Grand Choad… Kenan Thompson
Mindy Elise Grayson… Kristen Wiig
Elka Legerdi… Kate McKinnon
Andrew Dismukes[Starts with TV show schedule]
Male voice: You’re watching the Game Show Network. At 10, it’s Card Varks. But first, Secret Word.[Cut to the show intro]
Male voice: It’s time to play the game the stars play, “Secret Word”. With your host, Grand Choad.
Grand Choad: Alright. Welcome once again to “Secret Word”. I am Grand Choad. Today’s show is sponsored by Secretary Wax. Shine up those legs before your boss gets in Secretary Wax. Our first guest is a regular on the show and is best known for the work on Broadway Stage. Please welcome Mindy Elise Grayson.[Mindy Elise Grayson walks in[
Mindy Elise Grayson: Merry Christmas. My gift to you is me.
Grand Choad: Alright. Hello, Mindy. You seem excited to be here today.[Mindy Elise Grayson takes a seat beside Lauren]
Mindy Elise Grayson: I am, Grant. I need money.
Grand Choad: Ha-ha. Terrific. We’re very lucky to have our next celebrity who’s making a rare public appearance. Please welcome Austrian-American actress and part time recluse, Elka Legerdi.[Elka Legerdi walks in. She’s wearing sunglasses.]
Elka Legerdi: So many light and people on camera, this is all too much to bear.
Grand Choad: Well, it is great to meet you, Elka. I loved you in “Unresponsive Woman”.[Elka Legerdi takes a seat beside Andrew]
Elka Legerdi: Thank you. Show business is a demon that eats you from the inside out until there’s nothing left but tears and dust.
Grand Choad: Okay. And you are Austria’s leading comedic actress?
Elka Legerdi: That is correct.
Grand Choad: Alright. All of today’s secret words are Christmas themed. Mindy, your team is up first. Are you ready to play?
Mindy Elise Grayson: We are. Let’s do this.
Grand Choad: Alright. 15 seconds on the clock, please.
Male voice: The secret word is ‘wrap’.
Grand Choad: And remember, Mindy. Don’t say the secret word.
Mindy Elise Grayson: I’m not going to, grant. I know what I’m doing. Right. How much time is left?
Grand Choad: Five seconds.
Mindy Elise Grayson: Oh, well I better get to it. Let’s see. Wrap.[buzzer sound]
Grand Choad: Mindy, you said the secret word.
Mindy Elise Grayson: I did. I am sorry. It’s the actress in me. I see letters and turn them into emotions. Just like I did in the play “Alls well that ends well”, a story of a blind girl who flips in to a well. Mama, where am I? The walls are wet. Who’s bucket is this? Mama! The New York times said, “Oh-oh!”
Grand Choad: Fantastic. Alright. Let’s go over to Elka’s team. Elka, are you going to give or receive?
Elka Legerdi: I have nothing left to give but if you ask, I will comply.
Grand Choad: It’s a very fun outlook. Let’s put 15 seconds on the clock.
Male voice: The secret word is “Poinsettia”.
Elka Legerdi: I don’t know this word.
Andrew: Poinsettia?[buzzer sound.]
Grand Choad: Just do another one.
Male voice: The secret word is “Ho ho ho”.
Elka Legerdi: Okay. This is hard in my accent but moo moo moo.
Andrew: I don’t understand.
Elka Legerdi: Moo moo moo.
Andrew: Yeah, I have no idea.
Mindy Elise Grayson: Ah! She’s saying “Ho ho ho.”[buzzer sound]
Grand Choad: Mindy! Alright, Elka. You lost that point.
Elka Legerdi: What’s the point of anything?
Grand Choad: Okay. I wish there was a third team to go, but all we have is Mindy.
Mindy Elise Grayson: I am ready to give again.
Lauren: When is it my turn?
Mindy Elise Grayson: Ha-ha-ha. That’s exactly what I said at my very first Hollywood orgy. You have to network.
Grand Choad: Our next clue is a Christmas phrase. Let’s hear it.
Male voice: The secret phrase is “Trimming the tree”.
Mindy Elise Grayson: Oh. Maybe I’m screwed but I don’t know why anyone would want to do this to a tree. I mean if you wanted to practice but I think you just get splinters in your mouth.
Lauren: I have no idea.
Mindy Elise Grayson: Ah! I’m sorry. My thumb, on the screen was covering up the first ‘T’. It’s ‘Trimming’. Trimming the tree.
Grand Choad: Um, this is the Christmas show. It’s Christmas.
Mindy Elise Grayson: I understand. I’m sorry. I biffed it. Just like I biffed my entire performance in the broadway musical flop “Mumbai Suzie and the Vindiloo Crew”, the story of a poor teen who left her strict Indian parents to open a curry cart in the big city of Bombay. He’s the 11 o’clock number. Hit it.[music playing] [singing] I’m moving out Mumbai, mom bye!
I’ll be home forGrand Choad Christmas dad bye, dad bye
Grand Choad: No. That is not okay. Not even for the time we’re supposed to be in. And it looks like it’s time for a commercial break.
Elka Legerdi: I had fun.
Grand Choad: Well, I’m glad. We’ll be right back after this.[Mindy Elise Grayson and Elka Legerdi walk up front]
Mindy Elise Grayson: Oh, watch us move it.[Mindy Elise Grayson and Elka Legerdi start dancing]