Nancy Pelosi… Kate McKinnon
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez… Melissa Villaseñor
Maxine Waters… Leslie Jones
Kyrsten Sinema… Cecily Strong
Annie Kuster… Aidy Bryant
Abigail Spanberger… Heidi Gardner
Rashida Tlaib… Halsey[Starts with intro of Women of Congress]
Narrator: Once upon a time, there were women. And then they became fed up women. And then they became congress women. They fight crime, they right wrongs. They wear white. But they\re not all white and we love them. They’re the Women of Congress! Featuring [Cut to Nancy Pelosi clapping] Nancy ‘Madam Clap Back’ Pelosi.
Nancy Pelosi: I’m so woke. I can’t close my eyes.[Cut to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez using her mobile phone]
Narrator: Alexandria ‘I Say What I meme’ [Alexandria throws her phone to hit the security guard] Ocasio-Cortez.
Melissa Villaseñor: You’retrying to rip apart my green new deal. Leave me alone, I will dog walk you.[Cut to Maxine Waters showing off her kung-fu moves]
Narrator: Maxine ‘Don’t Go Chasing’ Waters.
Maxine Waters: They call me auntie Maxine but I’m gonna make Trump say ‘Uncle’.[Cut to Kyrsten Sinema]
Narrator: Kyrsten ‘Kookie Arizona Lady’ Sinema.
Kyrsten Sinema: I used to be in the house. But now I’m in the senate. I’m bicameral, bipartisan, and bi. Deal with it.[Cut to Ilhan Omar climbing the building from the outside]
Narrator: Ilhan ‘Get The Hi-Job Done’ Omar.
Ilhan Omar: I’m a proud Muslim woman and proud American. When Ted Cruz sees me, he crosses the street.[Cut to Annie Kuster]
Narrator: Annie ‘Raise the Roof ’Kuster.[Annie raising her hand up and down]
Annie Kuster: Raise the roof! And break that glass ceiling.[Cut to Abigail Spanberger showing her Kung-fu moves]
Narrator: Abigail, ‘Say My Name, Say My Name’ Spanberger.
Abigail Spanberger: My opponents thought he could hurt me by saying a vote for me was a vote for Nancy Pelosi.[Nancy joins Abigail]
Nancy Pelosi: Uh-huh. How did that work out? Good?[Cut to Rashida Tlaib]
Narrator: And Rashida ‘Impeach The Mother****’ Tlaib.
Rashida Tlaib: Impeach the mother** [Bleep]. Bitch!
Narrator: They are the Women of Congress.[Cut to video clip of White house] [Cut to all Women of Congress inside a room]
Nancy Pelosi: Ladies, this is a message from President Trump.[Cut to Nancy Pelosi playing the voice message]
Donald Trump: Congratulations, women of congress. You know, since I’ve been president, we have more women serving in congress than ever before.[Cut to Annie Kuster]
Annie Kuster: You don’t get to take credit for that.[Cut to Rashida Tlaib]
Rashida Tlaib: That is not because of you. That’s in spite of you![Cut to everyone complaining out loud] [Cut to Rashida Tlaib breaks the speaker from there the message isplayin] [Cut to Maxine Waters]
Maxine Waters: And you’re not rich![Cut to outro of The Women of Congress]
Narrator: They are the women of congress!