Donna Fingerneck… Cecily Strong
Jodi Cork… Kate McKinnon
D’Angelo… Vanessa Bayer
T Harrison… Chris Rock
Aidy Bryant
Todd…Taran Killam
Jay Pharoah
[Starts with intro of “Women in the Workplace”.] [Cut to Donna Fingerneck and Jodi Cork in their set]Donna Fingerneck: Welcome. It’s me, Donna Fingerneck.
Jodi Cork: And as always, I’m Jodi Cork. Isn’t it hard being a woman in the workplace in the 1990s?
Donna Fingerneck: Sure can. That’s right. You’re watching. This video series. In previous lessons, you’ve learned how to dress for success, where to cry at work and excusing yourself from an important meeting.
Jodi Cork: Because you have to tinkle, or worse.
[Cut to Donna Fingerneck]Donna Fingerneck: Today’s tape deals with diversity in the workplace. Have you ever gone to work and had a diverse person try to talk to you and you didn’t know where to look?
[Cut to Jodi Cork]Jodi Cork: Or have you ever accidentally offended a diverse person so much that you walked into a closet and stayed there the rest of the day? Even though every time someone got their coat, they saw you in there?
[Cut to Donna Fingerneck and Jodi Cork]Donna Fingerneck: Have you?
Jodi Cork: I have for sure.
Donna Fingerneck: And I did twice. So, I have more than once. Let’s watch this workplace simulation starring D’Angelo Tomae and T Harrison Cartel.
Jodi Cork: Will D’Angelo be able to work around T Harrison’s diversity?
Donna Fingerneck: Let’s view and see.
[Cut to D’Angelo and T Harrison]D’Angelo: I wonder who they’ll hire to fill the boss position.
T Harrison: They’ve already done it, and it’s me.
D’Angelo: Oh, no, no. That can’t be right. Let’s start over.
T Harrison: Well, we can’t. I’m here and that’s the way it is. Let’s have a good working relationship.
[T Harrison gives his hand to D’Angelo to shake]D’Angelo: I don’t know your handshakes. But I’ll try.
[T Harrison does her signature shake with clapping, finger snapping and dancing]T Harrison: I don’t like that. I’m going to my office to listen to Shawday and try to forget you.
[T Harrison leaves] [Cut to D’Angelo] [Cut to Donna Fingerneck and Jodi Cork]Donna Fingerneck: Did you see D’Angela went wrong? She’s over compensating too much. That makes her seem like a nervous bigot.
Jodi Cork: Or more.
Donna Fingerneck: She should make him feel welcome and appreciated by resting his chin on his shoulder and paying him a compliment.
Jodi Cork: Watch now as D’Angela puts this diversity truck in reverse-city.
Donna Fingerneck: See if you can spot the compliments she tells.
[cut to D’Angelo and T Harrison]T Harrison: These files have to be filed all the way. You think you can handle that?
D’Angelo: Yes, sir. But first, let me pay you a compliment.
T Harrison: All right, I would like that.
[D’Angelo gets behind T Harrison and puts her chin on T Harrison’s shoulder.]D’Angelo: Here it is and I mean that. I honestly bet you’re big down there.
T Harrison: Hmm, down there?
D’Angelo: Below your waist band, where your water comes out.
T Harrison: I am big down there. But that’s a stereotype for my wife to deal with. You’re almost fired.
[cut to Donna Fingerneck and Jodi Cork]Donna Fingerneck: Oh, D’Angela. What a mess. She’s got he’s inks all over her face.
Jodi Cork: She needs to do major damage control and out-diverse him.
Donna Fingerneck: Show up in a wheel chair and tell her you’re a lesbian.
Jodi Cork: But be ready to go through with it, both of it.
Donna Fingerneck: Let’s see if D’Angela can turn her prejudice into preju-dat’s better!
[Cut to Aidy bring D’Angelo to the office on a wheel chair. T Harrison is watching.]T Harrison: Wow, I didn’t know were a wheel chaired lesbian.
D’Angelo: Yes! For the rest of my life I think. Right honey?
Aidy: You know it.
[Cut to D’Angelo and Aidy kissing] [Cut to D’Angelo, T Harrison and Aidy]T Harrison: Wow. You’re even more diverse than me. You’re promoted.
[Todd walks in]Todd: [in gay voice] Hey! That promotion was for me.
T Harrison: Sorry Todd.
D’Angelo, T Harrison and Aidy: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
[Cut to Donna Fingerneck and Jodi Cork]Jodi Cork: Good job D’Angela and T Harrison. You really taught us something next level terrific.
[Jay walks in and stands behind Donna Fingerneck]Jay: Hi, ladies.
Donna Fingerneck: Oh, we have to go. Our dates are here. We are biracial couple.
[Beck walks in and puts his hand on Jodi Cork’s shoulder.]Beck: Hi, sweety!
Jodi Cork: And I don’t do that. Sorry.
Beck: Let’s all blow kisses.
[The couples kiss] [Ends with an outro]