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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 8

12h: Jeremy Renner / Maroon 5

The Stand Off

Gangster #1…..Taran Killam
Gangster #2…..Jeremy Renner
Hanson…..Bobby Moynihan
Wife…..Vanessa Bayer
…..Adam Levine

[ open on brick wall, with “THE STAND OFF” imprinted on it ]

[ pan over to reveal three men each standing with a pair of guns pointed at one another in a dark parking garage ]

Gangster #1: : Where’s the hard drive, Hanson?

Hanson: When I get my money, you’ll get your hard drive.

Gangster #2: That doesn’t work for me. I want both.

[ music intensifies, as everyone remains pointed at one another via extreme close-ups of their scrunched-up faces ]

Gangster #2: [ checks his watch ] Can we hurry this up?

Gangster #1: You got somewhere you need to be?

Gangster #2: Yeah. I gotta pick up my kid from dance class.

Hanson: I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.

Gangster #2: Yeah? Well, try and stop me.

[ music intensifies as he steps toward his car, the circle of men and guns following without breaking up the circle ]

Gangster #2: [ looking around ] The keys are in my pocket.

[ suddenly, the three men, with guns pointed, are sitting in a cab ]

Gangster #2: 11th and Avenue A, please!

[ the cab arrives at the dance class ]

Girl: Daddy!

Gangster #2: Hi, sweetheart!

[ she runs up to the circle of men and hugs her daddy ]

[ cut to the man reading “Goodnight, Moon” to his daughter in bed, with the other two men still within the circle pointing their guns ]

[ cut to the three men asleep in bed, until one stirs in bed and they all wake with a start and cock their guns at one another ]

[ cut to the three men together in the shower the next morning, with guns still pointing ]

[ cut to Thanksgiving dinner, the three men amid the family with guns pointing ]

Wife: I guess… I’ll go first? I… am… thankful for… my family.

[ cut to the three men, with backs turned, at public urinals ]

[ cut to the three men ice-skating with guns pointing ]

[ cut to the three men walking away from the skating rink, with guns still pointing ]

Gangster #2: That was actually a lot of fun!

Gangster #1: Yeah!

Gangster #2: You’re a good skater.

Hanson: Thanks!

[ suddenly, Adam Levine walks up ]

Adam Levine: Hey, guys!

[ the three men cock their guns and point them at Levine, who points his guns at them ]

Adam Levine: I’m looking 34th and 5th?

Gangster #2: You just passed it. A few blocks back that way.

Adam Levine: [ he lifts his guns ] Thanks.

[ Levine backs up and walks away, as the three men cock their guns and resume facing one another ]

Gangster #1: That was Adam Levine.

Hanson: [ excited ] That was Adam Levine?!

Gangster #2: I think so.

[ cut to the three men back in the parking garage ]

Gangster #2: Let’s do it Any last words?

Hanson: Yeah. [ as the music swells ] These have been the greatest few days of my life. You can keep the hard drive and the money — I don’t want it! I mean… what you guys have given me is more valuable than any —

[ suddenly, the other two men repeatedly open fire on him, even continuing to shoot long after he’s obviously dead ]

[ after a moment, the remaining two men point their guns at one another… and wait ]

Gangster #1: [ checking his watch ] Hey, listen. I have to let my cats outside.

[ the other man nods, and they slowly walk away without lowering their guns ]

[ just for good measure, they each fire upon their fallen comrade once more ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 8

12h: Jeremy Renner / Maroon 5

Your Hometown

Man…..Taran Killam
Dad…..Bill Hader
Mom…..Aidy Bryant
Matt…..Bobby Moynihan
Classmate…..Tim Robinson

[ open on lush tropical footage ]

Announcer: It’s that time of year again — The Holidays! This season, don’t waste your time on the white beaches of Hawaii.

[ dissolve to aerial footage of “Your Hometown” ]

Announcer: Instead, why not visit the sunny, paved streets of your hometown?

[ dissolve to suburban house, as Man’s parents open the door with big smiles on their faces ]

Announcer: There, you’ll enjoy four-star accomodations at your childhood home.

[ dissolve to Mom on exerise equipment in Man’s bedroom ]

Announcer: Featuring an all-access gym — located, conveniently, in your room! Along with a 24-hour business center — also in your room!

