SNL Transcripts: Judge Reinhold: 02/27/88



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 13: Episode 13


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:


February 27th, 1988

Judge Reinhold

10,000 Maniacs

None

G.E. Smith

Tom Davis
Pumping Up With Hans & FranzSummary:

Recurring Characters: Hans, Franz.

Montage

Judge Reinhold’s MonologueSummary: Judge Reinhold whistles a cowboy tune.

Bio: Judge Reinhold (1957-). Actor; films include “Stripes” (1981), “Fast Times at Ridgement High” (1982), “Gremlins” (1984), “Beverly Hills Cop” (1984), “Beverly Hills Cop II” (1987), “Beverly Hills Cop III” (1994); Emmy-nominated for his guest role as the close-talker on a 1994 episode of “Seinfeld”.

Wilson Trap DoorsSummary: Sometimes trap doors prove unreliable and operate erratically. But Wilson Trap Doors guarantees their trap doors will operate efficiently every time.

Transcript

Church ChatSummary:

Recurring Characters: Church Lady, Jimmy Swaggert, Pat Robertson.

Deregulated AirlinesSummary: A passenger (Judge Reinhold) travels on an airplane filled with rats, crime, grafitti, and and a stewardess (Jan Hooks) who acts as hooker while serving beverages.

Transcript

10,000 Maniacs performs “Like the Weather”Bio: Alternative rock band fronted by Natalie Merchant, 1981-93; other members: Robert Buck, Steve Gustafson, Jerome Augustyniak, Dennis Drew.

Also Performed: 92e.

Weekend Update with Dennis MillerSummary: Al Franken’s one-man mobile uplink equipment is no match for an electrical storm in Florida. A. Whitney Brown’s Big Picture questions the presidential candidates’ potentials as effective liars.

Jorge Garcia, Nice Guy DictatorSummary: Not only is Jorge Garcia (Judge Reinhold) a ruthless dictator, he’s also a pretty nice guy. When a student protestor (Dana Carvey) throws a rock through his office window, Jorge makes him repair it immediately. When a newspaper reporter (Phil Hartman) prints a negative opinion, Jorge pulls his country’s advertisements from the newspaper.

The Cop & The ProstituteSummary: In this new sitcom from the fledgling Fox Network, a cop (Judge Reinhold) and a prostitute (Victoria Jackson) are an unlikely married couple providing viewers with laughs a-plenty!

When Great MindsSummary: Moderator (Jon Lovitz) heads a discussion panel with five of the greatest minds of all time – Galileo (Dana Carvey), Aristotle (Kevin Nealon), Joan of Arc (Nora Dunn), Jefferson Davis (Judge Reinhold), and Gengis Khan (Phil Hartman). The only problem is, none of them familiar with one another and they waste time making introductions.

10,000 Maniacs performs “What’s the Matter Here”

Pirate BirdsSummary: Two pirates (Dana Carvey, Kevin Nealon) discuss birds that would be more unique to place upon their shoulders than parrots.

GoodnightsTranscript

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Judge Reinhold: 02/27/88: Deregulated Airlines



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 13: Episode 13



87m: Judge Reinhold / 10,000 Maniacs

Deregulated Airlines

Passenger 1…..Judge Reinhold
Passenger 2…..Kevin Nealon
Stewardess…..Jan Hooks
Preacher…..Jon Lovitz

[ open on exterior, plane flying overhead ] [ dissolve to interior of plane, which is overcrowded with passengers and looking rather unkempt ]

Passenger 1: Is it me, or is this plane really filthy? [ tries to brush dity off his shoulder ]

Passenger 2: That’s typical. This used to be a great airliner before deregulation. Then that big cocaine bust about a year ago. It really went downhill after that, it, uh.. it just hasn’t been the same.

[ a scalper walks down the aisle, reciting his rates as he passes people ]

Passenger 2: Cheap tickets, though.

Passenger 1: Yeah.

[ Stewardess appears from the cabin, and intercepts the scalper ]

Stewardess: Sir? Go on, sit down. [ he barely moves ] I told you – sit down. Go on. [ she runs him to his seat ]

Passenger 1: Well, at least more people can afford to fly these days.

