SNL Transcripts: Lily Tomlin: 11/22/75: Beetoven I



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 6




75f: Lily Tomlin

Beetoven I

Beethoven…John Belushi
Beethoven’s Wife…Gilda Radner
Frieda…Laraine Newman

[Open on a close-up of Ludwig von Beethoven’s hands as he plays somber music on the piano. Dissolve to shot of Beethoven sitting at the piano. The camera zooms out to show his wife arranging the flowers in the vase on the piano. Beethoven pauses and uses a quill to write on the music sheet in front of him. Frieda enters with a tray of food]

Frieda: I brought your husband’s dinner, Mrs. Beethoven.

Beethoven’s Wife: Oh, Frieda, I’m so worried about him. He’s been working so hard. He hasn’t eaten for days. Look, he hasn’t even touched his breakfast. [Beethoven resumes playing] Ludwig, you must eat. [She taps Beethoven on the cheek]

Beethoven: [Stops playing and turns to wife] Good morning! Nice to see you! [Resumes playing]

Beethoven’s Wife and Frieda: [Putting their hands to their cheeks] Ugh! [Both exit. SFX: Door closing]

[After the door closes, Beethoven pauses for a second, then begins playing much brighter notes. He listens to his playing for a moment, then nods his head to indicate he likes what he hears. He suddenly begins playing “Tie a Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Old Oak Tree.”]

[Applause and fade]

Submitted by: John Ravetti

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Lily Tomlin: 11/22/75: Beetoven II



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 6



75f: Lily Tomlin

Beetoven II

Beethoven…..John Belushi
Beethoven’s Wife…..Gilda Radner
Frieda…..Laraine Newman

[Open on Beethoven playing piano. His wife and another woman, Frieda, enter.]

Beethoven’s Wife: Look, Frieda, he hasn’t even touched his food. [Leans in in an attempt to get her husband’s attention] Liebchen, you must be careful. You must eat. YOU MUST EAT! [Taps Beethoven on the cheek]

Beethoven: [Stops playing and turns to wife] Good morning! Nice to see you! [Resumes playing]

Frieda: All he asks for is his snuff box.

Beethoven’s Wife: It’s raining outside, and he doesn’t even know it. [She and Frieda put their hands to their cheeks] Oh! [Both exit]

[Beethoven plays the opening four notes to his Fifth Symphony, shakes his head and gradually changes the notes until they become the opening to The Temptations’ “My Girl”]

Beethoven: [singing]
“I got sunshine
On a cloudy day.
When it’s cold outside,
I got the month of May.

I guess you’ll say
What can make me feel this way?
Fräulein, fräulein…”

[Applause and fade as he continues]

Submitted by: John Ravetti

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Lily Tomlin: 11/22/75: Beetoven III



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 6




75f: Lily Tomlin

Beetoven III

Beethoven…..John Belushi
Beethoven’s Wife…..Gilda Radner
Frieda…..Laraine Newman

[Open on Beethoven playing piano. His wife and Frieda enter.]

Beethoven’s Wife: Look at him, Frieda. He hasn’t touched his food.

Frieda: Oh, he hasn’t eaten in weeks. He has no appetite.

Beethoven’s Wife: Ludwig? Ludwig! Dumbkopf! [Pushes Beethoven’s head to get his attention]

Beethoven: [Stops playing and turns to wife] Good morning! Nice to see you two!

Beethoven’s Wife: [Grasps Beethoven’s chin] Call if you need me. [She and Frieda turn to each other] Ugh! [Both exit]

[Beethoven pauses and takes two hits from his snuff box]

Beethoven: Ah-choo.

[He puts on a pair of sunglasses and plays Ray Charles’ “What’d I Say?”, singing and swaying like Charles]

Beethoven: [singing]
“Oh, mama, don’t you treat me wrong
Come and love your daddy all night long
Hey hey, what’d I say?
What’d I say now? Hey baby, what’d I say?”

[Wife and Frieda run in]

Beethoven’s Wife: What’d you say? [She and Frieda join Beethoven in singing]

Beethoven:
“I said Hey! (Hey?)
Ho! (Ho?)
Hey (Hey?), Ho (Ho?)
Hey (Hey?), Ho (Ho?)

