OJ Simpson… Kenan Thompson
Michael Che: Last week’s altercation between Will Smith and Chris Rock at the Oscars seem to have divided Hollywood with many celebrities publicly taking sides. Here the comment is, and he wrote his own intro, Heisman Trophy winner and star of Naked Gun, OJ Simpson.
OJ Simpson: Hey. SNL, wow. Always good to hear applause for OJ.
Michael Che: Alright, OJ, so who’s side are you on? Chris Rock or Will Smith?
OJ Simpson: Oh, now Michael, you know me. I hate conflict.
Michael Che: No.
OJ Simpson: They both seem like the guys, but honestly, I don’t even understand Chris Rock’s joke. I mean, what the hell is GI Jane?
Michael Che: Oh, it’s just a movie from the 90s.
OJ Simpson: The 90s? Oh, I don’t remember nothing from the 90s. Yeah, that whole decade is my N word. Anywho! In my humble opinion, Will Smith maybe overreacted by slapping Chris Rock? I mean, Will, I don’t want to say that you got rage issues, but hey, if the glove fits. I’m just saying.
Michael Che: Okay, so you’re Chris Rock’s side?
OJ Simpson: No, I ain’t say all that, Michael. I mean, Chris ain’t exactly innocent neither. Nobody likes to be made fun of. I mean, you might be too young to remember. But people used to make a lot of mean jokes about me.
Michael Che: Really? About what?
OJ Simpson: All kinds of stuff. The point is, sometimes jokes go too far. Especially when it’s about a man’s family. Because like Will Smith said in his speech, love will make you do crazy things… allegedly.
Michael Che: Great, so you’re on Will Smith’s side.
OJ Simpson: I already said, I’m not on anybody’s side, Michael! [yelling] Don’t you be accusing me again!
Michael Che: Alright! I ain’t accusing you, man.
OJ Simpson: [looks at the camera and smiles.] So, my love is a little bit there. Just you know, whenever people accuse me and stuff, it makes me just want to– Anywho! I just want to give them brother some advice. You know, whenever you feel anger bubbling up inside, instead of reacting, just do what I do. Take a nice long drive or maybe let a friend drive you around so you can lay down in the back and call the news stations.
Michael Che: You know, OJ, some people are saying the academy should take away Will Smith’s trophy.
OJ Simpson: [yelling] You ain’t taking my trophies, alright?
Michael Che: Relax, man. Calm down.
OJ Simpson: [looks at the camera and smiles.] Sorry about that, Michael. Hey, can I make a big confession that’s been a long time coming?
Michael Che: Yes, please.
OJ Simpson: I ain’t watch them Oscars.
Michael Che: OJ Simpson, every body.
OJ Simpson: I’m just saying, man.
Michael Che: For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.