Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 4

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

November 1st, 2003

Kelly Ripa


Chris Kattan

Sleepy Brown

A Message From the President of the United States
Summary: President George W. Bush (Darrell Hammond) addresses the nation.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.

Note: The search for the post-Ferrell Bush impressionist continues, as Darrell Hammond takes over the role from Chris Parnell.


Note: Finesse Mitchell and Kenan Thompson do not appear in this episode.

Kelly Ripa's Monologue
Summary: Kelly Ripa takes questions from members of the audience.

Recurring Characters: Ruth Weinstock, Terrell, Terrell's Wife.

Note: Jim Downey (wearing reading glasses) can be seen in the audience reading over his script before Kelly Ripa begins her monologue.

Bio: Kelly Ripa (1970-) helped American television audiences forget about Kathie Lee Gifford after taking over her chair on the old "Live with Regis & Kathie Lee" morning show.


Tressant Suprême
Summary: Kelly Ripa keeps her hair shiny with cocaine ingredients.


Live! With Regis & Kelly
Summary: Angelina Jolie (Kelly Ripa) finds Kelly Ripa's (Amy Poehler) childlike excitement aggravating.

Recurring Characters: Regis Philbin, Kelly Ripa, Gelman, Angelina Jolie.


Access Hollywood
Summary: Pat O'Brien (Jimmy Fallon) interviews Renee Zellweger (Kelly Ripa) and meets her professional weight gain coach (Horatio Sanz).

Recurring Characters: Pat O'Brien.


Outkast performs "Hey Ya!"
Note: Because Outkast released two solo albums as a double album, André 3000 and Big Boi appear separately in tonight's performances. André 3000 performs this song.

Bio: Outkast is hip hop duo André "André 3000" Benjamin (formerly known as "Dre") and Antwan "Big Boi" Patton, and they hail from Atlanta.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey
Summary: Drunk Girl (Jeff Richards) flirts with Jimmy Fallon while telling him what she did on Halloween. Jimmy Buffett (Horatio Sanz) cracks up Jimmy Fallon with his song variations.

Recurring Characters: Drunk Girl.


Center For Cow Fart Study
Summary: Scientist's (Will Forte) wife (Kelly Ripa) is angered by his quest to save the ozone layer by studying cow farts.


Lelaini Burke: Pet Psychic
Summary: Lelaini Burke (Maya Rudolph) seeks approval for her singing from her guests' pets.

Recurring Characters: Lelaini Burke.


Outkast performs "The Way You Move"
Note: Because Outkast released two solo albums as a double album, André 3000 and Big Boi appear separately in tonight's performances. Big Boi performs this song with Sleepy Brown.

Spy Glass
Summary: Ian Gerrard (Seth Meyers) and Zoe Anderton (Amy Poehler) host this British version of "Access Hollywood."

Recurring Characters: Ian Gerrard, Zoe Anderton, Pat O'Brien.


Greenbriar County Animal Rescue Shelter
Summary: A veterinarian (Chris Parnell) viciously insults the dog he's offering for adoption.



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