Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 34: Episode 14


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:









Bit Players:



January 31st, 2009

Steve Martin

Jason Mraz

None

Michael Daves

Craig Eastman

Britney Haas

Skip Ward

Colbie Caillat

None

A Message from the President of the United States
Summary: President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) recalls the sweeter moments of Inauguration Day while struggling to discuss the economy and thwart an interruption from Joe Biden (Jason Sudeikis).

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama, Joe Biden.

Transcript


Montage


Steve Martin's Monologue
Summary: Steve Martin jokes about how he is able to stay connected with the average man.

Transcript


Chewable Pampers
Summary: The organic-enriched diaper that is eco-friendly and delicious.

Transcript


MacGruber
Summary: MacGruber's (Will Forte) ego clashes with new guy MacGyver (Richard Dean Anderson).

Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.

Note: This filmed piece aired as an actual commercial for Pepsi in between the program.

Transcript


Introverts
Summary: Introverts Neil (Will Forte), Jean (Kristen Wiig), and Glenn (Steve Martin) venture into a sports bar to join in the Super Bowl viewing festivities.

Recurring Characters: Neil, Jean.

Transcript


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Using Steve Martin as their pawn, Andy Samberg and Bill Hader force Lorne Michaels to watch their presentation of "Laser Cats 4Ever".

Transcript


Issues
Summary: Clarence Jurnegan (Kenan Thompson) tries to help his guests overcome the outward issues he thinks are bothering them.

Transcript


MacGruber II
Summary: MacGruber (Will Forte) postpones defusing a bomb to wax poetic about Pepsi and change his name to Pepsuber.

Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.

Note: This filmed piece aired as an actual commercial for Pepsi in between the program.

Transcript


Madoff Invites
Summary: Confimed to house arrest, Bernard Madoff (Fred Armisen) makes a series of calls to his buddies on the outside.

Recurring Characters: Bernard Madoff.


Steve and the Ladies
Summary: As with the female cast members through the years before them, Casey wilson, Kristen Wiig, Mikaela Watson, and Abby Elliott cannot hide their fleeting attraction to Steve Martin.

Transcript


MacGruber III
Summary: Sellout MacGruber (Will Forte) can only speak the word "Pepsi".

Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.

Note: This filmed piece aired as an actual commercial for Pepsi in between the program.

Transcript


Jason Mraz performs "I'm Yours"
Lyrics


Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Impeached Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich (Jason Sudeikis) lashes out upon his critics. Angelina Jolie (Abby Elliott) appears from out of nowhere, with greedy intentions, after Seth Meyers reads a story about the woman who gave birth to octuplets. Gov. David Paterson (Fred Armisen) makes crass comments about upstate New York while explaining his selection for Hillary Clinton's Senate seat replacement.

Recurring Characters: Rod Blagojevich, Angelina Jolie, Gov. David Paterson.


Make-Up Counter
Summary: As Thomas (Steve Martin) tends to a customer (Casey Wilson), his anoying wife (Kristen Wiig) repeatedly calls his name and reminds him that they are married.


Steve Martin performs "Late For School"
Transcript


Forefathers Of The Game
Summary: ESPN Classic profiles heat-packing 1930's football champion Billy "The Gun" Van Goff (Steve Martin).

Transcript


Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat perform "Lucky"


Goodnights
Transcript





SNL Transcripts