Co-pilot… Pete Davidson
Leslie Jones[Starts with a video clip of a flying airplane]
Pilot: Um, hey there folks. We’ve reached increasing altitude which means I’ll turn off the seat-belt sign. [Cut to four people in the airplane] Welcome aboard our newest jet, the Virgin Dream Liner. [Cut to the cockpit] The seats are softer. There is more leg room. And it’s big and as spacious as your living room. [laughing]
As a special treat, those in first class will enjoy the services of the airline industry’s first fully automated flight attendants.[Cut to the first class. The door opens and the automated flight attendants walk in.]
Scarlett: Welcome aboard.
Venessa: Thank you for flying Virgin Atlantic.
Pilot: These bionic ladies can do everything a human crew can do [cut to cockpit] except complain that their feet hurt. [laughing] [Co-pilot shakes his head]
That sounded a little sexist. I certainly did not mean it to. My apologies. Sit back, relax, enjoy the flight.[Cut to Venessa serving Bobby]
Venessa: Welcome aboard. On your service tablet, you ordered a Sprite. Is that correct?
Venessa: I’m having trouble hearing. Can you speak clearly and into my face? My microphone is in my face.
Bobby: [leaning towards Venessa’s face] Yes!
Venessa: Okay. We’re all set. Here’s your Sprite. Happy Halloween.
Bobby: Halloween? It’s May.
Venessa: Good bye![Cut to Scarlett serving Aidy]
Scarlett: Hi, on your touch screen under ‘Treat yourself’, you requested one blanket. Would you like me to place one blanket in your hand or in your leg?
Aidy: Um, in my hands please.
Scarlett: I’m sorry. I’m having trouble hearing you. Can you speak clearly and loudly into my face?
Aidy: [standing and leaning towards Scarlett] In my hands.
Scarlett: I’m sorry. One more time.
Aidy: [standing and leaning towards Scarlett] [yelling] Hands, woman! Hands!
Scarlett: Okay, great! Here is your blanket. What will you be for Halloween this year?
Scarlett: I’m going as Red riding hood from Into the Woods.
Aidy: Well, it’s not Halloween.
Scarlett: Happy Halloween. Good bye.[Cut to cockpit]
Pilot: Um, hey there folks. For those of you in first class, you may have noticed that automated flight crew think it’s Halloween. Just a little hiccup in the system. They’re running on last October’s program. Their technology is very advanced but also very new. So, we appreciate your patience.[Cut to the first class. Scarlett and Venessa are throwing the towels to the passengers.
Scarlett and Venessa: Hot towel. Hot towel. Hot towel. Hot towel.
Venessa: Bien bonito, good bye.[Cut to the cockpit]
Co-pilot: Um, I think the whole towel thing is happening again.
Pilot: Oh! Hey, there, folks. Sorry for these inconveniences. These girls are a little stubborn much like real women.
Pilot: Yeah, that most definitely was sexist and I truly do apologize. Did not mean it that way at all.[Cut to Venessa serving Jay]
Venessa: Hello. You ordered 38 boxes of animal crackers. [Jay is shaking his head] Here are your animal crackers.
Jay: Ay, no![Venessa starts pouring the boxes on Jay]
I didn’t! I didn’t! I didn’t order no crackers.[Cut to Bobby using his phone. Scarlett walks to him.]
Scarlett: [takes Bobby’s phone away] Your phone is not on airplane mode. Your phone is not on airplane mode.
Bobby: No, it is. It is.[Scarlett walks to Aidy]
Scarlett: [picking up Aidy’s purse] Thank you for your trash.
Aidy: Wait! That’s my purse, robot![Scarlett walks away] [Venessa walks up to Leslie]
Venessa: Hello, you indicated on your service tablet that you are a child who is flying alone and scared.
Leslie: No, I didn’t. I’m a grown ass woman.
Venessa: How about a Soda-pop as a special treat?
Leslie: No, I’m good.[Venessa throws a glass at Leslie then starts pouring the soda on her pants.]
Hey! Man!This is Lane Bryant!
Venessa: Adios Amigo! Good bye.[Cut to Scarlett and Bobby. Scarlett is making sound on Bobby’s ear.]
Bobby: Are you okay? Okay, I think this one’s broken![Cut to Pilot]
Pilot: Um, to all the first class passengers, I’d just like to sincerely apologize on behalf of Virgin. It says here that one of our flight attendants is full on broken. [Cut to Pilot and Venessa. Venessa is sitting on Co-pilot’s seat.] And it also looks like the other one has made her way into the cockpit. Not quite sure what she did to my co-pilot. But, um, while I find out, we’re gonna make an emergency landing in Phoenix, get our ducks in a row. Hey, thanks for flying with us. And happy Halloween. [laughing] [The End]