Saturday Night Live Transcripts Season 23: Episode 5 ]]>
Air Date: Host: Musical Guest: Special Guests: Cameos: November 8th, 1997 Jon Lovitz Jane’s Addiction None Dana Carvey Controlling the AirwavesSummary: Media mogels take turns interrupting a speech by President Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond) so they can pursue their own agendas. Recurring Characters: Bill Gates, Ted Turner, Bill Clinton. Transcript
Montage
Jon Lovitz’s MonologueSummary: An ego-driven Jon Lovitz performs a piece from his one-man show. Transcript
Dunkin DonutsSummary: Before he retires, Dunkin Donuts commercial actor Michael Vale (Jon Lovitz) brings an abrupt closure to his character. Transcript
Larry King’s Wedding ReceptionSummary: A slew of celebrities roast Larry King (Norm MacDonald) at his latest wedding reception. Recurring Characters: Ted Turner, Larry King, Al Pacino, Ross Perot. Transcript
A Year With JewelSummary: David Sobel (Jon Lovitz) regrets winning a year in the Alaskan wildnerness with pop singer Jewel (Ana Gasteyer). Recurring Characters: Jewel, Missy Elliot.
TV FunhouseSummary: Rob Smigel’s “Fun With Real Audio” showcases President Bill Clinton’s liabilities during a speech.
The Ladies ManSummary: Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows) answers more sex queries from his viewers. Recurring Characters: Leon Phelps, Montel.
Weekend Update with Norm MacDonaldSummary: Pathological liar Tommy Flanagan (Jon Lovitz) gives an update on what he’s been up to since his last appearance on “SNL”. Recurring Characters: Tommy Flanagan. Transcript
Jane’s Addiction performs “Jane Says”Bio: Alternative rock band; the group originally formed in 1985, and broke up in 1991; the band reformed briefly in 1997, prior to their 2001 reunion tour; members: Perry Farrell, Dave Navarro, Flea (replacing Eric Avery), Stephen Perkins.
The Late Show with David LettermanSummary: Marv Albert (Jon Lovitz) shows off his raunchy home video clips to David Letterman (Norm MacDonald). Recurring Characters: David Letterman, Paul Shaffer, Marv Albert.
The Lost Deep ThoughtsSummary: Jack Handey comments on the biggest secret held by a mountain. Transcript
Colin Quinn Explains The New York TimesSummary: Colin Quinn employs stand-up to help make sense of New York Times headlines for the common reader. Transcript
The Robin Byrd ShowSummary: Ron Jeremy (Jon Lovitz) discusses the adult film industry with Robin Byrd (Cheri Oteri). Recurring Characters: Robin Byrd, Ron Jeremy, Mark Wahlberg, Burt Reynolds.
Set Our Nanny FreeSummary: Musical artists band together for the release of au pair Louise Woodward. Recurring Characters: The Spice Girls, Elton John, George Michael, Elvis Costello, Sarah Ferguson.
Norm MacDonald: I’m Norm MacDonald, and this is the fake news.
Tomorrow, Chinese Prime Minister Zhang Ze-min begins a weeklong visit that could define U.S. relations with China for years to come. President Clinton plans to ask Zhang for several things, including human rights reform, trade expansion, and a Chinese herb said to have the power to straighten a bent penis.
Well, it’s official. Sportscaster Marv Albert, convicted last month on assault and battery charges, will serve no jail time. [ pic of Patricia Masten ] But the big story was outside of the courthouse, where the second accuser from his trial, Patricia Masten, showed her face in public for the first time. This new development had legal experts once again asking: Who was the real victim here?
[ pic of Gloria Alread ] Incidentally, Ms. Masten will be represented in her civil suit by feminist attorney Gloria Alread, who is also quite unattractive. No box of chocolates, that one!
Well, this week, attorney general Janet Reno charged software giant Microsoft with trying to monopolize access to the Internet, and has asked a federal court to fine the company a million dollars a day. Analysts say that at this rate, Microsoft CEO Bill Gates will be broke just ten years after the earth crashes into the sun.
According to new medical studies, exposure to second-hand smoke dramatically increases a non-smoker’s risk of getting heart disease and lung cancer. Jubilant tobacco executives say the new study proves without a shadow of a doubt that non-smoking can kill you.
