my closest friends, who knows me really well, to come out and talk about me for me. So, ladies and gentlemen, I’m thrilled to introduce one of the finest actors in film and theater today, my dear friend, William Hurt.

[ audience goes wild upon Hurt’s entrance ]

William Hurt: Thank you. Um.. there isn’t much time, and a lot to cover, so let’s get started. I’ve known Glenn for more a decade. She is one of my closest friends, and probably the person I most admire. Complicated, yes; demanding, true; difficult, at times; temperamental, oh yes! Hard to take over a long period of time? Not to me. Wether she’s right for the part or not, Glenn always gets the job done. She proves the truth of the saying: “Acting is 10% talent, and 90% plain old hard work.” And no one outworks Glenn Close. The first to arrive in the morning, the last to go home at night – always reliable, always punctual, always prepared.

Now, this is something that Glenn would never tell you herself, but, in her fifteen years as an actress, she has never missed a single day of work due to illness. In the theater and motion pictures, Glenn has successfully tackled a wide range of serious, dramatic, non-comedic roles. And made each in her Yeoman-like manner, uniquely her own. Obviously, I’m a friend of Glenn’s, so I’m prejudiced – but I would place her in the top 4 or 5 actresses working in film and stage in American. In her age group. In non-comedic dramatic roles. And, of those 4 or 5, easily the hardest working. Glenn Close is not just America’s hardest-working actres, she’s also my friend.

Glenn Close: Thanks, Bill. Bill, can I introduce you when you host this show?

William Hurt: Oh, Glenny, I would never host this show!

Glenn Close: Well, stick around. We have the Gipsy Kings, and I’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 14

88n: Glenn Close / Gipsy Kings

Glenn Close’s Monologue

…..Glenn Close
…..William Hurt

Glenn Close: Thank you, thank you! Wow! Oh, boy.. Well, this is really exciting for me! I’m really excited, I’m really happy to be here, working with these incredible people! But.. this part – the monologue – is something I’ve really been dreading.. um.. I’ve been dreading all week, you see, because, I always think of my Mom, and my `Mom always said, “Just don’t talk about yourself, it’s rude to talk about yourself, especially in public.” So, you know, I’ve never felt comfortable doing it – I don’t feel comfortable now. In fact, I think I’ve already told you too much about myself! [ laughs ] But since, you know, at this point in the show, I know that you expect to kind of get to know me a little bit more.. I’ve asked one of my closest friends, who knows me really well, to come out and talk about me for me. So, ladies and gentlemen, I’m thrilled to introduce one of the finest actors in film and theater today, my dear friend, William Hurt.

[ audience goes wild upon Hurt’s entrance ]

William Hurt: Thank you. Um.. there isn’t much time, and a lot to cover, so let’s get started. I’ve known Glenn for more a decade. She is one of my closest friends, and probably the person I most admire. Complicated, yes; demanding, true; difficult, at times; temperamental, oh yes! Hard to take over a long period of time? Not to me. Wether she’s right for the part or not, Glenn always gets the job done. She proves the truth of the saying: “Acting is 10% talent, and 90% plain old hard work.” And no one outworks Glenn Close. The first to arrive in the morning, the last to go home at night – always reliable, always punctual, always prepared.

Now, this is something that Glenn would never tell you herself, but, in her fifteen years as an actress, she has never missed a single day of work due to illness. In the theater and motion pictures, Glenn has successfully tackled a wide range of serious, dramatic, non-comedic roles. And made each in her Yeoman-like manner, uniquely her own. Obviously, I’m a friend of Glenn’s, so I’m prejudiced – but I would place her in the top 4 or 5 actresses working in film and stage in American. In her age group. In non-comedic dramatic roles. And, of those 4 or 5, easily the hardest working. Glenn Close is not just America’s hardest-working actres, she’s also my friend.

Glenn Close: Thanks, Bill. Bill, can I introduce you when you host this show?

William Hurt: Oh, Glenny, I would never host this show!

