Michael Che[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set. There’s a picture of Joe Biden with Jimmy Carter and his wife at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: a photo taken of president Biden visiting with Jimmy Carter and his wife has gone viral for an odd angle that makes Biden look like a giant next to the former president. Even weirder, when you zoom out, they’re all being held by Giuliani. [When zoomed out, they all are inside a crystal ball that Giuliani is holding.] [Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of South Carolina map at right top corner.]
Michael Che: South Carolina lawmakers voted to add firing squad to its execution method. And I think it’s nice that people will finally get chance to be shot after they’re found guilty.[Picture changes to handcuffs]
Pennsylvania police arrested a couple after they raided their home and discovered $1 million worth of meth. For reference, this is what $1fif million worth of meth looks like. [Picture changes to people rioting at the Capitol] [Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of grass at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Police say that a woman who went missing nearly six months ago was found in a tent in a forest in Utah living off grass and moss. Authorities believe the woman either had mental health issues or read an article on “Goop”.[Picture changes to an article on Goop that says “Why you should try the all grass and moss diet”.] [Picture changes to Disney Land]
Disney Land Snow White ride is being criticized because prince charming kisses Snow White without he consent while she was asleep. Which still isn’t as bad as Universal Studio’s new “Cosby the Ride”.[Picture changes to handcuffs]
A professional golfer in Florida was arrested after he tried to meet a 15 year old girl he met online who turned out to be a detective. Said the golfer, “Mulligan”? Sadly there’s more. For those of you wondering, in golf terms a 15 year old is 3 under par.[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of McDonald’s logo at right top corner.]
Michael Che: A New Jersey woman has filed a lawsuit against McDonald’s claiming that a burger wrapper she was given was smeared with excrement. In fairness, she ordered the number two.[Picture changes to Los Angeles city]
The population of Los Angeles has fallen for the third straight year. Well, it’s like Colin always says, “LA is just not the same without Harvey.”[Cut to Colin Jost laughing. There’s a picture of a bird at right top corner.]
You alway say it.
Colin Jost: Thanks. It’s cool. Researchers have determined that the most Instagrammable bird is an Australian species called ‘Tawny Frogmouth’. Well, the least Instagrammable bird is once again, Larry.