My Drunk Boyfriend

Aidy Bryant

Cecily Strong

Beck Bennett

Luke Null

Boyfriend Doll… Kyle Mooney

Girlfriend Doll… Heidi Gardner

Alex Moffat

Melissa Villaseñor

[Starts with Aidy getting drinks at the bar. Cecily is waiting for her. Aidy walks back with two cocktails.]

Aidy: Whoo! I hope you’re having fun. I know it sucks Brad’s out of town.

Cecily: Yeah, you know. But it’s still nice to have some me time. Right?

[Beck walks to Aidy and hugs her]

Beck: There she is.

Aidy: Babe, stop.

[Beck is drunk]

Beck: What? I can’t help it. I love you so much. [Beck is walking a little backwards. She spills a stranger’s drink.]

Stranger: Watch it, guy.

Beck: Oh, you wanna fight me? Let’s get it, bro.

Aidy: Okay, that’s my cue. I gotta get him out of here.

[Aidy pulls Beck away]

Cecily: Okay. I’ll see you guys later.

Beck: You’ll never find a love like this.

Aidy: Okay. That’s enough.

[Cecily looks at Cecily and Beck walk away carefully]

Female voice: Wishing your man was here? He would be a handful. But wow, do you miss him. Now, you don’t have to. Introducing My Drunk Boyfriend. [Cut to Cecily receiving the box of doll delivered in her home] The only life sized doll guaranteed to make you feel like your man is right there with you. And he is hammered. [Cecily opens the box. There’s a real looking doll guy.] 150 pounds of dead weight. [Cecily is trying to take  the doll out, but she is falling with the doll.] And you get to be his babysitter. Designed to mimic the behavior of the sloppy grown man that you can’t get enough of. Programmed to say over 200 unique phrases.

Boyfriend Doll: [drunk voice] I think I’m going to take piano lessons.

Female voice: It’s always a fun night with My Drunk Boyfriend.

Boyfriend Doll: [drunk voice] Cops. I want to watch Cops.

Female voice: You’ll love hearing about his big plans.

Boyfriend Doll: [drunk voice] I’m gonna call my boss and quit.

Female voice: Or when he cries over a dead relative he never mentioned before.

Boyfriend Doll: [drunk crying] My Uncle! [sobbing] My uncle!

Female voice: With My Drunk Boyfriend beside you, you’ll never miss out on a night of rolling him over when he snores. And oh no, watch out. My Drunk Boyfriend has a timer set to get up in the middle of the night and pee into your hamper.

Melissa: No. No. That’s the laundry.

Boyfriend Doll: [drunk voice] I did good, right?

Female voice: Plus, with a new My Drunk Boyfriend expansion pack, you’ll get all sorts of accessories. Like, pants that don’t come all the way off. A charred frozen pizza that he brought into bed. A glass of water he will ignore. And just a one more beer. My Drunk Boyfriend. He’s a problem, but he’s your problem.

Male voice: From the makes of My Drunk Girlfriend.

[Cut to a female doll]

Girlfriend doll: [drunk voice] Are you mad at me?

Alex: Yeah. [smiling at camera] I’m mad at you.