Baby, it’s all right (Baby, it’s all right)
Baby, it’s all right (Baby, it’s all right)
Baby, it’s all right (Baby, it’s all right)
Baby, it’s all right (Baby, it’s all right)
Yeah, it’s all right. Baby, what’d I say? (Ahhh, baby, it’s all right)

Tell your mama, tell your pa
Gonna send you back to Arkansas
Hey hey (Bop-shoo-bop, bop-bop-shoo-bop)
What’d I say? (Bop-shoo-bop, bop-bop-shoo-bop)
What’d I say now? Hey baby, what’d I say? (ahhh, baby, what’d I say?)”

[Applause and fade]

Submitted by: John Ravetti

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Lily Tomlin: 11/22/75: Interracial Couple



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 6




75f: Lily Tomlin

Interracial Couple

Room Service…..Chevy Chase
Miss Gibson…..Jane Curtin
Black Man…..Garrett Morris

[ open on Black Man and White Woman (Miss Gibson) making out on the couch in a Southern hotel room ]

[ a knock is heard at the door ]

Room Serivce: [ enters room carrying newspaper ] Sunday paper, Miss Gibson. [ notices Miss Gibson and Black Man making out ] Oh. I’m terribly sorry, I.. I didn’t realize.. I’ll come back with it later.. No problem, there.. [ parts of the paper slide out from uner his arms and spill to the floor; he awkwardly attempts to pick them up, dropping other parts of the paper in the process ] You enjoying your stay here.. at the Atlanta house..? [ spills more of the paper, scrambles to collect it up ] I’ll just bring this back around lunchtime.. We bring a lunch up, as usual, Miss Gibson.. and.. you’ve seen the Starlight Room, I know..

Miss Gibson: Yes. I’ve seen it, yes.

Room Serivce: I’m sure you can get him in there.. [ continues to fumble with the paper ] It won’t be any problem right now.. I’ll be getting out of here.. right out of your way, now.. and hope you will be coming back to the hotel.. [ reaches the door, spilling more parts of the paper ] Sorry. Thank you. No problem at all.. Sorry. [ exits room, then re-enters to grab one last piece of the paper from the floor ] The real estate section here.. [ exits room for good ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: George Carlin: 10/11/75: The Impossible Truth



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 1




75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian

The Impossible Truth

Interviewer … Albert Brooks

[Background music throughout: cheesy, pompous newsreelmusic. Superimposed title: The Impossible Truth. Cutto a globe and a superimposed text which scrolls pastas a cheesy, pompous newsreel narrator reads it:]

Narrator: For years, people have been searching forthe truth. Some have been astounded at finding truth.And some never find it and are still astounded. THEIMPOSSIBLE TRUTH scans the globe looking for theevents that will astound everybody; thereby bringingus all closer together. [Cut to a spinning newspaper(“Impossible Truth News”) which eventually stopsspinning to reveal its headline: CABBIE GOES BLINDSTILL DRIVES; Cut to taxi cab parked at curb of NewYork City street] New York cab driver, temporarilyblinded, still puts in forty-five hour week! [Musicout. Camera tracks forward to close-up of cab driverwho wears dark glasses; an offscreen interviewer callsout to him:]

Interviewer: Excuse me!

Cab Driver: [looks the wrong way] Hm?

Interviewer: Sir? [cabbie turns to camera] Yes, howdid this happen to you?

Cab Driver: Well, I was takin’ a fare to one o’ thosemovie premieres, you know? You know them bigspotlights?

Interviewer: Where they have the lights in the sky?

Cab Driver: Yeah.

Interviewer: Yeah, right.

Cab Driver: I always wondered how they get ’em sobright so I went and stared into it.

Interviewer: Yeah?

Cab Driver: Yeah.

Interviewer: Stared into the light?

Cab Driver: Yeah.

Interviewer: For how long?

Cab Driver: About a half an hour.

Interviewer: Yeah?

Cab Driver: The doctor says it’s only temporary, mysight’ll probably come back.

Interviewer: Oh, that’s good. And yet you still drive?

Cab Driver: Damn right I still drive! What should Ido? Sit home and collect welfare? I know these streetslike the back of my hand.