[ Minimal response from audience ]
Norm MacDonald: Well… that one wasn’t very good, but try to laugh anyway, it’ll give Farley a little rest.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian announced this week that he will start to offer organs taken from his suicide patients to people who need transplants. In addition, Kevorkian promised that anyone who does not get a life-saving organ will get a free murdering.
And in London, British scientists have created a frog embryo without a head; a breakthrough that could lead to the production of headless human clones to provide organs for transplant, as well as horrific nightmares for the rest of my life!
Norm Macdonald: And now, with a special commentary is our very own Tracy Morgan.
Tracy Morgan: Thank you, Norm. Hello, America. My name is Tracy Morgan, or as most of you know me as… The Other Black Guy. I’ve been with Saturday Night Live for 23 shows, but sometimes I don’t even get recognized in my own neighborhood. But that’s alright because I’m The Other Black Guy. And I’m just letting you know I’m here. Now, you might wanna get a pen and a piece of paper and write my name down. It’s T-R-A-C-Y M-O-R-G-A-N. [ Letters appear on screen as said ] Tracy Morgan. I have a re-occurring character. [ show Stallone goodnights ] There’s me in my big scene with Sylvester Stallone. [ show Spacey goodnights ] And there’s me with Kevin Spacey, he was cool to work with! [ show Tom Hanks ] Ah! Me with Tom Hanks, that’s my man! I’m really proud of that character, man. I call him the guy who smiles real big at the goodnights; has been in all 23 shows; makes me feel good; a role model for kids to look up to, like Evel Knievel. When other black people come up to me and say “So you work at Saturday Night Live?” and I say “Yeah!” And they say “So what’cha do there?” And I say “I’m Tracy Morgan, the Other Black Guy.” And they say “Aww, yeah, I seen you on the goodnights!” And I’ll say “That’s me, Tracy Morgan, the Other Black Guy.” I’m proud to be filling the role of the Other Black Guy on Saturday Night Live. So America, get ready… and I’ll see you in 45 minutes. Goodnight!
Norm MacDonald: Tracy Morgan, he’s the other black guy, ladies and gentlemen!
Well, in Maine political activists are trying to push through a constitutional amendment that would expand voting rights for the mentally ill. But according to insiders, it’s just a ploy by supporters of Ross Perot.
In New Orleans this week, Doonesbury creator Garry Trudeau was honored by the Drug Policy Foundation, a group who seeks to legalize marijuana. Also honored this week by the foundation – weed!
A Minnesota man is being sued by a woman who claims that he promised to marry her, but called off the wedding after he convinced her brother to give him a kidney. [ Holds up a human kidney ] Don’t I know it!
According to fire department officials in Wisconsin, many of the state’s communities can’t find enough people to be volunteer firefighters. As a possible explanation, officials cite the extreme danger of the job combined with the complete absence of pay!
Finally, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, a man allowed his 8-year-old daughter to take the wheel of his car, and an accident ensued that damaged seven other cars and injured six people. Which once again proves my theory: Women can’t drive!
Norm MacDonald: Okay, folks, that’s the news. Thank you!
Martha Stewart: Goblins, ghouls, spooky ghosts. These are all things that remind us of Autumn’s most flamboyant holiday – All Hallow’s Eve. I’m Martha Stewart.
A lot of attention gets paid to Halloween candy. But tomorrow on “Living”, we’ll celebrate the time-honored pranks of the season, when we make Halloween’s tricks a treat.
Toilet paper has become a staple of the Halloween prankster’s toolkit. I’ll show you how to design, plan, and implement a TP job that is both visually stunning and full of.. mischievious good cheer.
[ frozen exterior shot of Martha’s TP job outlined as a ghost in a tree ]
This is what I did to my ex-husband’s house.
[ Martha walks over to a bowl of eggs and holds them momentarily ]
The egg has been the weapon of choice for Halloween revelers for hundreds of years. Chosen for its sticky texture and its lingering sulphurous smell, eggs are a great way to make a lasting impression. [picks up a small, blue egg ] A robins egg splatters in a prism of harvest colors [ smashes robins egg on the counter ] That felt really good. [ holds a gift-wrapped basket of brown eggs ] I kept these brown eggs in the back of my greenhouse all summer. By October 31st, they should give off a really good pungent smell. And make sure to throw your eggs in the middle of the night. That wet, cracking sound really scares the hell out of people.
