Aidy Bryant
Beck Bennett
Johnny… Bobby Moynihan
Kenan Thompson
Kyle Mooney
Sasheer Zamata
Kate McKinnon
Taran Killam
[Starts with a woman walking in the bank] [Cut to people withdrawing and depositing money] [Cut to Aidy screaming. The robbers run in with guns.]Beck: Everybody listen up. [robbers open their masks] This is exactly what you think it is. So do us a favor and get down on the floor.
[Cut to everyone in the bank getting down.]Johnny: [yelling] Ay, I said get down on the floor.
[Cut to Kenan scared but standing]Kyle: Looks like this guy needs a little help. Johnny, get me a chair.
[Johnny brings a chair. Johnny and Kyle nicely helps Kenan to sit on a chair as he couldn’t get down because he was using mobility aid.]Kyle: Alright, here you go.
Johnny: Wheels. Be careful.
Kenan: Thank you very much.
Beck: Fine, this is how this is going to work. You do exactly what we say and we’re all going to have a real good time.
[Kyle jumps with his gun pointing at a lady who is still standing]Kyle: What’s your problem?
Sasheer: [panicking] I don’t know. I’m sorry.
Johnny: Oh, no! Little princess ain’t in fairy tale land no more. Hey, do you want some water? \
Kyle: Sparkling or still?
Sasheer: What?
Johnny: He said sparking [reloads his gun] or still?
Sasheer: Still.
[cut to Kyle getting water from the filter for Sasheer]Kyle: Okay. Gotta keep hydrated.
Sasheer: Oh, thank you.
[Cut to Kate sitting down. Beck is walking towards her.]Beck: Every banks gotta have a manager. Right? There she is. Come on, stand up. [Beck holds Kate and pulls her up.] You know the drill. Now, while I take your lovely manager back to the vault, I trust that there ain’t gonna be any interruptions.
[Cut to Johnny]Johnny: And if we hear one little peep out of any of you, you’re gonna be spending the night at DG cemetery.
[Cut to a man hugging a boy. The boy lets his marble ball go. The ball rolls to Kyle. Kyle picks it up and walks to them.]Kyle: Does this belong to you little boy?
[Cut to the man and the boy]Taran: Do not hurt my son.
[Cut to Kyle]Kyle: Oh, we ain’t gonna hurt him. We’re just gonna teach him a lesson. On how learning can be fun.
[Kyle wears a cap and starts teaching the boy]Greetings, I am a union soldier. The year is Beck8KateJohnny and I am Beck9 years old. I am very hungry. And the winters are blistering cold.
[Cut to the man and the boy]The boy: Wow, cool!
[Cut to Kyle] [Johnny walks in with a hat] Johnny: And I am a confederate soldier. On the battlefield, we are enemies. But at home, we are brothers. [Cut to Aidy screaming] [Kyle walks to Aidy]Kyle: You think that’s scary? [Aidy was watching a movie on TV] Wait till you find out that she is actually– Wait! I’m going to ruin it.
[Johnny walks in with popcorn.]Kyle: Hey, you need any butter?
Aidy: Yes, please.
[Kyle puts the butter on popcorn.] [Cut to the vault. Kate is putting the money in the bag.]Beck: I just realized, I know exactly what a girl like you needs.] [Kate looking worried] Kate: What?
Beck: Something like this. [Beck puts on a puppy pin on her coat]
Kate: Charlie!
[blasting sound] [Aidy screaming] [Cut to Johnny and Kyle. They popped the confetti blaster. They bring a cake for Aidy with birthday candles.]Johnny: Surprise!
Aidy: How did you know?
Kyle: We stole your wallet!
[Beck comes in running]Beck: Alright everyone. Thank you so much for your cooperation. And now, we finally get to finish this song and dance.
[The robbers put guns away and start singing and dancing]Look I got the money, sorry if we scared you
now it’s time to go.
[Robbers point the guns again and walk out]