[ reveal Dad using the computer on the other side of Mab’s bed ]

[ dissolve to the breakfast table ]

Announcer: Enjoy long, long Continental breakfast.

[ dissolve to the living room ]

Announcer: Unwind in front of the deepest TV ever sold.

[ dissolve to Mom carrying towels into the bedroom ]

Announcer: And pamper yourself with scratchy, bleach-stained towels from 1994.

[ dissolve to basement ]

Announcer: Your childhood home offers a wide range of on-site activity. You could always clean out this box of stuff, or it’s going to be thrown away…

[ dissolve to yard ]

Announcer: Or — pick up these sticks.

[ dissolve to Dad changing a light bulb in his tight underwear ]

Announcer: And our attentive staff is there to assist you with anything that may come up.

[ cut to Man standing in a K-Mart parking lot ]

Announcer: Who needs snorkeling and parasailing — when you can check out the new K-Mart? And while you’re at it, check out the old K-Mart — which is now a closed Michael’s.

[ cut to Man driving in his parents’ car ]

Announcer: Or drive around listening to the only CD your Mom owns.

[ cut to random locations ]

Announcer: Plus: Your Hometown offers exotic destinations for smoking weed — like this swing… the train track… and Matt’s hot tub.

[ dissolve to exterior of high school ]

Announcer: If you’re in for a day trip, drive on down to your old high school to visit your old teacher… then think, “Why would I do this?”, and leave.

[ dissolve to movie theater ]

Announcer: Or go see a movie — by yourself.

[ reveal a high school classmate working at the concession stand ]

Announcer: Oh, look! It’s someone from your high school! How fun!

[ dissolve to aerial view of Your Hometown ]

Announcer: So book your tickets to Your Hometown today!

[ dissolve to Mom holding up bagged goods ]

Announcer: And bring home some souveniers that you’ll just have to leave at the airport.

[ dissolve to Man carrying the bagged good down the walk, as Mom and tight underwear-clad Dad with garden hose wave goodbye ]

Announcer: Your Hometown. We’d love you to stay for a week — but we’ll settle for three days!

[ SUPER: “Your Hometown: Brought to you by the Your Hometown Board of Tourism” ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 8

12h: Jeremy Renner / Maroon 5

Goodnights

…..Jeremy Renner

Jeremy Renner: Thanks to… Maroon 5! Governor Chris Christie! Lorne welcome… Lorne Michaels — Happy Birthday! [ everyone cheers wildly ] The cast and crew — thank you!! Great audience! New York, have a great Saturday night! You’re amazing!

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 8

12h: Jeremy Renner / Maroon 5

Coroner’s Office

Detective Nance…..Jason Sudeikis
Coroner Dan Gates…..Bill Hader
Mr. Calendar…..Jeremy Renner
Brother…..Taran Killam

[ open in Coroner’s office ]

Detective Nance: Mr. Calender, I’m Detectice Nance; this is our Coroner, Dan Gates. Now, when was the last time you saw your brother alive?

Mr. Calender: Last night, we got some dinner… and I dropped him off down the street from his apartment.

Detective Nance: Okay. Well, I know this must be very difficult, but we need you to identify the body.

Mr. Calender: I understand.

Detective Nance: Okay. Uh, Dan? Can you pull back the sheet, please?

[ Dan pulls the sheet to reveal the body ]

Detective Nance: Can you see me…? — Uh, can you tell me who you see there?

Mr. Calender: Yeah. [ he clears his throat ] I’m sorry.

Detective Nance: No, no, that’s okay. Take your time. I know this is tough.

Mr. Calender: [ a beat ] It’s Steven Tyler.

Detective Nance: [ stunned ] I — I — I’m sorry?

Mr. Calender: It’s the singer Steven Tyler, from Aerosmith.

Detective Nance: Hmm. No… no, that’s not him. Steven Tyler is actually still alive, and… and doesn’t look anything like that.

Mr. Calender: Oh. I’m sorry, I’m just a little nervous… I-I’ve never done anything like this…

Detective Nance: That’s fine, that’s fine. I understand. This can be very upsetting. Let’s start over, Dan, shall we? We’re gonna start over, okay? [ Dan covers the body ] Now, remember — we have strong evidence that this is your brother. We just need you to confirm his identity. You ready?

Mr. Calender: Yes.

Detective Nance: Okay. Dan?

[ Dan pulls the sheet to reveal the body ]

Mr. Calender: That is, uh… Yao Ming.

Detective Nance: No! No, no, it’s not!

Mr. Calender: You sure?

Detective Nance: Yeah! I’m SURE! Yao Ming is a seven-foot tall LIVING man!

Mr. Calender: Oh. Okay, I just guessed he looked a little different without the jersey… I don’t know, man! Like you said, this can be really difficult!

Detective Nance: Well, it’s not THIS difficult! Okay? Look, uh — alright, just to reiterate: We believe this is a person that you KNOW!

Mr. Calender: Got it.

Detective Nance: Okay! Dan!

[ Dan pulls the sheet to reveal the body ]

Mr. Calender: Oh, it’s you!

Coroner: Wowwww!

Detective Nance: NO!!! No, it’s not ME!! Let’s start over! Let’s start over! Okay? [ Dan covers the body ] Here we go. A few ground rules to keep in mind: It’s someone you know…

Mr. Calender: Right.

Detective Nance: Who’s no longer with us…

Mr. Calender: Yes.

Detective Nance: Because they’re DEAD!

Mr. Calender: O-kayyy…

Detective Nance: Which means they’re not alive…?

Mr. Calender: Right, right, right, right!

Detective Nance: Okay, alright! We’re, basically, just asking you to confirm that this is your brother! You got it?

Mr. Calender: Okayyy…

Detective Nance: Okay, so who is this?

[ Dan pulls the sheet to reveal the body ]

Mr. Calender: Is it two people?

Detective Nance: Oh, my God! Alright! Oh, my God… okay.

Mr. Calender: No, wait a minute! Is this like a “Sixth Sense” thing, where it turns out he’s alive and we’re all dead?

[ Dan begins to rub his hands all over the dead man’s face and tap his chest like a set of drums ]

Detective Nance: No! No! I kind of wish we were all dead right now. Okay? KLook, I’m gonna level with you 100%, alright? We’re 100% SURE that THIS is your brother! All we need from you is a simple comfirmation! It can be a “YES!” It can be a “NOT!” It can be a positive-sounding GRUNT! Just tell us something we can do to make this happen!

Mr. Calender: Maybe you can pull… pull the sheet back, and I’ll just run through a few guesses real fast.

Detective Nance: No, it dosn’t WORK like that, Sir!

Coroner: [ chuckling ] I kinda want to see what he’s gonna say!

Detective Nance: Okay, fine! Fine! Okay, ready! Let’s do it! Pull it back, here we go! [ Dan covers the body ] Ready? And… GO!!

[ Dan pulls the sheet to reveal the body ]

Mr. Calender: Lucy Lui!

Detective Nance: No!!

[ Dan covers the body, then pulls the sheet ]

Mr. Calender: American Dream?

Detective Nance: That’s clever — but NO!

[ Dan covers the body, then pulls the sheet ]

Mr. Calender: Wait — can he guess who I am first?

Detective Nance: NO!! What are you TALKING about?!

Mr. Calender: Oh, my God! It’s JFK! WE SOLVED IT!! [ he throws his arms in the air ]

Detective Nance: Okay! Alright! Look! It is NOT JFK! Alright?

Mr. Calender: [ pointing to Dan ] It’s his brother!

Coroner: [ looking down ] Dennis?

Detective Nance: WHY would you think that’s your brother?

Coroner: I don’t know!

Mr. Calender: Morris Day and The Time?

Detective Nance: You think THIS man is Morris Day and the ENTIRE band… The Time?!

Mr. Calender: Maybe it’s just Morris and a couple of the guys…?

Detective Nance: Okay! This hasn’t been very much help! Thank you very much…

Mr. Calender: I-I-I just figured it out! It’s so simple!

Detective Nance: What?

Mr. Calender: Maybe my dead brother has bene insude all of us the entire time.

Detective Nance: No! Dude, we’re NOT looking for a MORAL! Okay? I think we’re done here, alright? Is there anyone else — ANYONE else here in the family that can I.D. this person?

