Brad Dunn… Taran Killam
Drew Mackenzie… Pete Davidson
Barry Peele… Beck Bennett
Alan Smickel… Bobby Moynihan
Jacob Schultz… Jon Rudnitsky
Male voice: We now return to the Screen Guild Awards.[Cut to Cecily]
Cecily: And now, the award for the best actor. There were so many great performances this year. It’s a shame we couldn’t nominate more. But I think we can all agree these were the best of the best. For ‘Punching Upward’ [Cut to Brad] as a boxing coach who wouldn’t give up on his pupil, Brad Dunn.[Cut to a clip from the movie ‘Punching Upward’]
Brad: So that’s it, huh? You’re just gonna quit?
Jay: Man, I don’t know why I’m doing this anyway. I’ll never beat Ruiz.
Brad: Ay! Screw Ruiz. You know who you gotta beat? Him! [showing the mirror] That guy right there. That’s the toughest opponent you’ll ever face in the world.[Cut to Brad and Drew] [Cut to Cecily]
Cecily: For ‘Shut Em Down’, a rockest look at rough and tumble 80s rap group Public Disaster, [Cut to Drew] in the role of Little Q, Drew Mackenzie.[Cut to a clip from the movie ‘Shut Em Down’]
Kenan: Man, they’ve been tryna’ shut us down from day one. Speak a little truth, and they tryna’ to take you out. But if anybody wants to leave, there’s the door. So who’s staying?[Drew walks in]
Drew: Yeah, guys! Who’s staying? I know I am.[Cut to Drew waving at the camera. Kenan is behind him looking angry.] [Cut to Cecily]
Cecily: For ‘Thurgood’, the story of the first black supreme court justice Thurgood Marshall, [Cut to Barry] playing the role of Dave, Barry Peele.[Cut to a clip from the movie ‘Thurgood’.]
Sasheer: I can’t wait forever Marshall. Do you love me? Or your books?
Marshall: Viv, if I’m gonna make it as a lawyer, I got to work 10 times as hard as these white folks. It’s the only way it’s gonna work.[Barry walks in]
Barry: Hey guys, we close in five minutes.
Marshall: Thanks Dave.[Barry walks away] [Cut to Barry waving at the camera. The actor who played Marshall is behind him looking angry.] [Cut to Cecily]
Cecily: For ‘All the Beasts of Heaven’, the story of African child soldiers and the ruthless warlord who led them, [Cut to Alan] for his role of white man with camera, Alan Smickel.[Cut to a clip from the movie ‘All the Beasts of Heaven’.]
Jay: You will eat when I say. You will sleep when I say. You will kill when I say.[Alan walks in with a camera in. Jay cannot see him so Alan just turns around and walks away.]
When we fight, we will eat the beating hearts.[Cut to Alan smiling and looking at the camera. Jay is sitting beside him looking funnily. Alan gives him hand for a high-five but Jay ignores him.] [Cut to Cecily]
Cecily: Finally, for ‘Red Line’, the story of discriminatory housing practices between African Americans in Chicago, [Cut to Jacob] for his role as unseen voice on phone, Jacob Schultz.[Cut to a clip from the movie ‘Red Line’.]
Leslie: [on the phone][sobbing] You white people think you can take anything you want. Well, this is my house and it’s not right.
Jacob: Okay. I’ll give him the message.[Cut to Jacob smiling at the camera.] [Cut to Leslie looking angry] [Cut to Cecily]
Cecily: And the best actor is…[Cecily opens the card] Oh! Oh my god, I knew it. It’s five way tie. All the white guys![All the white guys walk to the stage happily]
Alan: Whoo! We did it![The End]