Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 15: Episode 1
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
September 30th, 1989
Bruce Willis
Neil Young
None
Tom Davis
A Message From the White HouseSummary: President Bush (Dana Carvey) addresses the nation on his family’s events over the summer.
Recurring Characters: President George Bush.
Transcript
Montage
Bruce Willis’ MonologueSummary: Ex-caterer Bruce Willis is back, and sings “Pep Talk” with the SNL Band.
Bio: Bruce Willis (1955-), whose four-year run on ABC’s detective series, “Moonlighting”, ended just a few months before his SNL hosting, catapulted to fame after starring in the film “Die Hard.” He was married to Demi Moore until the year 2000, and occasionally records blues albums.
Transcript
thirtysomething CerealSummary: Relieves the drama that starts your morning.
Airplane TerroristsSummary: While on an airplane, Dave (Bruce Willis) entertains passengers with his constant quips. He continues to do so even as the airplane is hijacked by a group of terrorists, whose leader (Phil Hartman) is willing to kill as many passengers as necessary to get the quips to stop.
Transcript
Neil Young performs “Rockin’ in the Free World”Bio: Rocker Neil Young (1945-) was a member of Buffalo Springfield in the 1960’s, and occasionally performed with Crosby, Stills & Nash (he wrote the song “Ohio” while with the group) during the 1970’s. As a solo performer, Young has also been backed regularly by the band Crazy Horse. His full name is Neil Percival Kenneth Robert Ragland Young.
Also Performed: 92h, 99r, 05i.
Lyrics
SprocketsSummary: Dieter (Mike Myers) welcomes Jimmy Stewart (Dana Carvey) to the show. Jimmy reads a collection of his poems, which sound cute and innocent until he reveals the dark backstories behind them.
Recurring Characters: Dieter, Jimmy Stewart.
Transcript
Donahue Promo ISummary: In a display of his desperate bid for topics, Phil Donahue (Phil Hartman) announces that women who name their breasts will be on his next show.
Recurring Characters: Phil Donahue.
Transcript
Weekend Update with Dennis MillerSummary: Imelda Marcos (Nora Dunn) wants to get rid of her dead husband’s body. Following SNL’s 15th anniversary special, Dennis Miller shows off clips from tonight’s episode. A. Whitney Brown delivers a Big Picture commentary on the issue of flag-burning.
Recurring Characters: Imelda Marcos.
Home Improvement with the Anal-Retentive CarpenterSummary: Anal-retentive Gene (Phil Hartman) never gets around to constructing a window frame once he’s sidetracked by the disposal of a board with an ugly knot in it.
Recurring Characters: Anal-Retentive Gene.
Transcript
Wayne’s WorldSummary: Wayne (Mike Myers) and Garth (Dana Carvey) are psyched to welcome Aurora High’s coolest senior, Rick (Bruce Willis), to the show. In addition to unveiling the new cool word for the school year, Rick makes a prank call to Wayne’s mom (Nora Dunn), who’s throwing a party upstairs.
Recurring Characters: Wayne Campbell, Garth Algar, Mrs. Campbell, Nancy.
Transcript
Neil Young performs “Needle & The Damage Done”
Neil Young performs “No More”
Bruce Willis: The Man and His MusicSummary: All of Bruce Willis’ product jingles sound exactly the same, but fulfill the goal of supporting his extravagent lifestyle.
Donahue Promo IISummary: Still desperate for topics, Phil Donahue (Phil Hartman) announces that shoelaces that get caught inside the shoe will be the focus of his next show.
Recurring Characters: Phil Donahue.
Transcript
Johnny’s ReplacementSummary: 40’s actor Johnny O’Connor (Phil Hartman) is upstaged by newcomer Marty Murphy (Bruce Willis).
Recurring Characters: Johnny O’Connor, Harry Meyer.
GoodnightsTranscript