Interviewer: Yeah?

Cab Driver: That’s right.

Interviewer: Well, congratulations.

Cab Driver: Thank you.

Interviewer: Yeah.

[A woman gets in the back of the cab.]

Woman: [to the driver] Fifty-sixth and Madison.

Cab Driver: [to the interviewer] Gotta go now, pal.Got a fare.

Interviewer: Okay.

Cab Driver: [to the passenger] Any cars in front of us?!

Woman: No.

[Cab pulls into traffic. Honking horns artfully segueto more pompous music. Cut to another spinningnewspaper with headline: ISRAEL AND GEORGIA TRADEPLACES; Cut to a press conference where, beneath theirrespective flags, an Israeli and a Georgian sit at atable surrounded by journalists and photographers,signing papers]

Narrator: In an unprecedented move to ease worldtensions, the country of Israel and the state ofGeorgia have agreed to change places. The entire stateof Georgia — residents, businesses, all forms ofcommerce — will relocate in the Middle East onJanuary 1st, 1977. No buildings will be moved. It willbe an even property exchange. [Music out.]

Israeli: This is indeed an auspicious occasion of thetwentieth century and I hope that New Orleans will beeasier to deal with than Cairo. [applause]

Georgian: I know – I know that my entire state islooking forward to heat without humidity. [applause]

[Pompous music. Cut to another newspaper: AGE OFCONSENT LOWERED TO SEVEN IN OREGON; Cut to arestaurant where a thirtyish advertising man in a loudcheckered jacket sits at a table with a cute six orseven year old girl who eats a salad. In thebackground, other men sit with young girls.]

Narrator: In a sweeping majority vote, thisprogressive state has decided to lower the age ofconsent from eighteen to seven. Businesses of alltypes report a surge in activity. [Music out.]

Ad Man: [to the girl] Actually, uh, I’m in – I’m inadvertising. Here, I’ll show ya, this is my companyhere. [shows girl his business card]

Girl: I can’t read yet.

Ad Man: Oh, well, this says that I’m in charge ofcasting. I cast a lot of people, you know, likeyourself.

Girl: Mm hm.

Ad Man: You have very nice cheekbones.

Interviewer: [off screen] Excuse me, sir. I’m with”The Impossible Truth” — do you live in this area?

Ad Man: No, I’m from L.A.

Interviewer: Ah! Who’s your date?

Ad Man: It’s just someone I’m talking to here.

Interviewer: Let me ask you something–

Ad Man: Why don’t you just leave us for a littlewhile, huh?

Interviewer: All right.

Ad Man: [to the girl] Uh, I’m staying, uh, at the Inn,you know, out by the airport there.

Girl: Yeah?

Ad Man: Maybe, I don’t know if you have time …

Narrator: Although “The Impossible Truth” airs what itmust, some things it airs disgusts it. [Pompous music.Cut to another newspaper: THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH PEEKSINTO THE FUTURE; Cut to a woman swimming in a pool]While you are viewing this, “The Impossible Truth”continues to investigate new leads. Like the woman whoswims twenty-four hours a day every day of her life.[Cut to man eating a hard-boiled egg] Or the man whocan eat a thousand eggs. [Cut to a bespectacled manwith a magazine, moving his lips as he reads it] Orthe genius with an I.Q. of over two hundred and forty.[Cut to the globe and another superimposed text whichthe narrator reads:] It should be known that THEIMPOSSIBLE TRUTH is a fully copyrighted feature.Infringement of that copyright can lead to a long andcostly legal battle that we will win. As for now, THEIMPOSSIBLE TRUTH continues to scan the globe. [Cut tofinal newspaper with headline reading: THE END]

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: George Carlin: 10/11/75: Weekend Update with Chevy Chase



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 1







75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian

Weekend Update with Chevy Chase

…..Chevy Chase
…..Laraine Newman

Announcer: From Saturday Night news headquarters, this is Weekend Update, with Chevy Chase.

Chevy Chase: [ talking into the telephone ] What are you wearing right now? [ smiles ] No bathrobe? [ notices the audience, hangs up telephone ] Good evening, I’m Chevy Chase!