Glenn Close: Well, stick around. We have the Gipsy Kings, and I’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 14

88n: Glenn Close / Gipsy Kings

Glenn Close’s Monologue

…..Glenn Close
…..William Hurt

Glenn Close: Thank you, thank you! Wow! Oh, boy.. Well, this is really exciting for me! I’m really excited, I’m really happy to be here, working with these incredible people! But.. this part – the monologue – is something I’ve really been dreading.. um.. I’ve been dreading all week, you see, because, I always think of my Mom, and my `Mom always said, “Just don’t talk about yourself, it’s rude to talk about yourself, especially in public.” So, you know, I’ve never felt comfortable doing it – I don’t feel comfortable now. In fact, I think I’ve already told you too much about myself! [ laughs ] But since, you know, at this point in the show, I know that you expect to kind of get to know me a little bit more.. I’ve asked one of my closest friends, who knows me really well, to come out and talk about me for me. So, ladies and gentlemen, I’m thrilled to introduce one of the finest actors in film and theater today, my dear friend, William Hurt.

[ audience goes wild upon Hurt’s entrance ]

William Hurt: Thank you. Um.. there isn’t much time, and a lot to cover, so let’s get started. I’ve known Glenn for more a decade. She is one of my closest friends, and probably the person I most admire. Complicated, yes; demanding, true; difficult, at times; temperamental, oh yes! Hard to take over a long period of time? Not to me. Wether she’s right for the part or not, Glenn always gets the job done. She proves the truth of the saying: “Acting is 10% talent, and 90% plain old hard work.” And no one outworks Glenn Close. The first to arrive in the morning, the last to go home at night – always reliable, always punctual, always prepared.

Now, this is something that Glenn would never tell you herself, but, in her fifteen years as an actress, she has never missed a single day of work due to illness. In the theater and motion pictures, Glenn has successfully tackled a wide range of serious, dramatic, non-comedic roles. And made each in her Yeoman-like manner, uniquely her own. Obviously, I’m a friend of Glenn’s, so I’m prejudiced – but I would place her in the top 4 or 5 actresses working in film and stage in American. In her age group. In non-comedic dramatic roles. And, of those 4 or 5, easily the hardest working. Glenn Close is not just America’s hardest-working actres, she’s also my friend.

Glenn Close: Thanks, Bill. Bill, can I introduce you when you host this show?

William Hurt: Oh, Glenny, I would never host this show!

Glenn Close: Well, stick around. We have the Gipsy Kings, and I’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 14

88n: Glenn Close / Gipsy Kings

Glenn Close’s Monologue

…..Glenn Close
…..William Hurt

Glenn Close: Thank you, thank you! Wow! Oh, boy.. Well, this is really exciting for me! I’m really excited, I’m really happy to be here, working with these incredible people! But.. this part – the monologue – is something I’ve really been dreading.. um.. I’ve been dreading all week, you see, because, I always think of my Mom, and my `Mom always said, “Just don’t talk about yourself, it’s rude to talk about yourself, especially in public.” So, you know, I’ve never felt comfortable doing it – I don’t feel comfortable now. In fact, I think I’ve already told you too much about myself! [ laughs ] But since, you know, at this point in the show, I know that you expect to kind of get to know me a little bit more.. I’ve asked one of my closest friends, who knows me really well, to come out and talk about me for me. So, ladies and gentlemen, I’m thrilled to introduce one of the finest actors in film and theater today, my dear friend, William Hurt.

[ audience goes wild upon Hurt’s entrance ]

William Hurt: Thank you. Um.. there isn’t much time, and a lot to cover, so let’s get started. I’ve known Glenn for more a decade. She is one of my closest friends, and probably the person I most admire. Complicated, yes; demanding, true; difficult, at times; temperamental, oh yes! Hard to take over a long period of time? Not to me. Wether she’s right for the part or not, Glenn always gets the job done. She proves the truth of the saying: “Acting is 10% talent, and 90% plain old hard work.” And no one outworks Glenn Close. The first to arrive in the morning, the last to go home at night – always reliable, always punctual, always prepared.

Now, this is something that Glenn would never tell you herself, but, in her fifteen years as an actress, she has never missed a single day of work due to illness. In the theater and motion pictures, Glenn has successfully tackled a wide range of serious, dramatic, non-comedic roles. And made each in her Yeoman-like manner, uniquely her own. Obviously, I’m a friend of Glenn’s, so I’m prejudiced – but I would place her in the top 4 or 5 actresses working in film and stage in American. In her age group. In non-comedic dramatic roles. And, of those 4 or 5, easily the hardest working. Glenn Close is not just America’s hardest-working actres, she’s also my friend.