And, of course, no Halloween would be complete without a flaming bag of poop. The aroma of burning manure mixed with shoe leather on a crisp New England evening is a childhood memory I really cherish. And, once you learn the technique, you’ll be able to do it year-round. I do it every day to my next-door neighbor.
So, join us tomorrow for a special Halloween “Living”. I spend 364 days a year suppressing the demons inside me. But on Hallow’s Eve, I invite them to dance. It’s a good thing.
Matt Foley…..Chris Farley Evan the Instructor…..Tim Meadows Cyclist #1…..Molly Shannon Cyclist #2…..Ana Gasteyer Cyclist #3…..Jim Breuer Cyclist #4…..Will Ferrell
[ Set is inside a fitness gym, with people excercising on bikes ]
Evan: You’re at a beautiful countryside! Third position everybody! Come on, your’re approaching a hill, and increase resistance! Come on, push it! Push it people!
Cyclist #1: I can’t do it!
Evan: Okay, forget it! Stop, stop, stop everyone!
[ Everyone stops pedaling ]
Evan: Listen people, you aren’t burning enough calories!
Cyclist #2: We’re doing the best we can.
Evan: Listen, if you people want to lose weight, you’ve gotta push it harder! Look at me, I’m thin, I’m handsome, I could have sex with anyone in this room.
Cyclist #1: [ offended ] Evan.
Evan: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Maybe I did, I don’t know. Regardless, I’m just not getting through to you guys as a teacher. That’s why I hired someone to come in here and motivate you people. He’s been down in the locker room scarfing down chocolate-covered coffee beans for the last six hours, but I think he’s ready. Hey Matt, we’re ready for you!
Matt Foley: Okie dokie!
[ Matt Foley comes up the stairs and enters the room ]
Matt Foley: Hey Evan! Good to see ya! All right, how you guys doing! Okie dokie, my name, for all of you who don’t know me, is Matt Foley! And I AM a motivational speaker! Now, before we get to the spinning class, let me give you a little it of a scenerio of what MY life is all about! First off, I am thirty-five years old! I am THRICE DIVORCED! And I live in a van down by the river!
Cyclist #3: You’re gonna be our fitness instructor?
Matt Foley: Listen Hard Body, I don’t give a RAT’S BEHIND! I’m here to tell you people that as you get out there in the real world, you’re gonna find out that you’re not going to amount to JACK SQUAT!
[ He crosses the room to Cyclist #4 ]
Matt Foley: Now fella? Young man, what do you want to do with your life?
Cyclist #4: What do I want to do?
Matt Foley: Yeah!
Cyclist #4: Well I’m a succesful corporate lawyer, and I just made partner.
Matt Foley: Well, LA-DE-FREAKIN-DA! Whoa!
[ He walks back over to Evan ]
Matt Foley: Hey Evan! We got ourselves a lawyer over there! I can’t see real good, is that Ben Matlock?
Evan: No Matt, he’s a real lawyer.
Matt Foley: Evan? Ya know, I wish you could just shut your big YAPPER! Please!
Evan: Okay!
Matt Foley: [to Cyclist #] Well if you’re as good a lawyer as you are an athlete, you’re gonna be doing a lot of lawyer practicing in a van down by the river!
Cyclist #4: I own a summer home near the river if that helps.
Matt Foley: Shift it into low, Matlock! Now let’s get started!
[ Matt walks to his bike ]
Matt Foley: Okay! First thing that you’re gonna want to do is to get settled into the saddle!
[ He gets onto the bike, but his pants tear as a result ]
Matt Foley: Okay! Now you’ll often find that when mounting on the apparatus you’ll split your shorts. I’ts a common occurance. Stay motivated, do not let it get ya’. Because, as long as you’re wearing an athletic supporter, everything’s gonna be okie-dokie! However, I’ve forgotten MINE is uh-kind of a moot point!
Cyclist #1: Gross!
Cyclist #2: You cannot be serious!
Matt Foley: I just wish you two dolls would bring it DOWN A NOTCH! Now that you’re on the bike, next thing you’re gonna want to do…….is take a little bit of a rest. You know what I mean, just get your breath a little bit, and make sure you still got your bearings. You’ll find that just getting on the bike is gonna make you weak. [ he starts panting in fatigue ] Okay! Let’s start pedaling everybody!