Our top story tonight: dedication ceremonies for the new Teamsters Union Headquarters building took place today in Detroit, where Union President Fitzsimmons was reported to have said that former President Jimmy Hoffa will always be a cornerstone in the organization.

Now, world leaders in the news: Japan Emperor Hirohito met Mickey Mouse at Disneyland this week. The Emperor presented Mickey with a Hirohito wristwatch.

Dateline: Washington. At a press conference Thursday night, President Ford blew his nose. Alert Secret Service agents seized his handkerchief and wrestled it to the ground.

And, yesterday, in Washington, President Ford bumped his head three times getting into his helicopter. The CIA immediately denied reports that it had deliberately lowered the top of the doorway.

And, Ford was on the campaign trail, announcing in Detroit that he has written his own campaign slogan. The slogan? “If He’s So Dumb, How Come He’s President?”

The Post Office announced today — [ looks around, lost ] Just a second, I lost my place. [ shuffles his papers ] Oh! The Post Office announced today that it is going to issue a stamp commemorating prostitution in the United States. It’s a ten-cent stamp, but if you want to lick it, it’s a quarter.

Chevy Chase: Murder at the Blaine Hotel again. For a live report, let’s go to Laraine Newman in midtown Manhatten, at the Blaine hotel. Laraine?

Laraine Newman: [ over the sounds of sirens in the background ] Chevy, I’m standing outside a room on the 15th floor of the Blaine Hotel, where number 38 in a series of grizzly and bizarre murders has occurred just over an hour ago. [ pan down to reveal three legs, each with a yellow sock on the foot, covered by a sheet and poking out of the doorway ] The motive, again – murder, as it has been in the previous 37 slashings. In a fit of pique, the Mayor has called the Blaine Hotel a pockmark on the neck of midtown Manhatten. Once again, grizzly death and murder in the Blaine Hotel. Laraine Newman, reporting.

Chevy Chase: Still to come: Earthquake Claims San Diego, Four Million Die in Turkey, and Arlene Visits an Art Museum.

[ dissolve to ad parody for Triopenin ]

[ dissolve to Blaine Hotel ad card ]

Announcer: Guests of NBC Saturday Night stay at the fabulous Blaine Hotel in midtown Manhatten. The Blaine, a tradition for more than half a century.

Chevy Chase: Our final story tonight concerns the birth of a baby sandpiper at the Washington Zoo. It’s the first such birth in captivity on record. The pip made its debut at 9:18 this morning, weighing in at just under fourteen grams, and, according to zoo officials, resembled its mother quite closely. The name given our fuzzy little friend? Simply “Pip”. One humourous note: the bird was stepped on and crushed to death this afternoon by Goggles, the baby hippo born in captivity last Wednesday.

Well, that’s news this evening. This is Chevy Chase saying, good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

[ Chevy quickly redials his phone, as we fade ]

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: George Carlin: 10/11/75: Wolverines



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 1






75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian

Wolverines

Written by: Michael O’Donoghue

Professor…..Michael O’Donoghue
European Immigrant…..John Belushi
Stage Manager…..Chevy Chase

[ Open to a small room with two men sitting in chairs ]

Professor: Let us begin. Repeat after me.

[ European Immigrant in tight-mouthed concentration, nods ]

Professor: I would like…..

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] I would like….

Professor: ….to feed your fingertips….

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent] ….to feed yur fingerteeps….

Professor: …to the wolverines.

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] ….to de wolver-eenes.

Professor: Next, I am afraid….

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] I em afred…

Professor: …we are out…

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] …we are out…

Professor: …of badgers.

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] …of badjurs.

Professor: Would you accept…

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] Would you accept…

Professor: …a wolverine…

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] …a wolver-eene…

Professor: …in it’s place?

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] …een es place.

Professor: Next, “Hey,” Ned exclaimed…

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] “Hey,” Ned asclaimed…

Professor: “let’s boil…

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] “let’s boil…

Professor: …the wolverines.”

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] …the wolver-eenes.”

