Dr. David Doctor… Beck Bennett
Leslie Jones[Starts with a woman jogging in a park]
Cecily: For years, I suffered from vertigo.[Cut to Taran]
Taran: Out of nowhere I’d feel dizzy, disoriented and even nauseous.[Cut to Chris]
Chris: Dremamine helped my flashes upside. And I hadn’t had a flair up in years.[Cut to Taran]
Taran: Years.[Cut to Cecily]
Cecily: Years.[Cut to Taran]
Taran: Until recently.[Cut to Cecily jogging]
Cecily: I was jogging listening to spotiy.[Cut to Taran on his laptop]
Taran: Casually browsing iTunes.[Cut to Chris driving his car]
Chris: Flipping through the radio.
Cecily: And I heard this new song that I loved.
Taran: I loved.[Cut to Chris]
Chris: I looked to see who it was and that’s when the vertigo hit.[Cut to Cecily]
Cecily: It was Taylor Swift.
Chris: Taylor Swift.
Taran: Taylor Swift. The whole room started spinnin.
Chris: I felt nauseous. I don’t like Taylor Swift. I know I don’t.[Cut to the doctor]
Dr. David Doctor: Yes, you do. You friggin lover. Hi, I’m neorologist Dr. David Doctor. Over that last one month, realizing you love Taylor Swift has become the leading cause of vertigo in adults. That’s why, now, there’s Swiftamine. The fast acting antihistamine tablet that’s pink and bubbly, just like Taylor herself.[Cut to Kenan and his daughters]
Kenan: I took my daughters to a Taylor Swift concert. I did not want to go. I do not get it. But as soon as the concert started, I was on the ground. My daughters say I was slurring the words. And those words were, “Girl can write a song.” They gave me Swiftamine.[Cut to Venessa]
Venessa: I never got into Taylor Swift because in interview, she’s always like, “I’m Taylor Swift.” It’s like, no. Then the other day, I found myself humming ‘Shake it off’ and I got so dizzy, I fell into traffic. Thanks a lot, Taylor. Just kidding. You’re amazing.[Cut to Dr. David Doctor]
Dr. David Doctor: Medically speaking, Taylor Swift on set vertigo occurs when one of her songs forces your brain to fight your ears. Your frontal lobe says, “Oof, Taylor Swift. She’s always wearing, like, a Cecily9Kenan0’s bathing suit.” But your ear is saying, “Shut up. This is a perfect song. [Cut to Aidy dancing in a club.] Taylor Swift on set vertigo can strike anytime, any place.[cut to Leslie in the club]
Leslie: Oh, man! This beat is banging. Who is it?[Cut to Aidy]
Aidy: Taylor Swift.
Aidy: [in slow motion and heavy sound] Taylor Swift.[Cut to Leslie getting triggered]
Leslie: I freaking love Taylor Swift?[Cut to Dr. David Doctor]
Dr. David Doctor: Swiftamine, for when you realize you love Taylor Swift.[Leslie gets in dancing behind the doctor]
Leslie: Baby! She got me.