[ He starts pedaling, and the others follow ]
Matt Foley: Now, a nice brisk base to start off with! Okay, not that brisk. [ he slows down ] Okay, a little less brisk! Low on the brisk! Slow it down here. Okay, stop, stop, stop right here!
[ Matt gets off the bike, and walks to his coffee pot ]
Matt Foley: Okay, now it’s time to take a little bit of a drink-skee-poo! Whoo!
[ He attempts to take a drink, but the majority of the coffee spills onto his face and down his shirt ]
Matt Foley: Whoa whoa!
Cyclist #1: Uhh, while you take your “coffee break”, can we continue pedaling because we are all paying for this class?
Matt Foley: [ spitting out coffee, very upset ] SHUT YOUR PIPEHOLE, MISSY!
Evan: [ fighting off Matt who is trying to get back on the bike ] All right, look Matt. Take it easy! Look, this is not gonna work out! I’m gonna have to ask you to get out of here.
Matt Foley: Back off Padre! I’m not going anywhere! That locker room downstairs is the closest thing I’ve had to a home in fifteen years!
Evan: Well I’m sorry, but I’m gonna have to ask you to get the hell out!
Matt Foley: [ getting on the bike ] All right, all right, all right, I’ll pedal! Let’s all pedal everybody, make Evan happy! Here we go, pedaling away! All right everybody, you’re on the road! Look over to the right. It’s your first wife, Linda! High tail it out of there because you owe her three years’ child support! Keep pedaling. All right, let’s pull into Seven-Eleven and buy a microwave burrito! Okay, we’re back on the road, there’s your son’s dorm! Let’s sneak in, steal his student loan check, cash it, and head out lookin’ for ASIAN HOOKERS! Cause if there’s one thing Matt likes, it’s HONG-KONG FUEY, ha-ha! Ohhhh yeah!
[ As he says this, the bike malfunctions, breaks apart, and starts rolling down the room through a wall with Matt still aboard ]
Evan: Oh my God!
Matt Foley: All right, I’ve taught you people all I can. I gotta move it into karate class, Evan.
[ He walks through the broken wall into a karate class with two martial arts teachers ]
Matt Foley: All right, boys! First about martial arts is that I’m thrice divorced, and I live in a van down by the river!
Circe Nightshade: Welcome to Goth Talk. I’m Circe Nightshade.
Azrael Abyss: And I’m Azrael Abyss. I’m the Prince of Sorrow. Welcome to the show that explores the moody depths of the Goth lifestyle here in Tampa, Florida.
Circe Nightshade: So surrender yourself to your darkest desires here in Azrael’s very spooky two-car garage.
Azrael Abyss: We would have been in the den, but my grandma’s staying for the weekend and she’s sleeping there. Eeee..
Circe Nightshade: You have chosen to join us for a very special instalment of Goth Talk. Our Halloween Bacchanal!
Azrael Abyss: Rrrrooww! Ffffttt! Halloween, an ecstasy of Goth.
Circe Nightshade: The night that the entire world peeks into the dark, dark crevices of their own evil!
Azrael Abyss: .. and I don’t get beat up in the mall parking lot.
[ car lights fall over Azrael and Circe, as the garage door opens and Glen’s car pulls up ]
Glen: What the hell is going on here? Todd! [ Glen and Friend walk up ] Get this crap the hell out of the garage, Todd!
Azrael Abyss: No!
Glen’s Friend: Yeah, I gotta park my sweet Grand Cherokee.
Azrael Abyss: You can’t park in here. This is our sinister tomb of dark madness!
Glen: Oh man.. whatever. Hey, just don’t forget.. it’s your turn to put Vic’s Vapo-Rub on grandma’s chest, Todd!
[GLEN and FRIEND laugh]
Azrael Abyss: My name’s not Todd, it’s Azrael Abyss.
Glen’s Friend: [ to Glen ] Man.. you wern’t kidding about your brother, man.. He’s like some messed-up Mime or something.
Glen: [ to Azrael ] Clean it up! [ exits upstairs ]
Azrael Abyss: Anyway..
Circe Nightshade: Now would be a good time to thank our sponsors. Goth Talk is brought to you by The Gloom Room, the place for all your Goth needs. It’s an orgy of the macabre, right next to the Pizza Hut on Hibiscus Road.