Professor: Next…

[ The Professor suddenly gasps, clutches his chest, and falls off his chair to the floor, obviously stricken with a heart attack. The Immigrant looks puzzled for a moment, then repeats the Professors gasp, clutches his chest, and throws himself on the floor. ]

[ Stage Manager enters the scene, peers at the two lifeless figures and looks into the camera and smiles. ]

Stage Manager: Live from New York.. it’s Saturday Night!

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Paul Simon: 10/18/75



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 2


This free script provided by http://javascriptkit.com]]>








Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:



Special Guests:



A Film By:

Cameos:







October 18th, 1975

Paul Simon

Randy Newman

Phoebe Snow

Art Garfunkel

The Muppets

Albert Brooks

Jesse Dixon Singers

Jerry Rubin

Marv Albert

Connie Hawkins

Bill Bradley



Season 1: Order Now!free website hit counter Paul Simon sings “Still Crazy After All These Years”Note: Chevy Chase performs his first opening fall at the end of Paul Simon’s number.

Note: After last week’s overpacked premiere episode, Saturday Night Live takes it easy by providing almost nothing but musical appearances for this episode. The cast was understandably not pleased.

Bio: Paul Simon (1941-) Singer-songwriter; teamed as Tom & Jerry with Art Garfunkel during the 1950’s, partnered as Simon & Garfunkel through 1970’s Bridge Over Troubled Water album; solo singing-songwriting career ever since; remained good friends with Lorne Michaels and Chevy Chase over the years; appeared as record producer Tony Lacey in “Annie Hall” (1977); married to actress Carrie Fisher from 1983-84; met singer Edie Brickell backstage at SNL in 1990, married two years later.

Also Hosted: 76h, 85p, 87h.

Also Performed: 77d, 79n, 86e, 90f, 92t, 94d, 00d, 05r.

Montage

Paul Simon & Jesse Dixon Singers perform “Loves Me Like A Rock”Bio: Led by esteemed gospelist Jesse Dixon (1938-); group performed back-up on Paul Simon’s 1974 concert album, Live Rhymin’.

Up Against the WallpaperSummary: Jerry Rubin pitches grafitti wallpaper.

Bio: Jerry Rubin (1938-94). Social activist; high-profile during the 1960’s and 1970’s; organized the Vietnam Day Committee to protest the Vietnam War; disrupted the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago as part of the infamous Chicago Seven.

Transcript

Paul Simon performs “Marie”

Randy Newman performs “Sail Away”Bio: Randy Newman (1943-). Singer-songwriter; wrote the hit “Mama Told Me Not to Come” for Three Dog Night in the early 1970’s; some of his best-loved early songs were those of a comic nature, such as 1978’s “Short People”; began composing film scores later in his career.

Also Performed: 75b, 77i, 79f, 82n, 86f, 88c.

The BeesSummary: Paul Simon informs the Bees that their number was cut from the show.

Recurring Characters: Bees.

Transcript

Weekend Update with Chevy ChaseSummary: Sports reporter Marv Albert is on the scene as Paul Simon goes one-on-one with Connie Hawkins on the basketball court.

Bio: Connie Hawkins (1942-). Athlete; played for the Phoenix Suns, 1969-73; played for the Atlanta Hawks, 1974-76; inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame in 1992.

Bio: Marv Albert (1940-). Sportscaster; “The voice of the New York Knicks”, 1967-2004; for years, presented sports bloopers clips referred to as the “Albert Achievement Awards” on David Letterman’s talk shows; in 1997, received a twelve-month suspended sentence for misdemeanor assault and battery charges.

Cameos: 83t, 93p

Transcript

Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel perform “The Boxer” & “Scarborough Fair”

Paul Simon performs “My Little Town”Note: Simon & Garfunkel reunited in real-life to record this single for Garfunkel’s current album, Breakaway.

Art Garfunkel performs “I Only Have Eyes For You”Bio: Art Garfunkel (1941-). Singer/actor; teamed as Tom & Jerry with Art Garfunkel during the 1950’s, partnered as Simon & Garfunkel through 1970’s Bridge Over Troubled Water album; as solo artist, relied heavily on other songrwriters, though he had his fair share of hits; light acting career included co-starring with Jack Nicholson in “Carnal Knowledge.”

Hosted: 77m.