Mr. Calender: Yeah, my brother. [ he taps the body ] Hey, Bro!

[ suddenly, the dead man rises ]

Brother: Yeah, man?

Detective Nance: What the…?!

[ Dan tries to look surprised ]

Mr. Calender: These guys want you to do something. They’ll explain it. I don’t get it.

Brother: Yeah, okay. I’ll see you at home, Bro!

Mr. Calender: Okay, see you later. [ he walks off ]

[ Nance looks curiously at Dan ]

Coroner: He said he was dead!

Detective Nance: He said he was dead?!

Coroner: He said he was dead!

Detective Nance: How does that work?

Brother: Ohhhh, I got it! I’m Yao Ming!

Detective Nance: No! No, you’re not! No, you’re not!

[ he lies the man back on the gurney and covers the shet over his head ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 8


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:


November 17th, 2012

Jeremy Renner

Maroon 5

None

Gov. Chris Christie

None
BooknotesSummary: At a book club, Paula Broadwell (Cecily Strong) reads spicy passages from All In”, her personal biography of General David Petraeus.

Montage

Jeremy Renner’s MonologueSummary: Aspiring songwriter Jeremy Renner sings the rejected theme songs he wrote for each of his movies.

Your HometownSummary: Grown man (Taran Killam) makes the most of a visit to his hometown while staying in his parents’ (Bill Hader, Aidy Bryant) house.

Transcript

The CaliforniansSummary: Stuart’s (Fred Armisen) family Thanksgiving dinner reveals an illegitimate child among overexaggerated valley accents and driving directions within every conservation.

Recurring Characters: Stuart, Devin, Trey, Maid.

The Situation RoomSummary: Wolf Blitzer (Jason Sudeikis) attempts to uncover the identity of socialite Jill Kelley while interviewing the supposed Mayor of Tampa, Florida (Jeremy Renner) and repeatedly playing footage of Kelley walking to her car.

Recurring Characters: Wolf Blitzer.

The Stand OffSummary: Three determined gangsters (Taram Killam, Jeremy Renner, Bobby Moynihan) keep their guns pointed at one another throughout a series of unusual circumstances.

Transcript

Maroon 5 performs “One More Night”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Seth Meyers reviews the Winners/Losers of the General Petraeus sex scandal. Comedian Katt Williams (Jay Pharoah) addresses his recent string of controversies. Governor Chris Christie gives a status report on recovery efforts in New Jersey following Hurricane Sandy.

The AvengersSummary: While avenging a crime spree, Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) takes a lot of flak from his fellow superheroes for running out of arrows.

Movie SetSummary: While filming a tense dramatic scene, action star Dick Fuel (Jason Sudeikis) flinches whenever Jeremy Renner is about to slap him.

Maroon 5 performs “Daylight”

Midnight SnackSummary: In an animated film by Zach Kakin and Rob Klein, the “Cool Drones” fight terrorism by day and perform as a boy band by night.

Coroner’s OfficeSummary: Mr. Calendar (Jeremy Renner) can’t follow the concept behind identifying whether or not a dead body is that of his brother (Taran Killam).

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

ThanksgivingSummary:

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 7

12g: Anne Hathaway / Rihanna

Election Night

Mitt Romney…..Jason Sudeikis
Ann Romney…..Kate McKinnon
Tagg Romney, Matt Romney, Josh Romney…..Taran Killam
Karl Rove…..Bobby Moynihan

[ open on exterior, “Mitt Romney’s House — Election Night” ]

[ dissolve to Romney standing on balcony ]

Mitt Romney: Ah, darn it! Darn it all to HECK! [ he chigs from a carton of milk ]

Ann Romney: Mitt? Mitt?

[ Mitt tosses the empty carton over the balcony as Ann steps forward ]

Ann Romney: Hello, Mitt.

Mitt Romney: Ah, hello, Ann!

Ann Romney: What are you doing out on the balcony all alone?

Mitt Romney: Ohhh… I’m just thinking.

Ann Romney: You ran a wonderful campaign, Mitt. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Mitt Romney: Hmm… Thank you, Ann. You’re a FINE woman! Abnd I’m LUCKY to have you!