Azrael Abyss: Wheee! Well I guess he’ll be arriving soon.
Circe Nightshade: Yes. He’s the lead singer of one of Tampa’s greatest Goth bands, Satan’s Answering Machine.
Azrael Abyss: His name is Baron Nocturna. He’s a spectral vision of pure malevolence, and he works with me at Cinnabun’s.
Glen: [ calling from upstairs ] Hey Todd! There’s some weird-looking guy out by the door.
Azrael Abyss: Baron Nocturna! He’s here! Send him in! Send him in! Send him in!
Glen: Alright..
Circe Nightshade: Kindred and brethren.. Please welcome his Deranged Majesty.. Baron Nocturna!
[ Glen and Friend run downstairs, dressed in identical Budweiser shirts and frog costumes. Azrael frets as Friend accosts him and Circe ]
Glen: Check this out, man. We’re the Budweiser Frogs.
Circe Nightshade: Alright, what did you guys do with Baron Nocturna?
Glen: Oh you mean the fruit with the leather jacket and no shirt? [ laughs ]
Glen’s Friend: We pantsed him and threw him in the pool! [ laughs ]
[ Baron Nocturna stumbles to the top of the stairs, soaking wet, clad only in leather jacket and white boxer shorts ]
Baron Nocturna: Hey Azrael! Your brother’s a real tool! He physically hurt me! I’m going home! [ to Glen ] You hurt me! [ runs off ]
Glen: Hey, here’s something for your little show. Cue it, dude.
Glen’s Friend: Bud!
Glen: Er!
Glen’s Friend: Bud!
Glen: Er! Our buddy Kyle was gonna be the “Weis” guy, but he got mono, man.
Glen’s Friend: Hey, come on! Make Todd say “Weis”!
[ Glen grabs Azrael ]
Azrael Abyss: My name’s Azrael Abyss. I don’t wanna!
Glen: Say “Weis”! Ready?
Glen’s Friend: Bud!
Azrael Abyss: [ meekly ] Weis.
Friend: Er!
[ Glen and Friend high-five, then both hop on AZRAEL and torture him ]
Circe Nightshade: I guess.. I guess that’s all the time we have tonight. Thank you for joining us, and remember.. stay out of the daylight!
[ Azrael continues to scream as Glen and Friend torture him ] [ fade to black ]
Chris Farley: Thanks, everybody! Thanks to the Mighty Mighty Bosstones! Mr. Chevy Chase! Mr. Chris Rock! The great cast of “Saturday Night Live”! Mr. Lorne Michaels, my boss! Marcy! Everybody! We had a great time! [ wraps his arms around Chevy Chase and Chris Rock ] Thank you. Thank you.
[ Lorne’s at his desk. Tim’s seated across from him. ]
Lorne Michaels: Now Tim, I’m planning on having Farley host in three weeks, but I’m just not sure, considering all the issues he’s had lately.
Tim Meadows: I know what you’re saying, Lorne, and I have the solution to fill the void — me.
Lorne Michaels: Yeah right. It’s either Farley or Chris Rock – you choose.
Tim Meadows: Lorne, Farley’s really coming along. That last trip to the “spa” did the trick. He’s been totally clean for six weeks — no booze, no women… still got the eating thing. I’m not gonna kid you about that.
Lorne Michaels: Well, we do need a host for October 25th.
Tim Meadows: Cannot not do better than Chris Farley, sir. I mean, fatty falls down, ratings go up.
Lorne Michaels: Believe me, I know. But how do I know he’s not gonna screw up?
[ Farley bursts into the office. ]
Chris Farley: Because I won’t!
[ Farley seats himself next to Tim. ]
Chris Farley: We can do this! Lorne, you’re skeptical and I don’t blame you one bit. But this time, I’m not gonna let you down, boss.
Lorne Michaels: You said that before, Chris. What about the Marisa Tomei show?
Chris Farley: I had to go to the bathroom! I get confused!
Lorne Michaels: What about the time with Pardo?
Chris Farley: Oh man! That was no big deal! Old guys throw up all the time!! Especially Pardo. Lorne, you remember the time I got pulled over by the cops and I said I was YOU!!!
[ Farley chuckles mightily. ]
Chris Farley: And you had to do that time in jail!? That was awesome!! That’s just part of the fun!
Lorne Michaels: No Chris, that wasn’t awesome.