Glenn Close: Thanks, Bill. Bill, can I introduce you when you host this show?

William Hurt: Oh, Glenny, I would never host this show!

Glenn Close: Well, stick around. We have the Gipsy Kings, and I’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 15


]]>

Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:


March 25th, 1989

Mary Tyler Moore

Elvis Costello

None

Jeff Renaudo

Tom Davis

Andy Murphy

Marc Shaiman
The 61st Annual Academy Awards

Montage

Mary Tyler Moore’s MonologueBio: Mary Tyler Moore (1936-). Actress; co-starred on TV series “The Dick Van Dyke Show”, 1961-66; later starred on TV series “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”, 1970-77; films include: “Ordinary People” (1980).

Transcript

The Dan Quayle ShowRecurring Characters: Dan Quayle, Marilyn Quayle.

Customs OfficerTranscript

Elvis Costello performs “Veronica”First Performed: 77h.

Weekend Update with Dennis Miller

Sweeney SistersRecurring Characters: Candy Sweeney, Liz Sweeney.

Transcript

Robot RepairTranscript

Lady RhemingtonTranscript

Elvis Costello performs “Let Him Dangle”

Broadway Story

Wayne’s WorldRecurring Characters: Wayne Campbell, Garth Algar, Nancy, Beev.

Goodnights

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 15

88o: Mary Tyler Moore / Elvis Costello

Customs Officer

Customs Officer…..Mary Tyler Moore
Mr. Powers…..Phli Hartman
Mr. Monterro…..Dana Carvey
Mr. Drake…..Kevin Nealon
Line Cutter…..Ben Stiller
Jewel Smuggler…..Jon Lovitz
Man in Line…..Al Franken

[ open on Customs Officer checking bags at the airport ]

Customs Officer: Hello, Mr… [ reads passport ] ..Powers. How was your trip to Brussels today?

Mr. Powers: Fine, thank you.

Customs Officer: Uh-huh. Will you be declaring anything?

Mr. Powers: Nope.

Customs Officer: Okay. If you did have anything to declare, now would be the time to tell me.

Mr. Powers: I understand.

Customs Officer: You see, there’s no way for me to know one way or the other.. all I can do is ask!

Mr. Powers: Uh-huh. Of course.

Customs Officer: But I think the people in this line are good. If they’ve got something to tell me, I’m sure they won’t be afraid to just come right out and say it!

Mr. Powers: [ shaky ] Right..

Customs Officer: It’s alright, Mr. Powers. Just tell me.

Mr. Powers: Well.. uh.. I bought a bracelet for my wife, and I..didn’t want to pay any duty on it.. but I guess I should, shouldn’t I..?

Customs Officer: [ elated ] I think so! I think telling me was the right thing to do.

Mr. Powers: You know, I never declare gifts when I come throughCustoms, but you’re different.. I don’t know.. I just.. couldn’tlie to you!

Customs Officer: Well, thanks, Mr. Powers! By the way, therewill be a small fine for failure to declare.

Mr. Powers: That’s okay! I have it coming. [ walks away ]

Customs Officer: Take care! [ next passenger approaches ] Hello.. [ reads passport ] Mr. Monterro. Do you have anything to declare?

Mr. Monterro: No.

Customs Officer: Mmm-hmm.. I see you’re from Bogata, Columbia.

Mr. Monterro: Yes, that’s right.

Customs Officer: Yeah.. there’s a great deal of drug traffickingbetwene Bogato and this city, and.. that worries a little. But since Idon’t know you very well, I’m just gonna come right out and ask: Are you bringing any drugs into our country?

Mr. Monterro: No.

Customs Officer: Now, please, Mr. Monterro, be honest with me. Are you smuggling drugs into this country right now.

Mr. Monterro: [ cracking ] Yes.

Customs Officer: Are they in the suitcase?

Mr. Monterro: No, they’re in the handle, you never would have found ’em.

Customs Officer: Oh, well, it’s a good thing you told me, then! [ laughs ] You’ll be going to prison now.

Mr. Monterro: I realize that. Okay, goodbye.

Customs Officer: Goodbye!

Mr. Monterro: Have a nice day. [ policeman carts him away ]

Customs Officer: [ to next passenger ] Hello!

Mr. Drake: Hello.

Customs Officer: [ reads passport ] Mr. Drake. All I ask, Mr. Drake, is that you’re upfront with me. I think that’s fair. Now.. is there anything you want to tell me?

Mr. Drake: [ thinking ] Yes.. there is. That passport is fake. I’m a spy.

Customs Officer: Well, you know spying is capitol offense in this country.. but I’m so glad we got this thing out in the open, aren’t you?

Mr. Drake: Yeah, me too.. [ a policeman carts him away ]

Customs Officer: Alright, take good care of yourself! [ to nextpassenger ] Hello!

Line Cutter: Hi. Look, I.. I cut the line.. I don’t even deserve to be here, so I’ll just go in the back. I’ll see you in.. about 40 minutes..

Customs Officer: Oh, that’s fine! And good for you! Just great!

[ Line Cutter goes to the back of the line – next passenger steps up ]

Jewel Smuggler: Uh.. I couldn’t help overhearing what you weresaying to the others, and I think I should tell you that I’m smugglingdiamonds..

Customs Officer: Well, I’m so glad you told me that! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it when people are frank with me. [ grabs briefcase ] But I’m afriad we are going to have to impound this.

Jewel Smuggler: Well, they’re not.. they’re not in my briefcase..

Customs Officer: I see. Are they in your pockets?

Jewel Smuggler: No.

Customs Officer: Well, do you have them with you right now? Be honest.

Jewel Smuggler: [ uncomfortable ] Yes..

Customs Officer: Are they hidden on your body somewhere?

Jewel Smuggler: Sort of..

Customs Officer: Don’t be afraid – just tell me where onyour body.

Jewel Smuggler: [ extremely uncomfortable ] They’re sort ofinside my body. It’s bad..

Customs Officer: Oh.. You know.. it took a lot of guts for you to tell me that. Something so private, I am really proud of you!

Jewel Smuggler: Thank you, but..

Customs Officer: [ to the crowd ] Everyone, could I have yourattention for just a minute, please? [ to Jewel Smuggler ] What is yourname?

Jewel Smuggler: [ whispering ] Arthur.

Customs Officer: Listen, everybody! This man, Arthur, just didsomething so courageous! He made a bad mistake, but he did theright thing, and he told me about it!

Man in Line: What did he do wrong?

Jewel Smuggler: Well, it seems that Artur here smuggled diamonds.. in a.. body cavity.. Now, that was a hard thing to talk about, but Artur was very honest. I think you should all try to be a little more like Arthur! [ the crowd applauds his honesty ] Yes, indeed. You’re gonna have to spend a long time in jail, Arthur.. but right now, I see a young man who deserves some ice cream! Come on, you!

[ walks Arthur out of the Customs Area ]

[ fade to black ]

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 15

88o: Mary Tyler Moore / Elvis Costello

Mary Tyler Moore’s Monologue

…..Mary Tyler Moore

Mary Tyler Moore: It is so great to be here. I’m a huge fan of”Saturday Night Live”, and I am thrilled that Elvis Costello is here.. and, yet, it’s a little embarrassing for me tonight, because, as you may have read, a group representing the American Family has urged that the show be boycotted because, apparently, the show did a “comedy” sketch some weeks ago, in which they, uh.. used a.. bad word – 28 times. I didn’t see the show, but apparently that bad word was.. [ grimaces ] ..penis. [ audience gets excited ] Okay. Alright. Enough said! Anyway, this is, you know, a little awkward, because throughout my career I’ve been associated with the best in family entertainment. But I’m from the school of show business that saysthat when you give your word you’ll do something, you do it. Since I agreed to host the show in January.. well, here I am.

[ still mulling over the referenced sketch ]

28 times.. I mean, how can you say.. well, I’m sure they’ve got their reasons. I guess I just don’t get political satire. So.. I’m here, I’m doing the show, and I guarantee that the “bad word” will not be used tonight. Not that I’m a prude or anything – no, far from it! It’s just that I believe there’s a time and a place for everything, right? The time for family entertainment is when the entire family is gather around the televsion set, no matter what the hour, day or night. The time for the other tihng is.. when you’re in your bedroom.. with your married partner.. the door bolted.. watching a porno film on the VCR. Not that I have ever watched a porno film, you know? But if I did, that’s the way I would do it. I don’t know.. I guess I am a little old-fashioned.

Anyway, don’t let what I’ve been talking about concern you in the least. I am just glad I got that off my mind. Now I can concentrate on doing a great show! Elvis Costello’s penis is here tonight, so stick around, we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 15

88o: Mary Tyler Moore / Elvis Costello

Lady Rhemington

…..Mary Tyler Moore

Mary Tyler Moore: Hi! You know, in my beauty routine, I use the best conditioners and creams for my hair and face. And, when it comes to my legs, once a week I reach for my cordless Lady Rhemington shaver. I like Lady Remington’s feminie shape and unique design..

[ turns on the shaver and reaches down for her legs, close-up angle reveals that Mary has ultra-thick leg hair ]

..Because it allows its 300 platinum blades to gently shave a woman’s sensitive skin and contours.

The Lady Rhemington. The ultimate lady shaver for every lady.

Announcer: The Lady Rhemington. Available in pink or yellow, with AT recharger and handsome carrying case.

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 15

88o: Mary Tyler Moore / Elvis Costello

Robot Repair

Written by: Jack Handey

XG-7000…..Phil Hartman
F.B.I. Agent…..Jon Lovitz

[ open on show’s title: ROBOT REPAIR ]

[ shows robot XG-7000 in workshop ]

XG-7000: [ in metallic voice, for duration of sketch ] Good afternoon, and welcome to “Robot Repair”. My name is XG-7000, and I will be your host today. We will be repairing a grandfather clock. But first I would like to respond to the many letters we have received regarding the name of this show. People are saying that “Robot Repair” indicates that broken robots will be repaired, when in fact, what happens is that a robot, me, shows you how to repair a variety of things. I agree that the name is confusing, and I have asked the producer to change it so that there is no further misunderstanding. And now, let’s get to repairing that grandfather clock. [ goes off to fix the clock ]

[ fade out with SUPER: “The following week” ]

[ open on show’s new title: ROBOT REPAIR AND YOU ]

XG-7000: Good afternoon, and welcome to “Robot Repair and You”. As you can see, the name of the show has been changed from the old name “Robot Repair”. However, adding the phrase “And You” to the old title does not solve the dilemma as I see it. The root of the problem is the words, “Robot Repair”, which as I said last week are confusing. I shall request that the name of the show be changed again to more accurately reflect the nature of the program.

[ fade out with SUPER: “The following week” ]

[ open on show’s new title: EXPLAINING ROBOTS ]

XG-7000: Good afternoon, and welcome to “Explaining Robots”. You may notice that the name of this show has been changed once again. However, as I attempted to convey to the producer, the name “Explaining Robots” again conotes that robots are to be studied and/or repaired, rather than robots explaining things. I suggested several alternative titles for this show which would clear up the situation. But these suggestions were deemed not acceptable.

[ fade out with SUPER: “The following week” ]

[ open on show’s new title: LET’S FIX, ROBOTS ]

XG-7000: Good afternoon, and welcome to “Let’s Fix, Robots”. Unlike the other names of this show, this one must be regarded as almost intentionally deceptive. It is easy to overlook the comma, after “fix”. [ holds up sign of show’s title, points out comma with screwdriver ] And if the title is interpreted correctly, it indicates that our show is directed at a robot viewing audience, which it is not. It makes one wonder if the producer has even seen the show. My robot programming prohibits me from harming humans, but I am starting to wonder if the circuitry could not be bypassed somehow.

[ fade out with SUPER: “The following week” ]

[ open on show’s new title: THIS OLD ROBOT ]

XG-7000: WARNING! WARNING! PRODUCER MUST BE DESTROYED! WARNING! WARNING! [ goes off to kill the producer ]

[ fade out with SUPER: “The following week” ]

[ open on new show: FUGITIVE ROBOTS ]

F.B.I. Agent: Good evening, and welcome to “Fugitive Robots”. Tonight we will be looking for this robot. [ holds up picture of XG-7000 ] He is wanted for the brutal murder of the producer of a show called.. [ checks clipboard for title ] ..”Robot Restoration”. Apparently, it’s a program about how to repair robots. His name is XG-7000, but he also goes by the names of XG-6000, XG-8000, BG-7000, and William Cartwright. If you have seen this robot, call us immediately. Thank you, and good night.

[ fade out with show’s title: FUGITIVE ROBOTS (previously known as “ROBOT APPREHENSION”) ]

Submitted by: Tony DuMont

SNL Transcripts