Cameo: 86e.

The MuppetsSummary: Ploobis & Scred seek financial help from the Mighty Favog.

Albert Brooks FilmSummary: Albert Brooks presents his traumatic home movies and failed Candid Camera stunts.

Phoebe Snow performs “No Regrets” Bio: Phoebe Snow (1952-). Singer-songwriter; the poetry she wrote as a teenager eventually became her first songs as a jazz-scat vocalist.

Also Performed: 75r, 78s.

Paul Simon, Phoebe Snow, & Jesse Dixon Singers perform “Gone at Last”

Try-Hard 1-11Summary: A battery strong enough to run a pacemaker all night.

Transcript

Paul Simon performs “American Tune”

GoodnightsBio: Bill Bradley (1943-). Athlete/politician; played for the New York Knicks, 1967-77; elected to the Basketball Hall of Fame in 1982; U.S. State Senator for New Jersey, 1979-97; attempted a run for the presidency in 2000.

Cameos: 95d.

Transcript

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SNL Transcripts: Paul Simon: 10/18/75: The Bees



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 2



75b: Paul Simon / Art Garfunkel, Randy Newman, Phoebe Snow, Jesse Dixon Singers

The Bees

…..Paul Simon
…..Jane Curtin
…..Dan Aykroyd
…..John Belushi

[FADE IN on Paul Simon clapping onstage while the entire cast, dressed in bee costumes, gathers behind him.]

Paul Simon: We’ll be back… we’ll be in a moment with, uh–

[He turns around and notices the Bees.]

Paul Simon: Oh, my goodness! I’m really sorry, the Bees number’s cut!

Jane Curtin: What?

Dan Aykroyd: Aw, shucks!

Paul Simon: It didn’t work last week. It’s cut. I’m sorry.

[The forlorn Bees walk offstage.]

John Belushi: Okay.

[Belushi backs off with his palms upraised and a tense smile. FADE to black as Simon watches the others walk away.]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Paul Simon: 10/18/75: Goodnights



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 2



75b: Paul Simon / Art Garfunkel, Randy Newman, Phoebe Snow, Jesse Dixon Singers

Goodnights

…..Paul Simon
…..Bill Bradley

Paul Simon: I just want to take this opportunity to thank, uh, all the guests who were on the show – Phoebe, and, uh, Randy Newman, who I never met and this was my opportunity to meet him, I was very happy to do so. And, of course, I want to thank Art Garfunkel, uh, the film by Albert Brooks, The Muppets, Chevy Chase, and, uh – have I forgotten anybody?

[ Bill Bradley suddenly appears in the background, carrying a huge basketball trophy ]

Paul Simon: I – I hope not — the Bees! I forgot the Bees!

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Bill Bradley, of the New York Knicks!

[ the audience cheers as Bradley steps forward and towers over a surprised Simon ]

Paul Simon: Oh! Oh. Oh. [ he mimes a jump shot towards the top of the trophy ]

Bill Bradley: For one-on-one players everywhere, I present you with this trophy. Congratulations!

[ Bradley hands Simon the oversized trophy, which nearly drops Simon to the floor ]

Paul Simon: I’d just like to say, if Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is watching, most of this week — most — [ Simon loses his grip on the trophy, nearly stabbing Bradley’s chest with it ] Ooh! I’m sorry, Bill. Most of this week, I’ve been, uh – I have been practicing going to my right! So this film can be very misleading about going to the left. I just wanted to say: I’m ready! Good night. Thank you.

[ Simon places the trophy onto the stage floor and shakes Bradley’s hand ]

Announcer: The Muppets are Frank Oz, Jerry Nelson, Richard Hunt and Jim Henson. Next week on “NBC Saturday Night”, Rob Reiner will be your host. Joining Rob will be The Lockers, Penny Marshall, Jim Henson and his Muppets, another film from Albert Brooks, and a variety of music and comedy entertainment. Don’t miss Rob Reiner, next week on “NBC Saturday Night.” This is Don Pardo, saying, “This is Don Pardo, saying, ‘This is Don Pardo, speaking.'” Your announcer this evening has been Don Pardo. Maybe next week, I’ll sing.

SNL Transcripts