Jin… Kenan Thompson
Judy… Dwayne Johnson
Jemma… Cecily Strong
Waiter… Beck Bennett[Starts with Venessa and Jin having dinner together at a restaurant]
Venessa: Jin, this dinner was amazing. What a perfect anniversary.
Jin: Oh, anything for you sweetheart.[Judy and Jemma walk to Venessa and Jin]
Judy: Oh, ho! Oh, my god! Jin, this is crazy! You recognize me?[Cut to Judy and Jemma]
This is nuts. I feel like just got F-ed in my brain without protection.[Cut to Venessa and Jin]
Jin: Uh, yeah, I’m sorry. I’m having trouble placing you.[Cut to Judy and Jemma]
Judy: Judy Duty. Remember? We sent that guy to the chair together.[Cut to Venessa and Jin]
Jin: Oh, yeah.
Venessa: You sent a guy to the chair?
Jin: Well, I didn’t want to. I just needed it to end.[Cut to everybody]
Judy: Ay, can we join you? Oh, we should. Oh, by the way, this is my girlfriend, Jemma. She’s British. Ay, but don’t get a boner when she talks, huh?
Jemma: [in British accent] Babe, don’t tuck me out so much. I’m Jemma. Okay, babe, let’s sit. I’m so hungry.
Judy: Scoot over lady. You got pretty of space. I don’t want to crunch him in and pop the bones back out your back.
Jemma: Okay, gross! Picturing you like that.
Judy: Oh, I’m sorry babe. I’m such a big bag of freaking meat balls. Ay, did I introduce you to my girl?
Jemma: Hi, I’m Jemma.
Venessa: Yes, we did this.
Judy: Yeah, yeah. She’s British. Tell em’ who you used to date.
Judy: Isn’t that hot? Footballers. Makes you think about what she might do with her foot to you boy. Isn’t that right, Jin?
Jemma: Babe! I want some nibble. Get some babe.
Judy: Oh, she means apps. She says nibbles. Hey, say it again.
Judy: A-ha-ha-ha. I’m as hard as a door knob right now. You know what I mean? You Jin? How about you?[Cut to Venessa and Jin]
Jin: Umm… um…
Venessa: You’re not hard, are you Jin?[Cut to everybody]
Judy: Well, we need the apps. Where is the app guy? Where is the guy? The apps guy. We’re starving.
Jemma: Nibbles.[Cut to Venessa and Jin]
Venessa: We’re actually just finishing dessert and we were about to head home.[Cut to everybody]
Judy: Yeah, it’s a bone, right? Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ain’t that right, Jin?
Jin: Um, possibly.
Jemma: Nibbles. I want nibbles now.[Cut to Judy and Jemma]
Judy: Ay, you guys have heard about onion rings? You gonna love em’.[Waiter comes by]
Ay, you! How much are the onion rings? Like 25 cents a ring, right?
Waiter: We don’t really do it that way.
Jemma: Let’s get 200s.
Judy: Ha-ha. Babe, that’s like $800.
Jemma: Yeah, we can split it with them.[Cut to Venessa and Jin]
Venessa: Oh, no.
Jin: No.[Cut to Judy, Jemma and Waiter]
Judy: Ay, yeah. Cool. Give me 200 onion rings, split it four ways. And quick checking out my girlfriend’s rack, hah!
Jemma: Babe, knock it off. [Cut to everybody] Quit being a mob.
Judy: She’s being shy. Isn’t that great? Is your’s shy? What’s her name?
Venessa: My name is–
Judy: No, no, no, no. I asked him. Ay, is she shy?[Cut to Judy and Jemma]
Jemma: Don’t be shy. Women have to stand out girl power.
Judy: Ay, my girl likes your girl. They should be best friends now, right? Hey, do you wanna be best friends with that girl?
Jemma: Yeah, I really think so.
Judy: Jin, are you crazy stiff right now? I mean, that’s our girlfriends right. They’re like, best friends.[Cut to Venessa and Jin]
Venessa: You guys, it has been great running into you. But–[Cut to Judy and Jemma]
Judy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, you know what? She’s a singer.
Jemma: I’m a singer. I’ve got a song called banana.
Judy: It’s a crazy hot club song. Imagine the track in the background.[Judy starts banging on the sofa and Jemma starts singing.]
Jemma: [singing] Going out with my girls tonight
having fun with my girls tonight
big banana, long banana, short banana, white banana
let’s get bananas
five, four, three, two, banana.[Cut to Venessa and Jin] Judy: Wow, how good was that? [Cut to Judy and Jemma]
Judy: If you don’t have a boner right now, you should just kill yourself.[Cut to Venessa and Jin]
Jin: Nah, I’m good.
Venessa: Does that mean you have one?[Cut to everybody. Waiter brings in the onion rings in a huge tray.]
Judy: Whoa! Hang on here. Hang on.! Who is this guy? Who is this guy looking at us like this?
Waiter: I’m your waiter. Remember? You just ordered 200 onion rings.[Waiter puts the tray on the table]
Judy: You know what? I think you wanna kiss my girlfriend right in front of me. Like, I’m the joke of the day. I’ve got something for you. Come here.[Judy pulls Waiter byhis collar and smashes his head on the table. Waiter faints.]
Jemma: Babe, is this an onion ring? That’s not what I thought. I don’t like this. It’s like, all onion. I can’t have onion.
Judy: Oh, well now what?
Jemma: Let’s give them to her.[Cut to Venessa an Jin]
Jin: Yeah, she’ll eat em’.
Venessa: What?[Cut to Judy and Jemma]
Judy: Yeah, yeah. We’ll just all hang out while she eats all these onion rings. And then when she’s done, then we’ll all leave.
Jemma: [clapping] Eat em’. Eat em’ up![Cut to everybody
Jin: Yeah. Start eating please.[Venessa eats one onion ring]
Jemma: One! [claps] [Venessa eats another onion ring]
Two! [claps] [cheers and applause]