Ann Romney: And I’m lucky to have you! Now, come inside, Mitt. It’s a wonderful party. Everyone’s here.

Mitt Romney: Ah, in a moment, Ann. In a moment.

[ Ann steps back inside ]

[ Mitt waits, then he pulls a hidden milk carton from under a potted plant, cracks it open and chugs ]

Mitt Romney: I still love you, America! I DO! But you’ve hurt my feelings very, very much!

Tagg Romney: Father!

[ Mitt hides the milk carton as Tagg Romney approaches ]

Tagg Romney: Hello, Father.

Mitt Romney: Ah, hello, Tagg!

Tagg Romney: I’m so VERY angry, Father!

Mitt Romney: Mmm-hmm.

Tagg Romney: I wish I could PUNCH America in the FACE! I DO, I TELL YOU!!

Mitt Romney: Now, now, now… It’s not a time for anger, Tagg.

Tagg Romney: So what’s next for you, Father?

Mitt Romney: Well… I don’t know, there’s so much I want to see and do. I’d like to learn how may-o-naisse is made — as I like mayonaisse very, very much.

Tagg Romney: Come inside, Father.

Mitt Romney: In a moment, Tagg. In a moment.

[ Tagg steps back inside, as Mitt chugs more milk ]

Matt Romney: Father!

[ another Romney son approaches ]

Mitt Romney: [ hiding his milk carton ] Well, Tagg, I-I thought I told you to give me a moment?

Matt Romney: I’m not Tagg! I’m Matt! One of your other sons!

Mitt Romney: Oh. Of course! Of course, of course! Hello, Matt.

Matt Romney: Mother sent me to come get you, Father.

Mitt Romney: Mmm-hmm.

Matt Romney: Paul Ryan is dong feats of strength in the drawing room. She thought you’d like to see.

Mitt Romney: Yeah, well, I’d like to see him carry WISCONSIN!!

Matt Romney: Father!

Mitt Romney: Now, I’m sorry… that was uncalled for, I’m sorry.

Matt Romney: Have you been drinking? You smell like a dairy.

Mitt Romney: [ he holds up his milk carton ] What do you say… do you care to share a drink with your old man, huh?

Matt Romney: Father! I’m only 38! Now, come inside.

Mitt Romney: Ah, in a moment, Matt. In a moment.

[ Matt steps back inside, as Mitt chugs more milk ]

[ suddenly, Karl Rove approaches ]

Karl Rove: Hello, Mitt!

Mitt Romney: Hello, Karl Rove.

Karl Rove: I still think you can win Ohio. Look… now might not be the best time, but, uh… could I borrow $300 million…? Is that possible…?

[ Mitt grabs Rove and tosses him over the balcony ]

Karl Rove: I’m okay!

Josh Romney: Father!

[ another Romney son approaches ]

Mitt Romney: Oh, uh… Hello, uh…?

Josh Romney: Josh.

Mitt Romney: That’s right! Hello, my son, Josh!

Josh Romney: Now, please come inside, Father. Donald Trump is doing a very amusing thing where he’s racist.

Mitt Romney: Ah. You know what? In a moment, my son, Josh. In a moment.

Josh Romney: Okay.

[ Josh steps back inside ]

[ Mitt looks around for more stashes of milk, then removes his shoe and pulls a carton out of the heel ]

[ Ann once again approaches ]

Ann Romney: Mitt, the boys are worried! They’ve never seen you like this!

Mitt Romney: [ he tosses his carton over the balcony ] Oh, I’m fine! I’m fine, my dear Ann, I’m fine.

[ soft music begins to play ]

Ann Romney: Do you need another moment out here, Mitt?

Mitt Romney: Well, I’d like a moment with you. I’d like that very much. Perhaps we can stand on this balcony together, with our arms around each other.

Ann Romney: Well, I’d also like that very much.

[ Mitt steals a kiss from Ann’s lips ]

Ann Romney: [ amazed ] My, oh my! What has gotten into you?

Mitt Romney: Ohhh… oh, I don’t know, maybe TEN GALLONS OF MILK! Huh?

Ann Romney: Willard Mitt Romney!

Mitt Romney: Ah, I’m gonna be very, very sick tomorrow! But I’m also gonna be okay. Because I have you. Thank you, Ann.

