Matty… Chris Hemsworth
Mark… Taran Killam
Coach… Beck Bennett
Jon Rudnitsky[Starts with Disney Channel intro]
Female voice: You’re watching Disney Channel. [A girl and a gold fish as her dad appears] Later, Trish flushes her dad down the toilet on the season finale of My Dad, The Fish. But first, it’s time for a brand new episode of ‘Brother 2 Brother’.[Brother 2 brother intro]
Intro song: It’s Brother 2 Brother
who are there for each other
in every possible way-ay-ay
through thick and through thin
to help you get through the day-ey
Matty: Mark, there you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.
Marky: What’s going on, Matty? Everything, a-okay?
Matty: No, everything’s F-not okay. I have the big wrestling meet tonight and I’m nervous I’m gonna beef it.
Marky: But you’re the best wrestler in this state.
Matty: And the biggest worry word.
Matty and Marky: Oh, brothers!
Matty: I have an idea. Let’s switch places. You wrestle for me and in exchange I’ll do your chores for a whole week.
Marky: Um, even the dishes?
Matty: Of course!
Marky: Even giving daddy his massage?
Matty: I promise.
Marky: Then it’s a deal.
Matty and Marky: A twin deal.[Cut to the wrestling coach giving prep talk to the wrestlers]
Coach: Alright team, focus up. The big wrestling meet is today and everything’s on the line. So, remember what I taught you. Don’t let them pin you, you’ve gotta pin them. Hey, wait! Where’s our star wrestler Matty?[Marky runs in on wrestling outfit]
Marky: Here I am coach. I’m here ready to wrestle and win, coz I’m Matty, your star wrestler Matty. That’s me. [winks]
Coach: You’re not Matty. You’re Marky. Matty is like, may bigger and has way more muscles. And I wanna say he’s not as pale. Plus he has that hard deep ravine thing between his packs. You know, when you’re packs are so huge, you get that ravine. You don’t really have that. You just sort of have like hairy flatness up here.[Marky is feeling embarrassed]
Marky: Well, looks like the jig is up.
Coach: Plus your arms are sort of hanging to your sides like that. Matty’s arms are much bigger and they’re pushed out coz of all muscles he has like, right here. [showing the back] You don’t really have muscles here. You just have like, soft clumps of skin.
Marky: Oh-oh! Looks like the jig–
Coach: Also, when Matty sweats [Marky looks very embarrassed] he gets like, be the sweat. It just sort of rolls slowly down his stomach. But I think your stomach just sort of gets wet in circle.
Marky: Yeah, I know.[Cut to Kyle in the wrestling squad raising his hand]
Kyle: Coach! I have one.
Coach: Yea, great, go ahead Tommy.
Kyle: Ya, I noticed in the shower that Marky, you have like a thick coat of hair on your feet and Matty doesn’t have that.[Cut to Marky and Coach]
Coach: You’re right. Good call. Matty’s feet are great. They actually look more like hands in your hand zoo.
Marky: No, that’s specific, coach. I guess–[Cut to Pete in the wrestling squad raising his hand]
Pete: Also, Matty has a bigger and more muscular butt.[Cut to Marky]
Marky: Okay![Cut to Pete]
Pete: But like, your butt has a bigger, I wanna say, crack?[Cut to Marky and Coach]
Marky: Yeah, that’s enough. I guess, the jig is up. Matty, come on out.[Matty walks in. He’s also wearing the wrestling outfit.]
Matty: Hi coach. It’s me, the real Matty.
Coach: No doubt.
Matty: I’m sorry we lied. Lying is bad.
Coach: Just promise me you’ll never try this again.
Marky: We sure won’t. Because we learned our twin lesson.
Coach: No, no, I mean don’t try it again coz it won’t work. I mean, look at you. The two of you side by side right now, it’s insane. I mean, Marky, stand behind Matty I bet you’d completely disappear.
Marky: Oh, that’s okay coach. Coz we’ve both learned our twin lesson.
Coach: No, no, just do it. I wanna see it. You stand behind him like that.[Marky stands behind Matty. He can’t be seen.] [Cut to the wrestlers]
Kyle: Wow! We can’t even see him Marky.
Jon: You are so much smaller.[Cut to Matty. Marky is standing behind him.]
Matty: What are you talking about? We’re[Marky peeks out]
Matty and Marky: Identical twins.
Coach: Okay, yeah. But just look down for a second. You have that deep V thing going on. And you see, Marky, he just sort of has an O. You know? You see, it sort of looks like an O right here, big circle. Marky, I know you can’t be but you look like you’re 10-12 weeks pregnant right now.
Marky: Matty tried to kiss me last night.
Matty: What?[Cut to close shot of Marky]
Marky: He didn’t. I tried to kiss him… in his sleep. [sobbing] [The video stops and credit appears] [The End]