Chris Farley: Remember the time I set Timmy up with the transvestite and he went out with her for three weeks!?
[ Farley chuckles. ]
Tim Meadows: Stacy!?!?
Chris Farley: Stacy.
Lorne Michaels: Chris, do you remember any of the John Travolta show?
Chris Farley: No… Not any of it… But that was then, this is now. I’m not just talking the talk, but I’m gonna be walking the walk, boss!
Tim Meadows: And he’s got a great sponsor who’s here to keep an eye on him. Really!
[ Chevy Chase comes in. ]
Chevy Chase: Hey Lorne!
Chris Farley: Yes!!
[ Chevy and Farley lock arms for a semi-embrace. ]
Lorne Michaels: Chevy!? Your Farley’s sponsor!? You just got out of Betty Ford!
Chevy Chase: Well, that’s neither here nor there, Lorne… The important thing is that Chris is doing great! He’s been completely sober for two weeks.
Chris Farley: Six!
Chevy Chase: Six, two, whatever! The important thing is that Chris is not just talking the talk, he’s walking the walk.
Lorne Michaels: Why do I not believe you?
Chris Farley: Lorne, I just want you to know something — if you decide not to let me host, I’ll understand. But if you do let me host, I swear to you, I will not let you down!!
Lorne Michaels: Can you still fall through a table?
Chris Farley: Can I!?!? Gaga-goo-me!
Tim Meadows: Show him!
Chris Farley: I’ll show you, Lorne!
[ Chris gets out of his chair and does a pratfall on Lorne’s desk, knocking off all on it. The desk doesn’t collapse. Lorne rises out of his chair. ]
Lorne Michaels: Chris, this isn’t a breakaway, but I’ll tell you what — you can host.
Chris Farley: I can! All right!! “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”
Anchor…..Will Ferrell El Nino…..Chris Farley Ric Flair…..Jim Breuer
Anchor: Welcome to “WeatherScope”. The biggest news this season, undoubtedly, the huge mass of warm Pacific water known as El Nino. Though it has caused torrential downpours in the Pacific region, El Nino has also dominated many tropical storms, preventing them from becoming hurricanes. In a dramatic development, the Weather Channel has captured the following satellite images of the mysterious phenomenon known as.. El Nino.
[ cut to El Nino standing in front of huge winds delivering his pitch in the style of a professional wrestler ]
El Nino: I am El Nino! All other tropical storms must bow before El Nino! Yo soy El Nino! For those of you who don’t “habla Espanol”, El Nino is Spanish for.. The Nino! To any of you hurricanes who are listening, step on up! Because nobody can take El Nino! I challenge any of you punk-ass tropical storms to a no-holds barred cage match! Any time! Any coast! I swear to God all Mighty it is time to pay the piper, ’cause El Nino’s coming for ya! And it ain’t gonna be pretty!
[ cut back to Anchor in the studio ]
Anchor: Obviously, El Nino issuing a challenge to all comers. Let’s hear now from expert meteorologist and intercontinental Wrestling Federation champion, Ric Flair. El Nino, has some pretty strong words there, Rick, it looks like he’s after you belt.
[ cut to Ric Flair rebutting El Nino’s challenge ]
Ric Flair: El Nino, I’ve got one thing to say to you, brother! You may dominate weather fronts all along the Eastern seaboard brother, but you wouldn’t last two seconds against me and Junkyard Dog, Nino! I don’t speak Spanish, but I’m coming to your burrito to kick your butt-o, pal! Yeah, that’s right!
[ El Nino suddenly crashes into the scene, as he and Ric Flair attempt to tear one another apart with various wrestling moves ]
Anchor: Ric Flair has applied the sleeper hold to El Nino! It’s unbelievable! Ric Flair has subdued the powerful weather phenomenon known as El Nino! I think you can look for a return to colder weather and more storms in the Great Lakes region.
Announcer: November 3rd, watch WWF action when Hacksaw Jim Doogan takes on the Santa Ana Wind at the Indiana State Fairgrounds!
[title and voice over: “And now, the lost Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.”]
Jack Handy V/O: [voice over with scrolling text] When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, “YA-HOO! We’re rich!” But it turned out to be something different.
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Air Date:
Controlling the AirwavesSummary: Media mogels take turns interrupting a speech by President Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond) so they can pursue their own agendas.