Ann Romney: Thank you, Mitt!

[ music swells, as a heart superimposes over the couple, with the words “Mitt & Ann Forever” on the screen ]

Together: And “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 7

12g: Anne Hathaway / Rihanna

Anne Hathaway’s Monologue

…..Anne Hathaway
…..Jason Sudeikis
…..cast of “Saturday Night Live”

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Anne Hathaway!

Anne Hathaway: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you so much! Thank you! Oh, my goodness, I am SO excited to be hosting “SNL” — for the THIRD time! Oh, man! I gotta say that nothing compaeres to a week at “SNL”. We are here for six long days. We’re just writing and rehearsing… and then it’s DONE. Which is kind of different from the five months I spent rehearsing and filming “Les Mis”. So, it —

[ Jason Sudeikis appears onstage, as the audience cheers ]

Jason Sudeikis: You’re right! You’re right, Anne! “SNL” is a wild ride!

Anne Hathaway: [ laughing ] Jason! Your clothes are so puffy!

Jason Sudeikis: You know, Anne… you learn something after you’ve been here for EIGHT seasons — two as a writer! — and that is to CHERISH your Sundays! Monday is right around the corner! But that just makes Sunday aaaaallll the sweeter! Oh! That sweet, SWEET Sunday!

[ music pots up ]

Anne Hathaway: Wait… what’s happening?

Jason Sudeikis: [ singing ]
“One day more!”

Anne Hathaway: Oh, I know what’s happening.

Jason Sudeikis: [ singing ]
“Tonight, we’ll do our jobs and do them well
But then, tomorrow, we’ll be chill as hell!
Tonight, we’ll do our funny act
But Sunday, we’ll be kicking back
One day morrrrrrrre!”

[ Taran Killam and Cecily Strong appear ]

Taran Killam: [ singing ]
“Cannot wait until Sundayyyyyyy
I’ll sleep ’til noon and then, make chili.”

Jason Sudeikis: [ singing ]
“One day morrrrre!”

Taran Killam & Cecily Strong: [ singing ]
“Tomorrow, we’ll see “Wreck-it Ralph”
And then, we’ll stuff our face with… chili.”

Anne Hathaway: [ singing ]
“One more day ’til I go hooooooome!”

Taran Killam & Cecily Strong: [ singing ]
“Will we ever meet again?”

Anne Hathaway: [ singing ]
“One more day dealing with Jason!”

Jason Sudeikis: [ singing ]
“I was — ” Wait! What do you mean? Did I do something…?

Anne Hathaway: [ singing ]
“What a how I could have donnnnne!If they’d let me play Stefooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnn!”

[ Kenan Thompson appears ]

Kenan Thompson: [ singing ]
“One more day before I voooooooote!”

Anne Hathaway: Wait! Kenan, you didn’t vote?

Kenan Thompson: [ singing ]
“This will beeee a great electionnnnnnnn!”

Anne Hathaway: No, man, it’s over! It was Tuesday!

Kenan Thompson: [ singing ]
“I think I’ll vote for Ron Pauuuuuuuuulllll!”

Anne Hathaway: [ looking off-screen ] Wait, does he seriously not know?!

Kenan Thompson: [ singing ]
“Or I’ll write in… Chhaka Khaaaaaaaaannnnn!”

Jason Sudeikis: [ singing ]
“One day morrrre!”

[ Tim Robinson and Aidy Bryant appear ]

Tim Robinson & Aidy Bryant: [ singing ]
“Sunday’s not that long!
The second day is true!
We’re not in the show that much ’cause we are new!”

Taran Killam: [ singing ]
“Sunday’s! The day! We all… have… seeeeeeeexxxxx!!”

Jason Sudeikis: [ singing ]
“One day morrrrrrrrrrre!!”

[ the rest of the cast appears ]

All: [ singing ]
“One day until it’s Sundaaaaayyyyyyyy!!
One more day until it’s Sunday!
Tomorrow we’ll discover what our one-day weekend has in storrrrrrrre!
One… more… dawwwwwwwwnn!!
One more dayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!
One day morrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!!!!!!”

Anne Hathaway: We’ve got a GREAT show for you tonight! Rihanna is here! So stick around, we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts