Kate McKinnon
John Mulaney
David… Kenan Thompson
Aidy Bryant
Bowen Yang
Gina… Heidi Gardner
[Starts with three couple having dinner]
Kate: I’m so glad we’re doing this. My favorite restaurant with my favorite people.
John: Honey, I agree, 100%
David: You know what? This is so fun. Dinner is on us.
Bowen: Oh, wow. But um, Keith, you know you can take your mask off the table.
David: Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t know I’m wearing it half the time.
Kate: I heard the CDC is gonna lift all mask mandates soon.
Aidy: Oh, yeah. I know.
John: It’s so weird. It’s like COVID is not over, but it’s just gonna stop. I don’t know how I feel about that.
Gina: Oh, you know, that reminds me of this article I wrote–
Bowen: Honey, no one wants to hear about that.
Gina: What? It was in Bloomberg. And I thought it was interesting.
Kate: What? What article?
Gina: Well, it was–
Bowen: Honey!
Gina: It was just saying how mask mandates had, I don’t know, little to no effect on COVID.
[drum roll]
[Everyone is nervous now]
I am sorry.. It’s not like I’m anti mask or anything. I just sometimes wonder if any of the things we did actually helped.
Bowen: Gina.
David: No, no. We can talk about this incredibly complicated and emotional topic.
Kate: Yes, yes. Of course. I will start because for instance, while I am so personally relieved that I’m vaccinated–
John: Careful…
Kate: I sometimes wonder if other people who are hesitant–
Aidy: Careful…
Kate: Might not have like a valid not valid–
David: What…?
Kate: Not valid, but understandable–
Bowen: Not tonight…
Kate: Help me.
John: I think what she means is maybe sometimes we are a little overzealous when we condemn–
Aidy: Oh no…
John: I just think that if people are actually losing their jobs–
Aidy: Oh no…
David: Careful, girl.
John: Look, vaccines save lives. Fact. Okay, they stopped the hospitals from being overrun. Fact.
Gina: Where are you up to?
John: But did I have to dump my oldest friend just because he didn’t get–
Kate: No… no… no…
John: A booster?
[drum roll]
[David’s tie rolls up. Bowen is checking his blood pressure. Aidy hides her face inside her bag. John pulls out his teeth. Kate shuts her face. Gina snaps the Thanos gauntlet and disappears.]
Bowen: Guys, guys, this is supposed to be fun. Isn’t there’s something happy we can talk about?
Kate: No, no, we started this. We need to finish it. David go make sense of this please.
David: Oh, okay. Well I think the biggest mistake the administration made was not providing more testing.
John: But the UK had done tons of testing and had even more COVID.
Kate: Well, at least Biden finally sent out all those tests over Christmas.
Gina: You mean the two tests for a family of eight that froze in the mail?
Aidy: Okay, well, at least we have the CDC. I mean, they haven’t always been perfect, but the science changed.
David: How does science change? When I make a mistake at work, I don’t get to say the science changed.
Bowen: At least we had outdoor dining.
John: Oh, you mean when they built a smaller restaurant in the street? How was that outdoor?
Kate: Look, I went to a child’s birthday party, self careful. And they did gymnastics in masks, don’t, and then they went into another room and took off their masks to eat pizza. This is the end of me. So did they really need the mask? Oh, no! Did any of us ever need the mask?
All: Noooo!
[scary music]
[scary clips playing]
Kate: My god. My god. I’m so glad I said that out loud. Of course we needed the mask. We need it. We may not know for years the full extent of what we’ve been through but we did our best and we’re gonna get through this.
David: Amen.
John: When an anti Vaxxer gets it, I feel happy.
David: No, you don’t. No, you don’t.
Kate: Well, we don’t have to wash our hands anymore. Do we?
John: Ha-ha-ha. I never did.