Air Date: Host: Musical Guest: Special Guests: Cameos:

October 5th, 2002 Matt Damon Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band None None

NBC Special Report

Summary: Live, via satellite, Vice-President Dick Cheney (Darrell Hammond) rides on the back of a missle headed for Iraq. Recurring Characters: Tom Brokaw, Dick Cheney. Note: This sketch was originally planned as a satellite commentary on Weekend Update, but was converted into a cold opening at the last minute because the original cold opening bombed during dress rehearsal. Transcript

Montage

Matt Damon's Monologue

Summary: Because he wants to perform in a sketch about a huge summer news story, Matt Damon performs an impression of Justin Timberlake participating in a club dance-off with ex-girlfriend Britney Spears (Amy Poehler). Recurring Characters: Justin Guarini, Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears. Transcript

The NRA I

Summary: The AFLAC duck is shot by a couple of gun-carrying nuts (Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz). Transcript

Brian Fellow's Safari Planet

Summary: Brian Fellow (Tracy Morgan) won't allow animal sex talk on his show. Recurring Characters: Brian Fellow. Transcript

The NRA II

Summary: Carrot Top (Seth Meyers) is shot by a couple of gun-carrying nuts (Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz). Recurring Characters: Carrot Top. Transcript

Springsteen Concert

Summary: Boston Teens Sully (Jimmy Fallon) and Denise (Rachel Dratch) attend a Bruce Springsteen concert. Recurring Characters: Sully, Denise, Frank. Transcript

Nutri-Quick

Summary: Anal-suppository meals for when you're really on-the-go. Recurring Characters: Megan, Sheldon, Randy Goldman, Mr. Banglian. Transcript

Hannibal Goes to College

Summary: A college-aded Hannibal Lecter (Matt Damon) attends Michigan State in the latest "Silence of the Lambs" prequel trailer. Transcript

Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band perform "Lonesome Day"

Note: After an 18-year hiatus, Budweiser once again becomes the official sponsor of SNL's musical guest segment.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey

Summary: Seth Meyers and Matt Damon give advice to Yankees fans. Spanish comedian Fericito (Fred Armisen) teaches Jimmy Fallon how to tell comedy by using a catchphrase. Recurring Characters: Fericito. Transcript

Dr. Matt Damon

Summary: A doctor named Matt Damon (Chris Parnell) doesn't like being in movie star Matt Damon's shadow. Note: Ben Affleck was scheduled to make a cameo appearance during this sketch, but he had to cancel at the last minute. Transcript

Versace Pockets

Summary: Donatella Versace (Maya Rudolph) introduces new and expensive microwave dinners. Recurring Characters: Dontella Versace, Puff Daddy, Rosie O'Donnell, Axl Rose. Transcript

TV Funhouse

Summary: In a cartoon by Rob Smigel, "The Smurfette Show" combines the antics of Anna Nicole Smith and the Smurfs.

Bruce Springsteen performs "You're Missing"

Also Performed: 91s.

Sex Robot

Summary: A lazy scientist (Matt Damon) tries to pass off his Sex Robot project as fundamental research. Transcript

The Dr. Phil Show

Summary: Dr. Phil (Jeff Richards) confuses his guests with his off-kilter Texan expressions. Recurring Characters: Dr. Phil, Santa claus. Transcript

The War On Iraq

Summary: NBC airs a new, hilarious sitcom based on real-time political events. Transcript

Goodnights

Transcript

A Message From the President of the United States

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush. Note: Darrell Hammond was to take over Will Ferrell's vacated role as President George W. Bush, but the sketch bombed so badly at dress rehearsal that it was replaced with a Dick Cheney bit from Weekend Update. Though Chris Parnell would resume the role for the remainder of the season, Hammond did get the opportunity to portray the Commander-in-Chief in two live broadcasts in 2003 before being replaced by Will Forte.