Angel… Heidi Gardner
Creed… Michael B. Jordan[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: This week Wendy’s announced they’d be bringing back their vanilla frosty after a brief hiatus in 2022. Here to talk about it with her good news report is every boxers girlfriend from every boxing movie about boxing ever.[Angel slides in]
Angel: Hi, hi.
Michael Che: How are you doing? How are you, Angel?
Angel: I’ve been better.
Michael Che: Does your boyfriend Tommy have a fight tonight?
Angel: He better not. Because the last guy hit Tommy so hard, there’s no more clams in his shoulder. I love him so much. But I swear to God, if he fights again, I’m taking the kids to my sister’s.
Michael Che: Got it. Well, in good news, the Vanilla Frosty is making a comeback.
Angel: Oh, come on.
Michael Che: What is it?
Angel: Wendy’s? You think of a Vanilla Frosty has a shot going up against chocolate? You’re sick? So Vanilla Frosty, if I see you back on the value menu, I’m not taking the kids to Wendy’s. I’m taking the kids to my sister’s. All of them. All of them. Mikey, Nikki, Pepper, Quinoa and the twin.
Michael Che: You’ve been doing okay, Angel?
Angel: Barely, barely. I’m doing a lot better than Tommy I can tell you that. Creed ruined him, Che.
Michael Che: Wait, Tommy fought Adonis Creed.
Angel: Creed hit Tommy so hard, his eye flew out. Landed in Pepper’s lap. The one night I forgot to take the kids on my sister’s.
Michael Che: Jesus.
Angel: So where is he? I know Creed’s here. You’ve been advertising the fight all week. Creed versus Lil Baby live on Peacock.
Michael Che: No. Angel, there’s no fight tonight.
Angel: Oh yeah?
Michael Che: No.
Angel: Then what’s all this? Cameras. Sold out crowd. I’m looking at Jamie Foxx at Gina Gershaun sit in front row next to cocaine bear.
Michael Che: That’s just a black guy sitting next to a white woman in a big coat.
Angel: I don’t care. I want Creed.[Creed slides in] [cheers and applause]
Angel: Adonis creed, you know you’re the reason my kids dad watches more sesame street than they do?
Creed: You ever think about us, Angel?
Creed: Huh? Remember? Before Tommy, there was Creedy.
Angel: You remember Lil Nicky? He’s yours, Creed.
Creed: What? Tommy never asked why one of his kids is black?
Angel: Tommy don’t see color.
Creed: That’s nice.
Angel: No, he don’t see any color, numbers or shapes. His potato is baked, Creedy.
Creed: Angel, look at me. You’re coming home with me tonight.
Angel: But what about Tommy? What about the kids?
Creed: Listen, from now on, I’m taking the kids to your sister’s.[Angel and Creed hug each other]
Michael Che: Every boxer’s girlfriend and Adonis Creed, everybody. For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.