Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Colin Jost in his set. There’s a picture of an article that says “High school football team wins 106-0” at left top corner.]Colin Jost: A high school principal has apologized for unsportsmanlike conduct of the school’s football team after they beat another team 106-0. Apology accepted said the Jets.
[Picture changes to to an article that says “Mothers passing on antibodies with breastmilk smoothies]It was reported that mothers in California are trying to pass on COVID vaccine antibodies to their children by making them smoothies with their breast milk. Oh sure. But when I asked for that, I’m escorted out of Jamba Juice.
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Smith College logo at right top corner.]Michael Che: Smith College has become the first woman’s college to eliminate student debt by replacing loans with grants because a lady should never have to pay.
[Picture changes to a news article that says “81 year old pharmacist traded drugs for sex”]At an 81 year old pharmacist and Pennsylvania was arrested for allegedly trading drugs for sexual favors. Wow. [picture changes to Bill Cosby] So, he’s a pharmacist now.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of International Handball Federation logo at left top corner.]Colin Jost: The International handball Federation’s agreed to allow female players to wear bike shorts instead of bikini bottoms. But they’re still insisting that refs use this whistle. [flirty whistle plays] [Picture changes to an article that says “30,000 visitors locked inside due to covid] More than 30,000 people were locked inside Shanghai Disneyland after one visitor tested positive for covid. So, let this be a lesson all you kids out there. If you aren’t more careful about covid, you’ll end up living at Disney World.
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of calendar marking November 2021 at right top corner.]Michael Che: National Impotency Awareness Month began on Monday. And I for one thought it’d never come.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a squirrel at left top corner.]Colin Jost: a tick tock went viral of a squirrel that appeared to be holding hands with a woman. See? It’s like Che always says, “Gay marriage is a slippery slope.”
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of guy’s face at right top corner.]Michael Che: A plastic surgeon posted a video on TikTok claiming that the rumor is true that the size of a person’s nose has a direct connection to the size of his penis. Oh, so that’s why Camila’s smiling.