Passenger 2: Yeah. [ turns his head ] See that lady back there with the two kids? With the laundry hanging over her seat?

Passenger 1: [ looks ] Yeah?

Passenger 2: I was talking to her – she lives here. She’s on welfare. The government pays for her to live here until some low-income housing opens up.

Passenger 1: [ becomes distracted by another sight ] Oh, my God! It’s a rat!

[ cut to a rat resting on another passenger’s meal tray ]

Passenger 1: Stewardess! Stewardess, look!! There’s a rat – there’s a rat eating that guy’s food!!

[ the Stewardess comes running forwardv to remedy the situation ]

Stewardess: Oh, I am so sorry! [ to the rat ] Shoo! Go on! Shoo! [ the rat disappears ] Here we go, I’m sorry. [ picks up the meal tray ] They sprayed the cargo hold yesterday, and all the rats and the roahes came up here. I am so sorry, I’ll make an announcement, okay? [ drops the meal tray onto the floor ]

Passenger 1: Unbelievable!

[ the Stewardess approaches the PA system up front ]

Stewardess: Uh, ladies and gentlemen, just a quick announcement before we begin our in-flight movie. I would like to call your attention to the rat traps that are being stuffed in each seat in front of you. [ passengers reachdown to pull out their rat traps ] Instructions are there, also – and, for each rat caught, you will get a free First Class upgrade. Our movie today is “Inside Annie Sprinkle”, and headphones are ninety-nine cents always. Also, if you’re alone, and plan on sleeping, we suggest you leave your overhead light on and check your valuables in the safe in the galley. Thank you!

Passenger 2: [ to Passenger 1 ] I’m gonna try making a call on the OTB phone, down by the restroom. Keep an eye on my bag, will you?

Passenger 1: Yeah, sure.

[ Passenger 2 walks to the back as Passenger 1 flips through his magazine ] [ the Stewardess rolls a beverage cart down the aisle, stopping in front of Passenger 1 ]

Stewardess: Would you like a drink?

Passenger 1: Uh.. I’d like a glass of water, please.

Stewardess: Oh. I don’t think we have any. [ seductively ] Would you like to buy me a glass of champagne? [ grabs a champagne glass ] I love champagne.

Passenger 1: [ hesitantly ] Okay.. I guess.

Stewardess: You want one, too?

Passenger 1: Sure.

Stewardess: Atta boy! [ hands him a glass of champagne and sits down next to him ] So?

Passenger 1: [ sips ] Mmm. Good champagne.

Stewardess: Yeah. Do you like me?

Passenger 1: Sure.

Stewardess: Do you think I’m pretty?

Passenger 1: Sure.

Stewardess: [ puts her glass down ] Do you wnat me to be your girlfriend? I’ll do anything you want! [ rips her blouse open to reveal her bouncing breasts behind a black lace bra ]

Passenger 1: N-no thanks.

[ screeching sounds from under his seat ]

Passenger 1: Look! [ pulls up the trap ] Got one!

Stewardess: Oh! Oh, okay, I’ll take that. [ grabs the trap ] Thank you. Okay. [ puts the trap on the beverage cart ] Oh, and that’s gonna be twenty bucks for the champagne.

Passenger 1: What?! I’m not gonna pay twenty bucks for two glasses of champagne!

Stewardess: Look, it’s real champagne, dorkhead! That’s how much it costs!

Passenger 1: Well, look, I’ll give you ten, but I’m not gonna pay the rest! [ takes out his wallet ]

Stewardess: [ fastens her blouse and calls to the cabin ] Eddie!!!

[ a burly man appears, and stands over Passenger 1 ]

Passenger 1: [ frightened ] Okay, okay, okay – he-here’s twenty dollars! [ hands over the money ] But I’m gonna tell you – I’m never flying this airline again!

Eddie: Good!

[ Eddie and the Stewardess walks away, as a now-disheveled Passenger 2 returns to his seat ]

Passenger 2: They took my wallet! They took my wallet.

[ a preacher-type stands at the front of the cabin holding up a bullhorn and a Bible ]

Preacher: Good news! The gospel brings good news of God’s grace! It’s in John, Chapter 3, Verse 16: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have eternal life –” ] [ dissolve to exterior of plane ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts