Bobby Moynihan
Cecily Strong
Leslie Jones
Jan Crang… Aidy Bryant
Mrs. Dutt… Kate McKinnon
MC Strategy… Kyle Mooney
Gary… Kenan Thompson
Mary Bonom… Ronda Rousey
Pete Davidson.
[Starts with Bobby and Cecily at their desk]Bobby: Motion passes.
Cecily: Okay, so that concludes action items. We now begin the citizen’s forum and open the podium to the members of the community.
Bobby: As a reminder, swearing is prohibited. If you cannot express your opinion without using foul language, I encourage you to leave.
[Cut to Leslie at the podium]Leslie: Bye!
[Leslie leaves] [Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Bobby: Alright then, I guess we’ll start with you ma’am. Hello.
[Cut to Jan Crang at the podium]Jan Crang: Jan Crang, female, aged 47.
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Bobby: There is no need to state your age and sex, Ms. Crang. What is your concern?
[Cut to Jan Crang]Jan Crang: Well the teens have taken their mischief to the skies and I am talking about drones. I snatched this one out of the air when it whizzed over my backyard while I was sunbathing, and it’s little camera snapped some pics of me in my tanning trunks. They are supposed to be used on some kind of website called drone-milfs. Well, jokes on them. How can I be a milf when I don’t have any children? I move to ban these bots and free the drone milfs!
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Cecily: But we can’t ban drones but I suggest contacting a lawyer about unauthorized use of your picture.
[Cut to Jan Crang]Jan Crang: Thank you. Once again, Jan Crang. As in Cranga-tang!
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Cecily: Yes, we know. Thank you. Hello there, Mrs. Dutt. Back again so soon.
[Cut to Mrs. Dutt at the podium]Mrs. Dutt: Yes. I was banned from singing center agian. I’m here to ask for reinstatement.
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Bobby: Mrs. Dutt, this is the third time this month.
[Cut to Mrs. Dutt]Mrs. Dutt: That’s not my fault. I had a Rockstar energy drink that lit a fire under my taunt. I was playing monopoly with Ethal, and she bought Marvin’s gardens but I wanted Marvin’s gardens. So I said, “Well I want that!” But she refused! So I knocked her over the game and I started tearing the little red hood, teased everybody in the little activity’s room. And I pulled a fire alarm and I yelled, “I am the nightmare!”
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Bobby: Mrs. Dutt, I’m not gonna do this.
[Cut to Mrs. Dutt]Mrs. Dutt: I am not done. And then I ran outside and I claimed a tree. I grabbed some wasps nest and turned it into a zumba class.
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Bobby: Geez! Well, do you promise to stay away from Rockstar energy drink?
[Cut to Mrs. Dutt]Mrs. Dutt: If I told you yes, that would be a lie.
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Bobby: Well then, I’m sorry. Request denied.
[Cut to Mrs. Dutt]Mrs. Dutt: I understand.
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Bobby: Moving on. Hi there, young man. How are you?
[Cut to MC Strategy at the podium]MC Strategy: My name is MC Strategy. I’m originally from Holand but I’m here to spread dope beats on the cautious tip. [yelling]Real-Hip-Hop! As you know, next Sunday is the pop Warner’s youth football championship games. My question to you is, instead of star spankled banners, may I perform a four and half concert along side the rest of the Mythic Insight’s crew? Man styles, and DJ Liner?
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Cecily: I believe Caroline chew is going to sing the national anthem during the game.
[Cut to MC Strategy]MC Strategy: What if I promise to bring the Abstract thoughts?
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Cecily: Well, I would still say no.
[Cut to MC Strategy]MC Strategy: Right. Well, thank you for being part of the evolution. Please pick up my CD outside of the Papa Johns!
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Bobby: Definitely. Definitely will. Hi there, Mr. Lumus.
[Cut to Gary and Mary Bonom at the podium]Gary: Lu? Call me Gary. I’d like to introduce my good friend Mary Bonom. She’d like to apply for an event permit and I told her I’d help her out. Say some kind of tight with you guys.
Mary Bonom: Hi there. I want an old time traveling carnival in side show. I’d like to set my tents in your town square for two week engagement. My side show includes such human arteez as Tod, the lost Baldwin brother.
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Bobby: Oh. And what else do you have?
[cut to Gary and Mary Bonom]Mary Bonom: That’s it.
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Bobby: All your carnival has is ‘Tod the lost Baldwin brother’?
[Cut to Gary and Mary Bonom]Mary Bonom: Yeah.
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Bobby: I’m sorry. I think we’re gonna pass.
[Cut to Gary and Mary Bonom]Mary Bonom: Alright, cool. Thanks for your time.
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Cecily: Okay, yes. Hello there, young man.
[Cut to Pete at the podium]Pete: Um, wad up? I lost a drone. Anybody turning one in?
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Cecily: Do you for chance have a website called drone-milfs?
[Cut to Pete]Pete: Yeah! It’s dope, right?
[Cut to Bobby and Cecily]Bobby: Yeah, but the search bar is hard to find and when you create an account you should be able to save your favorites, but we do not have your drone. And it looks like we are out of time. Meeting adjourned. Drive save, everybody!
[The End]